messylady Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Hello , I hope you can advise me, I happened upon your forums when I did a google search on "how to cope when an affair with a married man ends" !! I suppose you have all heard this many times but I have been the other woman for 3 yrs now, I "met" a man in a chat room, he told me he did not live with his wife, that was the first part lie, the only reason he did not live with her is because he lives and works most of the yr in saudi, anyway I was in a terrible marriage at the time, and i was very vulnerable, we did the usual, we met, he explained his situation, " he did not love his wife etc" I ended up leaving my husband and having an on off affair for 4 years, nice hotels , al the things I was not used to, the whole time he has kept vanishing and leaving me shattered and pleading with him by email to come back, and he always did... this time though I think he has gone for good, the last time we spoke on messenger and via text everything was or seemed 100% ok.. this time nothing for 3 months, I know it is over, my instinct tells me this time he is not coming back, but i cant accept it, I sit at night and drink too much so I can sleep, I just cant cope with it, I even have his home number and everything in me wants to tell his wife.. right now I have no idea how I am holding down my job, I alternate between wanting to get even and just wanting to die.. he was genuine and swearing his love... the works.. I know I have done wrong, but please can anyone help me, i feel like I am destroyed:(
bonehead Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 You really need to lookat this the same way you would the death of a close friend. There is a grieving process and believe it or not you will go through everthing just as if he had died. And that really is the best way to treat it.
Melovator Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Yes it sounds dumb, but sometimes when the pain is so bad and your gut feels like its a giant crater or an open wound, all you can do is breathe- in, out, in, out. Do it slow. Just concentrate on your breathing and these moments will pass and you'll still ache after but hopefully it won't be so bad as before. Because any day above ground is a good day.
Touche Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Also, everything is that much harder if you continue to drink. Trust me, I know. The alcohol will make you feel even worse. Start with cutting that out first. In time you will heal. But if you continue drinking, it will delay the healing process. This really doesn't have to destroy you, you know. Continue to come her when you need support. I hope you feel better soon.
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