ashleyld Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Myself making a post about this is a last resource, Its a personal problem that I dont feel comfortable telling close friends or family, so maybe you strangers can give me some advice. My Boyfriend of over 1 year , watches alot of porn behind my back, it wouldnt be a big deal to me if we were having more sex but we arent, I know the days when he watches it because at night hes " too tired", I always find it on his computer on these days, I have tried to speak wtih him about it, I told him I dont like porn but if he wants to watch it thats okay, but please to not let it affect our sex life, because I feel like he is chosing porn over me, and it hurts me to know he gets off on complete strangers rather than the girl he is suppose to love and make love to. Before I knew about the porn I thought theyre was something wrong with me Maybe Im fat or something, not pretty enough and that our relationship was coming to an end my friends think hes a jerk say Im beautiful and hes not worth it. He knew I felt this way and instead of admitting he was watching porn he continued to let me feel like it was my own fault. Eventually we wound up breaking up over it, and he told me he never told me about the porn because he knew I didnt like it Im too conservative and I have a "shell" not true trust me Im a freak I like to do everything in bed. We got back together and talked about things, but I found out 2 day back into our relationship..hes back at it again. Is this a big enough deal to leave him? Should I put up with it? We love each other very much but I want to come before porn and I dont know if he will ever stop. I also think his need to watch porn is a sign of future infidelity. He wants to buy a home with me out of state soon, Im afraid to leave all my friends and family if he continues this. Help me do I stay do I go do I try and talk to him? Do any of you guys out there watch porn behind your g/fs back, but you still love and want her? Im so confused.- Anonymous
Enema Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 99% of guys watch and use porn to get off, whether they're single, married or in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. It happened before you, it wiill happen after you and it has nothing to do with you or your sex life. If you choose to let your own insecurities affect your relationship then that's your business, but don't try to label him using porn as something "wrong".
Mustang Sally Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Look, ashleyd, I'm sure there is validity to what enema is saying. Too many other guys say the same thing. However, if it is a problem for you, and becomes a dealbreaker, then maybe you should start looking into finding a new boyfriend. I mean, Geez. Life is too short to spin your wheels on such a topic where neither side seems to budge. (Ever read Dr. Seuss' "The Zax" ???) I'm starting to change my tune. I'm getting tired of many guys refusing to see another POV on the porn-thing, and maybe women who are bothered to this degree need to just find someone who doesn't rely on porn so heavily. Or at least can keep it a better secret? Just a thought.
JackJack Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Wheather men watch porn or not, is not the issue, the issue here is that, you say it is taking away from you sex life, and it bothers you. So this in itself is a reason to feel the way you do. If you feel he just will not get the message by you talking with him about it, and you feel its something he will not stop and the sex will not resume as it once was, then maybe you need to really sit down and weigh your options in this realtionship with him. At this point, no, its probably not best to move away from your friends and family and buy a home with him.
Lizzie60 Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 I wouldn't put up with that.. If he likes to masturbate and watch porn...good... that's not what YOU want...and if he choose porn over you, trust me it won't get better after you'll get married. You are not satisfied with him... you told him, he won't change..then there is only one solution... leave him with 'Extreme Holly' and move on.
Author ashleyld Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 thanks for your advice. each one of you is right.
curiousnycgirl Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 How about suggesting you watch porn together? Then you can incorporate it into your bedroom play. Just a suggestion
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