robkris8079 Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Here's the very short version, wife left me, we got a divorce, she moved 200+ miles away, I have custody. So I meet her half way sometimes to pick up our daughter and bring her back home. Her mother is seeing her only on the weekends. When I pick my duaghter up she is sad to leave her mother. It's an hour ride back to our house and she screams for her mommy the whole way back. I try and talk to her and tell her mommy has to go back to her house and you have to go back to yours. Then tell her you will see mommy in a few days. After that I try and get her mind off of it by telling her about everything she is going to do this week and the people she will see. None of this seems to work, probably due to the fact that she is only 22 months old. The only way she stops screaming is when I totally get her mind off of it. Like yesterday I had to drop off my girl friends sister (she took the journey with me) and my daughter loves thier dog so I stopped in the house for a few minutes. The baby was fine after that. Only thing is it's an hour ride and for that whole ride all she thinks about is her mom? What do I do? Will this get easier on either of us?
reef man Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Here's the very short version, wife left me, we got a divorce, she moved 200+ miles away, I have custody. So I meet her half way sometimes to pick up our daughter and bring her back home. Her mother is seeing her only on the weekends. When I pick my duaghter up she is sad to leave her mother. It's an hour ride back to our house and she screams for her mommy the whole way back. I try and talk to her and tell her mommy has to go back to her house and you have to go back to yours. Then tell her you will see mommy in a few days. After that I try and get her mind off of it by telling her about everything she is going to do this week and the people she will see. None of this seems to work, probably due to the fact that she is only 22 months old. The only way she stops screaming is when I totally get her mind off of it. Like yesterday I had to drop off my girl friends sister (she took the journey with me) and my daughter loves thier dog so I stopped in the house for a few minutes. The baby was fine after that. Only thing is it's an hour ride and for that whole ride all she thinks about is her mom? What do I do? Will this get easier on either of us? You didn't do anything. SHE did by moving 200 miles away from her kid. The girl misses her mom, but its because of what her mom did, not you. And it isn't that your daughter doesn't want to be with you, she just sees you all the time and not her. don't be hard on yourself.
Ladyjane14 Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 I think if it was me... first things first, I'd probably not take her in the car right away. Maybe stop by a park or take her for some other fun activity before sticking her in the car seat. That way, she can remember that Daddy's a fun guy too, and run off a little energy to boot. Then... I'd try to give her some Mommy substitutes. You might put together a little photo album she can look at in the car with pictures of Mommy. I'd not include pictures of Baby though. Just Mommy. You might ask your ex-wife to read some children's books into a tape recorder so you can have some "books-on-tape" for your girl to listen to. You might bring along a favorite toy or stuffed animal that Mommy has given her, or even put a dab of Mommy's perfume on the back of her hand so she can be comforted by her mother's scent. She's still a baby. I'm thinking the same kind of practices that you'd use for little domestic animals in order to comfort their separation anxiety, might help calm little people too.
curiousnycgirl Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 To tell the truth - I'd bring the dog! You poor thing! Wish I had more to add - but my heart goes out to you!
halfarock Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 I had custody of my children from the time they were babies. My daughter, when she was the same age as yours, she used to cry all the time in the car. After awhile I came to realize that it had nothing to do with what ever it was that she was crying about, it was something about the car ride. If I recall correctly, it was after I adjusted/arraigned the seats, including the child seat, so that she could see me easier that greatly reduced this crying.
quankanne Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 as cruel as it sounds (for both her AND you), sometimes you've got to let the little ones just cry it out of their system. Fortunately, they get it out of their systems pretty quickly, and don't carry on for days on end. However, note that your daughter is at that wonderful age where she's gonna do her best to assert her independence ... but still have separation issues when it comes to "leaving" what she considers a safe environment – in this case, her mama. However, if you have something lined up that'll distract her from her fear, like the dog, you can sometimes circumvent a bad crying jag and let it become something short-lived and not as heart-breaking. have you thought about maybe a special blanket or toy ... or even a Tshirt with her mom's/your photos on it? That way she understands that the both of you are with her no matter what (a security blanket kind of thing).
ConfusedButLoved Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Everyone's given some good advice so I just wanted to write some words of encouragement. That is such a hard age for a child! My son is 29 months and we've had our share of ups and downs. I'm sure it hasn't been easy for her to get used to the new living arrangements and the fact that mommy isn't always there she wants or needs her. I've read that at certain ages and stages children cling more to their mothers and other times to their daddies. I'm sure she is suffering from seperation anxiety and that doesn't help anything. I agree with the poster above that suggested instead of getting right into the carseat ( a place where she is stuck in one spot) take her out for lunch or maybe a walk in the park or something to take her mind off of having to leave her mom. Kids are so easily distracted. Could you maybe take the dog with you on you're trips? Maybe even a small inside pet of you're own that she will be excited to see. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you right now but hang in there! You will figure something out. I know how overloaded you must be with the full time responsibility of a toddler! Just try a few different ideas and find what works. Something will work eventually! Maybe if you can wear her out before the drive back she will fall fast asleep! Let us know how things are going!
Mr. Lucky Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Maybe even a small inside pet of you're own that she will be excited to see. I had the same thought - could the two of you get a dog together? Might be good therapy for both of you . Maybe not a puppy as I'd hate to add anything to your already full plate, but a full grown dog (perhaps rescued from the shelter) could be a good distraction. I know what you're going through, as my ex and I split custody of our then 3-year old. First time each week at my house, he cried himself to sleep every time (to tell you the truth, so did I ). Hang in there and develop your own family rituals and structure - hard to see know, but it will all work out... Mr. Lucky
ConfusedButLoved Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 3-year old. First time each week at my house, he cried himself to sleep every time (to tell you the truth, so did I ). Awww Mr. L!! I know that feeling! I give credit to all you single parents out there! I've been one I know how hard it is!!
midlife2 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 A small pet is an idea, long term not real sure, depending on how much time you can give it. Going to a park or someplace fun was the best suggestion I saw on the forum. Even better, before you get her to Mom give her a couple 3 choices (not too many) of where SHE wants to go after you pick her back up and let her know that it's her decision but we can't have any crying after we leave Mommy or we wont be able to go. Print some pictures of her choices off the internet so she can decide on the way and then she can look at them again when you pick her up and maybe the excitement of her looking at where she's going will keep her mind off it. The first time might still bring tears, which I would still take her, but after that I would stick with the rules...no crying then we go. My heart goes out to you...and why are YOU doing all the driving????
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