meleeda Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 I have been living with this guy now for just about 3 years, recently we broke up as he said he needed his space. four days after moving into a hotel he slept with some girl and she called me to brag about it at 3 in the morning. (We live in a small town where everyone just about know's everyone). This guy well we discussed spending our lives together, investing together, and we have, the problem is now he is trying to keep me in the picture as he says a friend, and gets upset because I am not interested in being friends right now. If I do not call him for a day or two he calls me just to say Hi. Like I would rather not be called to say Hi. I have gone through my initial anger, sad etc. and rotate over and over again through the emotions of anger, sad and so on. The weather has gotten rather hot and one night he called me at midnight to ask if he could come by to get a fan out of the shed, we got into our original arguement about this girl he slept with and other crap and I out right told him to never call me and to maintain NC (No contact) conrol. The thing is I miss him and I love him, it bugs me that he calls me and tells me the same stuff but he needs time alone. He says he is having a hard time living in a hotel and I offered to let him stay on the couch, but took it back as after I said it thought it was a bad idea. He tells me that he wants to wants to work things out but he is not ready yet. I am so confused about this hole thing. He does not know that the girl called me and I want him to tell me himself who she is. If we are ever to work things out do I have a right to know. Normally I am not a jealous person but he lives a high profile life. My trust is gone. Can two people build trust again.
Double D Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I guess trust and honesty are two very important parts in a relationship. It takes an incredible amount of work I think to regain both when it has been broken but not impossible. Whats the update now?
bovice xvx Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 i can relate and i really need help! my girlfriend and i broke(of about two years on and off) about about a week or a week and a half ago and not even a week later she had a new boyfriend! and they seem quite serious. she broke up with me stating she felt we drifted apart and had two different out looks on life but not even 3 days before she was asking me to move in with her and her mother for school in the fall and summer. i don't understand how she could tell me she loved me one minute and then want to break up and get with someone else so quickly. i don't think she cheated on me, i would have heard about it, should i move on and give up hope? i know we are young but i tried to maintain a mature relationship with her and i would hope vice versa. is it a rebound? or what?? i told her that despite my strong feelings for her, i still want to be able to talk to her but she said not now and that she feels uncomfortable knowing i talking about our relationship. i don't know if it her way of dealing with the pain or if there just is no pain and she's completely over me and the idea of a relationship? she is not talking to me now. so please help
Author meleeda Posted June 6, 2007 Author Posted June 6, 2007 As we have been living together for over the past three years, they say that a man needs to pull away before he can get closer, but does that pulling away mean he has to move out completely and sleep with another?? He tells me he is not interested in marriage, but investing in anything with me is a bigger commitment than marriage I think, its been almost 4 weeks now since he moved out and for the first two weeks I was so mad and then sad again. This is the second time that he moved out in the past three years last time he left for one week, and then came back again. Things between us are changing now I use to call him all the time for the first two weeks now he is calling me and finding excuses to call me. I have avoided him alltogether and have taken up little projects to keep myself busy. The first week he left he told me that he does not love me and I found out he slept around. Now he is telling me he misses me and the little things. I have to go on a business trip next week and so looking forward to getting away from this hole thing. its really hard playing the waiting game for them to decide they really love you and miss you. I know it will be a matter of time before we work things out but right now after all this has happened I am not sure if I want to. I actually like the idea of being single now and flirting around. I don't care actually that he slept around I think that doing just that helped him to realize that the milk is not any better on the other side. From what I hear the girl he slept with was chasing him around and stuff making him uncomfortable at his place he goes to. I know he only used her. I feel so confused about this hole thing, I miss him "But" I don't want things to go back to the way they were, he plays in a band and girls are always their in their faces, he never takes me out on weekends becuase he is always playing and it bugs me, I would like him to take me out on a friday or saturday night now and then. When he finally does have a night off, all we do is stay home. I don't need a man to complete me I am happy all on my own, but I sure miss the company. I miss the little things, someone who appreciates the little things I do. As each day goes by I feel as a little of me is healing little by little.
Author meleeda Posted June 6, 2007 Author Posted June 6, 2007 As we have been living together for over the past three years, they say that a man needs to pull away before he can get closer, but does that pulling away mean he has to move out completely and sleep with another?? He tells me he is not interested in marriage, but investing in anything with me is a bigger commitment than marriage I think, its been almost 4 weeks now since he moved out and for the first two weeks I was so mad and then sad again. This is the second time that he moved out in the past three years last time he left for one week, and then came back again. Things between us are changing now I use to call him all the time for the first two weeks now he is calling me and finding excuses to call me. I have avoided him alltogether and have taken up little projects to keep myself busy. The first week he left he told me that he does not love me and I found out he slept around. Now he is telling me he misses me and the little things. I have to go on a business trip next week and so looking forward to getting away from this hole thing. its really hard playing the waiting game for them to decide they really love you and miss you. I know it will be a matter of time before we work things out but right now after all this has happened I am not sure if I want to. I actually like the idea of being single now and flirting around. I don't care actually that he slept around I think that doing just that helped him to realize that the milk is not any better on the other side. From what I hear the girl he slept with was chasing him around and stuff making him uncomfortable at his place he goes to. I know he only used her. I feel so confused about this hole thing, I miss him "But" I don't want things to go back to the way they were, he plays in a band and girls are always their in their faces, he never takes me out on weekends becuase he is always playing and it bugs me, I would like him to take me out on a friday or saturday night now and then. When he finally does have a night off, all we do is stay home. I don't need a man to complete me I am happy all on my own, but I sure miss the company. I miss the little things, someone who appreciates the little things I do. As each day goes by I feel as a little of me is healing little by little.
sb129 Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I think you need to distance yourself from him, adn you may need to tell him that you don't want to have any contact with him. No contact will help you heal, and it stops him from having you "as a friend" which is clearly messing with your head. It gives you both some space to reasess what you really want from a relationship. You sound pretty strong already....loneliness is so common when you initiate NC. When I broke up with my ex, I nearly crumbled because I was lonley and missed his company, but I didn't miss the R. I am so glad I didn't, it has made me heal much quicker in the long run. Good luck!
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