goodbye my lady

[funkybassplayer]

well my lady its been 6 weeks now since we split, you have a new guy, and i still miss you and the kids dearly. I would love to pick up the phone and call you just to say hi to you and the kids. i miss Ella lots, im sure that she still misses me. I wonder if you miss me? u said that you did not long ago and 3 days ago sent me a text asking if i was ok? I said i miss you and the kids, maybe i should not have sent it but im glad i did, you know i still miss you all. Well i am trying to be happy for you, but finding it hard at the moment as i want to be there with you and the kids, but today, im letting go of you. I have the lump in my throat now and im gonna well up! I hope maybe one day we will be friends, maybe one day you may even realise that you want to be with me, you did love me always, and me you, but because of the issues in your own head, i would not sell and move up with you. I still dont regreat that, but wish you gave me more time to get used to the kids and help you deal with all the finances. I was always a rock for you, and i aways wanted to help when you went down in yourself. man sometimes it brought me down too. Im sorry that i couldnt be the friend you wanted, and i hate the fact that your new guy wont let me friends with your kids that i love, but maybe one day if this guy proved to be a jerk like i think, you may want to contact me, to be friends if i can be, or more. Im just not ready to be a true friend as i love you, and now you know that from the text i sent. im wondering if there was part of you that liked it? you always called me a cheeky chap cos i would do just what i liked! You never text back, but then you never said to stop eighter! i hope it never made you feel guilty. I thought you might have text me to piss off as your with a new guy. It took guts to send that to you, but im trusting that you remember the person i am. I have so hard tried not to contact you, and feel i have done well, it was nice to have a text from you. I am thinking of selling up and doing something mad, not sure what yet! I never truly got the time to say goodby to the kids, and would have loved to. I feel that because ou got into another relationship so fast, it never gave me time to ajust to not being around the kids, as when we finished you promised that i could still be part of there lives. Well i guess that tony soon put a stop to that, and i think that very cruel. part of me wants to hate you for saying i could be there, and then you went against that promise, and i felt so hurt. I think you know that im hurting as in your text you said hope i was ok! I guess you guys have been camping this week in the tent that we bought together for the family. I was thinking about you all lots and feeling i should be there. I feel like i have all the love in me still but nowhere to go. I know we have to be in contact soon regarding the guitar, and stuff, but will leave it untill i feel strong to talk with you. I know there was 150 miles between us, and your new guy live next door! i can only imagine that it wont be long till he moves in. If we are ever going to be freinds, i have to be free of my love for you, and in time, i will look for someone new. I have lost 4 people in my life, part of me is so angry that you took all this away from me after giving it to me. But i cant do anything about it, exept hope that one day, you will think that i would like to say hi to you all, and maybe visit. u loved me for who i was , and not for money. iwhen you first told me about tony, it seemed that you went on about his car and clothes, all expensive, something that i nevr could afford, a musos wage not that great! but then i was into you and your family and helping you, and holding you. I never gave you a hard time over exs and was always there for you. is he going to be? i wonder? maybe im wrong and he is everything you ever wanted. I know you used to love coming to see me play, you love the fact that your boyfriend was a pro bass player. When you said what tony did you treid to glam it up! Is he that wonderfull that all i have been thriugh with you ment nothing? you begged me to be a friend then you tossed me aside like i was rubbish! because tony was jelous of me. Maybe with good reason. but i still cant help but tell you i love you. I know inside you that you want to talk to me, i know you welll honey. maybe one day you will get the guts to say to him ill tallk to who i like and when. Get some backbone girl! Will this pain i feel ever go? last night i did a gig, was good, had a really tasty chick look at me, it was cool. But i was longing to see a text from you on my phone. i so miss that. i dont know why, but i want you to know the pain that i am in. I think you know. Its only been six weeks and only 4 since i last saw you. I know that the attraction was still there, without a dought. Why did you not give me more time honey, why did you let that bitch emma maybe talk you into something. for some reason she never liked me. now you say you all go out as a foursome! it suite her i thnk. She wont care that you have 3 kids and a house you cant afford, she was always telling you to go to this club and that and you did. Now tony, at 41 is going clubbing! I think thats sad, i was never into them as i left it behind years sgo. Why did you not let me give you a life of happyness. I waited for you to get over a hang over, your kids played downstairs while you slept it off, you just brought them from scholl them stuck them in bed, you were a crap mum!. I wanted the family thing with you. Maybe you wanted to relive your youth. I dunno, but its unfair on the kids, and i had the guts to tell you. maybe you dont like hearing the truth, maybe io told you the truth too much, but only you can know what you want inside. I never wanted to change you. I got into the relationship because i thought that at 34 with 3 kids, you would want to settle down. it seems far from the truth that you wanted this. But i still love you. I defended you so many times against your dad and ex hubby, but you lay on the couch ion a depression. come on girl, dont you see that i wanted to help you not make it worse. I wanted to cuddle you, and go to the solicier eith you. Why would you not divorce you ex hubby? He treated you like rubbish. The last night we were together you were stroking my arms and looking into my eyes. there was so much love in them. I gave you a slow massage that you loved, and you fell asleep. next day you were cold, and after the weekend you ended it. i came to see you, drove up i dont know why, i suppose i wanted you to do it to my face. We kissed on the lips, and you asked me to stay friends. i said no, but then you cryed, i could never see you hurt so i agreed. You let me down, as soon as tony camre on the scene i ment nothing to you. U even said i would be cool to see the kids, i came up, and was told to go. how can you be so cruel. Its not like you. i hope now that after a few weeks, its been 4 since i saw you, you are maybe thinking of what you did too me. if i know you, you are. Whatever happened, i will always be there for you, and i love you, but i wont be number 2. If i can be a true friend then i will, or be your guy again, but i wont be pretending im fine when im not, hearing how great your life is with tony. maybe one day the tables will be revered. i may have the great girl! Life is funny. I want you to be happy, but you hurt me bad, so finding it hard to be happy for you. There was never closure between us, and for some reason i think you will be in my life again, in a few months. I have this feeling. but whatever happens, i love you and your kids, and have forgiven how you made me feel. I wont send any texts that are nasty, i never have, and never will. take care. xx

[polywog]

Aw, funky.... I'm truly sorry that you have to be here.

 

Hang in there guy, the floodgates of LS support and compassion will be flowing your way.

[awayfromthesunagain]

 

Now I understand .. I just hope .. ur ok...