prfrogkisser Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Good afternoon: I have been away for months from this site. I hope everyone is well and I say Hi! to all the newbies. My current situation is as follows. I have been dating for two months a guy who works in the same company i work for but works (THANK GOD) in another department.He asked me out and I had a great time until after 3 weeks he called me late one time slurring his words and constantly calling me telling me he loved me in a strange voice every 5 to 10 min. Honestly i didnt think anything of it and i let it slide. Then 2 more weeks pass and after we had dinner in a restaurant and he had one drink he asked me to please take him home. Once i did after 2 hours he called me slurring voice and I finally knew he was trashed.I had to turn off my phone so i could sleep.Then his mom called me Sat morning asking if he was with me. i told her no. She sounded worried and I told her he called from his apartment and was drunk. Then the truth came out. His mom says he has a problem. he drinks untilk he passes out and sometimes he gets angry while drunk thats why he isolates himself. He was drunk for the whole weekend. He didnt even see him son.I felt so guilty and hurt. he is in denial and doesnt want to seek help so I let it pass. Guess what he did it this weekend and he pushed someone. he is always fine while with me but when he is alone or with friends is another story. I have stopped talking to him. I resent him for not seeking help and not trying hard enough. He is selfish because he doesnt think about the consequenses. My concern is I feel guilty because im going to leave him. I cant deal with this situation. Im unhappy and it hurts me to see how he hurts his family, but i dont want to go out with him anymore. Im also afraid if he gets violent. Even when he says he would never hit me in back of my mind there is that chance I cant take.He needs to take anger management classes and he doesnt want to either. What do you think? Am i making the right choice? Thanks for your advice and help
jcster Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 When it comes to dealing with addicts it's important to remember the "3 Cs." You didn't Cause it, You can't Cure them, you can't Control them. He's an alcoholic, which means that he is going to deny he has a problem, attempt to hide it, and blame everyone but himself. Thank your lucky stars that you learned this now. I absolutely think you should break up with him. He doesn't have any room in his life for anything other than booze right now. Please don't feel guilty about it, it's the best thing for both of you right now. He's never going to stop drinking until his life becomes so cruddy that he has no other choice but to stop (and this can take decades). The more consequences he experiences now, the sooner that will happen. I really recommend that you go no contact on the guy - otherwise he will try and keep in contact with you and those late night phone calls will never stop.
Author prfrogkisser Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 Thank you so much for the clear outlook. I will keep these C's in mind when i feel down. I appreciate your advice
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