Ruby Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Ok answer me this ...... If you was in a very serious relationship for one year with a guy you love to pieces and who loves you back, and you spent alot of time together and introduced him to your son, and your son was really attatched to him, would you be happy that he still would not introduce you to his 5 year old son as he says he is too young? I have asked if his son was upset on the very few times he has seen me and he said no ....... but will still not include me with them as I do with him and my son. I know deep down it is because of his ex but he will not admit this to me. I am not asking for politically correct answers - I would like to hear from people who have been through the same or from people who can put theirself in my position and tell me how they would feel and how they would deal with it! BTW I have told him how pushed out it makes me feel ( I am struggling bad with this) and he is un-willing to change it as it MAY upset his child (even though he has never been upset seeing me) When his child comes to stay I am left out and not bothered with and when he goes back home he comes to my house and has dinner with me and MY SON!
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 I don't have children, but I can understand your frustration and pain here. You trust him enough to involve him in your life, with your child, and he can't do the same for you. Question, does his ex see someone? If so, does his child not see his ex's boyfriend? Does he talk about his son with you? Like maybe his son is having a difficult time dealing with having his mommy and daddy not together? Bottomline, his son should slowly be introduced to you since you are a part of his life. A year and you two are quite serious, he has to consider this...And, if not, you need to decide how much you're willing to put up with.
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Another question, are they separated or divorced? This could be a factor if they're just separated...
Author Ruby Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 Thank you for replying! I am in pieces here not knowing what to do Some questions answered They were never married they split 2 years ago - A year before I met him She is a bit 'nutty' and has a bad temper She is still single I do not think anything is going on with them and I am not silly I would know He told her about me about a month after we got together - She went potty for a while but accepts it now. At the moment I have taken him out of my sons life - I have not seen him for a week and have no intention of asking him over like I normally do. I feel so bad that he will not even consider my feelings that I have taken him out of MY sons life so that I dont feel so bad. When I tell him how I feel he just says that he cannot help how I feel and I shouldnt feel this way and that his son is just too young and he cant see why I cant wait until he is older! I have to say that I do not want to be with his son for every moment he is with his dad, an hour at pizza hut with both boys every now and then would be ok but he is not willing to bend at all!
Author Ruby Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 I just feel so pushed out and like a dirty secret!
StartingOver07 Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Ruby, much as you see this as a situation where he is being unfair to you because you are allowing him access to your child, so why won't he do the same my take is that actions are not designed to shut you out but say something abut his feelings about his child or possibly about your relationship with him in general. If I had a 5yo and was single, I would be very careful whom I allowed in that child's life. I would not want my child to become attached to someone who wasn't going to be around. The younger the child, the more this would hold true for me. Is it possible that your bf doesn't see you two as heading toward marriage or other permanent status? I may not be remembering clearly, but are you the person who posted about her bf's unwillingness to help her financially? It sounds like this guy has not made up his mind that you two are in it together for the long haul. In any case, I think you need to have this conversation -- calmly -- with your guy. And I would encourage you not to use your own son as a pawn in the negotiations.
Author Ruby Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 I have asked him this question - I have asked him if he see's me as someone who will not be around for ever and he says no he does not feel like that. He has asked me to marry him and says he loves me so much. That is why it is more confusing for me! His reasons dont make sense!
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