I ended the affair we have a 3 month old daughter he lied about being married

[GreenEyedLady]

Anyway it's interesting that so many females express shock that I would imply that some women do this.

Then you popped up!

 

Not surprising that you talk about a certain type of woman and she suddenly pops up...trolls abound everywhere...

[GregsBad]

Not surprising that you talk about a certain type of woman and she suddenly pops up...trolls abound everywhere...

 

I don't get what you mean ???

[RecordProducer]

Littlelady,

 

I think I struck a nerve and I figured why when I checked you posts.

 

I found one of your posts on "Are you better looking than MM's wife"

Where you spoke about tricking your MM by getting impregnated without him knowing it: You wrote:

"I'm trying to have a baby with him to secure my position in his life and pocketbook. He's been ejaculating inside me almost every sexual encounter. He thinks I'm on birth control. I will have the last laugh and that fat hog will be eradicated from his life."

 

This is incredible.

You're actually one of the females those articles focus on. You're lying to him, trying to trick him into getting you pregnant, so you can secure your position in his life and pocketbook - your words.

Hahah! This is hilarious! Bravo, Greg!

 

Babies don't strengthen any positions between men and women. If anything, things go downhill as soon as kids start popping up.

 

Yes, they do bring child support, but having a child for the money is really a wrong choice. Even if you exclude to morality factor, the mother will most likely lose more than she will gain. But most of all, the child will suffer.

 

And the man will probably not marry her if she gets pregnant.

[GregsBad]

Hahah! This is hilarious! Bravo, Greg!

 

Babies don't strengthen any positions between men and women. If anything, things go downhill as soon as kids start popping up.

 

Yes, they do bring child support, but having a child for the money is really a wrong choice. Even if you exclude to morality factor, the mother will most likely lose more than she will gain. But most of all, the child will suffer.

 

And the man will probably not marry her if she gets pregnant.

 

That's kind of what I was thinking.

I'm trying to understand what would motivate someone to do this.

 

I get the sense that she has a mental future image of having her home, her man, her baby and all the nice things of a happily married couple.

[GregsBad]

Not surprising that you talk about a certain type of woman and she suddenly pops up...trolls abound everywhere...

 

She's been on this forum since June, 2006. So I don't get your point.

I didn't make her up.

 

Are you having a hard time accepting that there are women that do this sort of thing?

OK, so YOU'RE not one - which is good. You don't seem the type from your posts.

 

But they're around - more than you think. Do a little research and you'll see.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Unfortunately there are women who get pregnant on purpose. They lie about birth control, or either outright steal the sperm from used condoms to impregnate themselves with. Women like this ought to face criminal prosecution, IMO. Its the reason I am beginning to think that there ought to be a legal waiver signed with each sexual encounter.

[marlena]

As you get older and punched in the gut enough times, you assumedly get wiser and don't fall for ploys as easily as in yesteryears. Not I say assumedly!

 

I asked questions and did my research where I could because I wasn't twenty years old anymore.

 

The manipulative jerk accused me of doing this and you know why?

 

Because he sure as hell had a lot to hide!!! And he hated my poking my nose into his dirty laundry!

 

He even lied about his mother's name let alone his marital status!

 

And get a load of this now! He had the b*lls to say you have figured me out! Time to move on to the next!

 

Yes, people, do check these people out - esp. if you have a gut feeling that sth is amiss!

 

Just my two cents!

[marlena]

Unfortunately there are women who get pregnant on purpose. They lie about birth control, or either outright steal the sperm from used condoms to impregnate themselves with. Women like this ought to face criminal prosecution, IMO. Its the reason I am beginning to think that there ought to be a legal waiver signed with each sexual encounter.

__________________

 

 

Hi LC,

How are you?

 

Yes, I agree a lot of women do use this ploy. This is not to say that the OP engaged in this sort of deceit.

 

When all is said and done, in these cases, it is the human being who is brought under these circumstances into this life that gets the full painful brunt of it.

 

I was pregnant with my fiance's baby (later to be my husband and even later my ex - husband) and I never saw a red cent.

 

Foolish me -

supported all three!

 

 

Ergo, I do dice every man I meet hereon-

And unfortunately for me, I always certainly right in having done so!

 

Hope you are well.

[marlena]

Not surprising that you talk about a certain type of woman and she suddenly pops up...trolls abound everywhere...

 

 

Ditto on this!

 

Trolls have no gender!!!

[GregsBad]

What's a troll - somebody helpe me please.

 

Is it like a nasty little demon, sent by the Lord of the Rings, to torture men who cheat?

 

To get itself impregnated by him and attach (by marriage) like a parasyte to a host? And dain his fortune while sloooowly revealing to him that she's a selfish, manipulative little potty-mouth, ruining his friendships with everyone who loved him? Then when he finally realizes that he was better off with his fat hog (the troll called her that - not me). When he wakes up to find that LittleLady, in real life, is uglier than FatHog.

 

OK - seriosly (on this forum) - what is a troll?

[GregsBad]

Never mind - I got my answer on another thread.

[sb129]

A troll is a person who makes up posts, usually to incite trouble on the forums.

[Curmudgeon]

But it would be so much easier for you guys to go around lying to women and diking anything that comes along with no protection or a care in the world and then try to force your women to quickly "take care" of the situation because it would put a dent on your pocketbook or infringe on your "happy" marriage? Idiot. !

 

...you're not in much of a position to condemn others!

 

I'm trying to have a baby with him to secure my position in his life and pocketbook. He's been ejaculating inside me almost every sexual encounter. He thinks I'm on birth control. I will have the last laugh and that fat hog will be eradicated from his life.

 

Talk abut low caliber!

[RecordProducer]

That's kind of what I was thinking.

I'm trying to understand what would motivate someone to do this.

Illusions. The false assumption that the man loves her, that he will marry her if she gives him a child (in a MM's eyes it means to give him trouble), and the false assumption that if he is wealthy, she will get get enough money to not work for the rest of her life.

 

It's very, very wrong to have a child with a man who doesn't want the child. My own husband told me he was OK with having a child, if his wife wanted it, just to accuse me of tricking him into pregnancy and tell me to abort it, as soon as I got pregnant. And I did abort the baby, because he didn't want it, and I didn't want a baby that wasn't wanted by both parents.

She's been on this forum since June, 2006. So I don't get your point.

I didn't make her up.

She implied that LittleLady felt her name called and attacked you because of that - because she WAS called by you.

 

Its the reason I am beginning to think that there ought to be a legal waiver signed with each sexual encounter.

I have two sons and I am starting to think that you're right. I wouldn't want to see them in a situation where they have children with some sluts, because they trusted them about BC or the condom broke. This is beyond the logic "They should've kept their pants zipped" or "They have to bear the consequences of having sex with someone." When you have casual sex, both partners should bear the consequences. Indeed, if my son had a baby with a woman who wanted to give it for an adoption, I would take the baby. But this is a different case. This man is a cheater who ejaculates in her. He deserves no better than a low-life woman, but his family and the child that might be born from this relationship will suffer.

Yes, people, do check these people out - esp. if you have a gut feeling that sth is amiss!

My theory is if I can't trust him from day one, if I have a gut feeling that something is wrong, I just run away. I have rejected guys only because I felt I couldn't trust them 100%. I didn't give them a chance to prove they're innocent. My intuition told me "You can't be sure about this guy - chances are he is a liar." Trust your intuition and dump him - don't check on him. When you get suspicious, it means the person is not trustworthy. If you start digging, you might find nothing.. but does that mean he is clean and genuine? No.

[marlena]

RC,

Hi! You're right! They don't even deserve the amount of effort and time you have to put into checking these people out! And true, even if you do, it proves nothing.

 

But how reliable is our gut feeling especially at the start of a relationship? Is it always right?

 

Yeah, looking back on my own experiences, it always was.

 

Sh**!!

Where do all these shady people come from?

 

Sheesh!

[GregsBad]

RC,

Hi! You're right! They don't even deserve the amount of effort and time you have to put into checking these people out! And true, even if you do, it proves nothing.

 

What about the original poster?

 

If she had checked him out she likely would have learned that his is already married.

[serial muse]

I realize that point of view will shock people who aren't yet used to hearing so much about it. I knew I'd draw some fire for being an a*sshole. I was also shocked at first, about the viewpoint, when first learning about it. But it's a valid viewpoint, inspite of being shocking. So I did some research. It's easy to google. "Getting Pregnant" "Trap" and other similar key strings.

 

After getting familiar with it, I've had women tell me "not to be shocked because girls do it a lot." Women have told me to wake up and smell the coffee, on this one.

 

I didn't mean to imply that she did it just for money.

But has a way of becomming a key factor, and yes, women have been accused of doing a "meal ticket thing". Don't act so shocked youself - it happens ... and her history will draw this fire from other sources ... it's gonna happen ... and not just on this forum where she's anonymous and gets to test her story on a crowd who she doesn't have to face each day.

 

Ha. Trust me, it's hardly that I'm shocked; I've been hearing this kind of crap for ages. I'm sure it happens, but that doesn't give people license to throw it around at anyone who gets pregnant. I've been around these boards forever and a day, and I've heard the same tired "women want to trap you! beware!!!" kind of baloney over and over again. Seriously, I think your post indicated more of a "hey! guess what I found out!" surprise than mine did. In my case, all I feel is a bit of weariness from hearing this kind of thing, which starts as a tiny germ of a story, feeds off of anonymous posters who keep telling the same apocryphal stuff as though it were news, and then away we go, it runs rampant on the internet.

 

You'll be shocked to learn how many cases have been published.

 

I daresay. I'd be quite interested to see where such cases were published, as well.

 

Girls getting pregnant - accidentaly on purpose - is much MORE common than you seem to realize. Frankly I think you probably DO know it.

 

It's this hysteria about it that bugs me. If you're going to accuse someone of anything - shoplifting, murder, baby trapping - how about a little proof first, rather than a hysterical accusation?

 

And who said ANYTHING about EQUAL CULPABILTY? You - not me.

I complained that she's accepting ZERO CULPABILITY.

Others here think she's innocent and sweet and so deceived.

You say "perhaps it isn't smart".

 

But it's downright foolish - it's stupid.

She's grown, been through the mill, has children.

She was with him two years and never "sniffed" even a hint of weasel???

Please Serial ... you gotta admit that it's pretty dumb.

 

She's too far down the road to keep being fooled by a**holes.

He wasn't her first a**hole.

 

Also ...

She and he are both adults .... not giddy youngsters.

And TWO YEARS before having sex???

That's an interesting story. Why the need to tell us that?

It sounds made up. I think others wondered too ... maybe would have asked questions if I didn't.

 

Of course some women try to trap others into marriage. Of course some men are hopeless cheaters. Of course of course of course. Does that mean most do, or that people should always be suspicious rather than receive the benefit of the doubt?

 

Honestly, I think the difference in our perspectives has something to do with where we are, respectively, in the healing process. I've already decided to leave that behind, as much as I can. I do not think it's a "dumb" choice, despite your opinion to the contrary. I simply don't choose to dislike humanity so much.

 

The accusations in your first post were indeed quite harsh, and whether or not you said "equal" culpability, I think the point is that I said "it doesn't matter" because as far as I can tell, he did all the bad stuff that's worth taking responsibility for, like the lying and cheating. Having lived through an affair, believe me, you're not telling me anything I don't know about taking on responsibility, even when it isn't obvious. I have been through that and your lesson is a bit wasted on me.

 

My point is, until I see some evidence that she got pregnant to weasel money out of him - hardly likely if they held off on having sex for two years, that's quite a time investment - then I hold to my opinion that such an accusation against this particular poster is unfounded. And I really, really hope people will think twice before running off with stuff like this.

 

And for goodness' sake - the whole point of her initial post was that she wanted to warn OW/OM away from entering into affairs knowingly. Remember that??

 

By the way -

 

can't quite understand the negative crap coming back from chicks on this forum over the idea of doing backgound checks before the hook up with the next Mr. Right.

 

This is a forum for the deceivers and the deceived

... who coincidentally have ethics that deter them from doing background checks. Heh Heh Heh! Some of you chicks are dumber than a sack of hammers .

 

In my case, at least, the "negative crap" is not a response to the idea of doing background checks at all, but to the judgment that if a person decides it isn't right for them to live that way, then that makes them "dumb as a sack of hammers" or "stupid" or some other rude judgment.

 

I don't know, GB, I guess your vision of relationships makes me kind of sad. I hope you get over your pain soon, so you can start to understand what I mean.

[GregsBad]

To Serial:

 

I have to agree that my comments were harsh.

I understand that most of your reaction is about my remarks about the possibilty that she let herself get pregnant to hook him.

 

I apoligized, although I'll also admit that that apology is short-handed in light of my continued discussion on the subject. Perhaps I should just back out and make no more replies on this thread.

 

But I do feel that she should have done more, been wiser, etc, and avoided getting into the predicament she's in. Especially having other children.

 

I'll admit I'm particularly sensitive to owning up to ones own shortcomings that made them more vunerable, less protected etc and get creamed. It's what I needed to do, in my healing processes, and it's my understanding that most therapists don't candy coat things when they see a person copping to a "she's totally innocent, he's totally guilty", viewpoint.

 

An anology would be getting hit, in your car by a drunk driver who ran a red light. Then the judgement assigns a percentage of your own damages - against you! due to the fact that you didn't fasten your seatbelts. That's a hard reality to be creamed by a guilty person and then have to face someone saying part of the damge was avoidable - so therefore the drunk driver doesn't have to pay for 100% of the damages. But that happens all the time. And you now what? Life does that - even harsher! That's life.

 

I still think that a signifigant number of posters here fall 100% into total sympathy and rarely say to the person that "you could have avoided this if you had been wiser". I think that applies to her.

 

My view is still ...

"Yes, he's a dirtbag scumball"

and, YES! "She could have avoided this if she had acted more wisely. "

 

And she WILL face these insinuations in her own world.

And she will have to explain things to her children one day.

 

I frankly think her explanation and teachings to the children will go much further if she drops the "totally innocent" approach to her predicament. She should be able to tell the daughter - "Mom made a mistake, learn from my mistake."

 

If you feel that all the people here only should get sympathetic replies, then I completely understand that. FWIW - I checked and I see no harshness in any of your replies. I appreciate that and I can do better too. And I will.

 

I apologize to you too Serial.

[RecordProducer]

What about the original poster?

 

If she had checked him out she likely would have learned that his is already married.

I said don't check the ones you don't trust - dump them right away.

 

Check the ones you trust! I don't know if some people have a better developed intuition than others, but unless the guy lives in another city or travels on business 5 days a week, I don't know how someone could possibly fool me for a long time. I dated two people from overseas and I was 100% sure that they were genuine about everything they've told me. I am talking about basics like name, address, marital status, job, education, etc. I didn't have to ask them about their criminal record, I knew they didn't have any - which brings us to the conclusion that I fall for nice guys.

[Virgo1982]

What's a troll - somebody helpe me please.

 

Is it like a nasty little demon, sent by the Lord of the Rings, to torture men who cheat?

 

To get itself impregnated by him and attach (by marriage) like a parasyte to a host? And dain his fortune while sloooowly revealing to him that she's a selfish, manipulative little potty-mouth, ruining his friendships with everyone who loved him? Then when he finally realizes that he was better off with his fat hog (the troll called her that - not me). When he wakes up to find that LittleLady, in real life, is uglier than FatHog.

 

OK - seriosly (on this forum) - what is a troll?

 

LMAO, I'm sorry, but that is too funny.

 

There are many women like that. Whether she's evil or helplessly in love, the idea of having a baby to "trap" a man in any way, shape, or form is founded on stupidity. If he doesn't want a baby, he will be turned-off (as if you were so important in the first place) Then, if you want the money, there's a little thing called opportunity cost. You would be responsible for molding the character of another human being. In addition, you would be taking care of all responsibilities. I want children in the future, but only if I have someone who shares my feelings for them. Only someone who is willing to share responsibilities. And only someone who understands what it means to be a good parent. I do not see how any "trap-daddy" could fit all of these qualifications...

[LittleLady]

Littlelady,

 

I think I struck a nerve and I figured why when I checked you posts.

 

I found one of your posts on "Are you better looking than MM's wife"

Where you spoke about tricking your MM by getting impregnated without him knowing it: You wrote:

"I'm trying to have a baby with him to secure my position in his life and pocketbook. He's been ejaculating inside me almost every sexual encounter. He thinks I'm on birth control. I will have the last laugh and that fat hog will be eradicated from his life."

 

This is incredible.

You're actually one of the females those articles focus on. You're lying to him, trying to trick him into getting you pregnant, so you can secure your position in his life and pocketbook - your words.

 

FWIW: I never stuck up for the man.

 

I just learned there really are women like you and wondered if Law was like that too. I hope not.

 

Anyway it's interesting that so many females express shock that I would imply that some women do this.

Then you popped up!

 

 

You were wrong on all fronts with the woman in question. My personal situation and the other "stories" you were referring to doesn't have anything to do with this woman. When will you wise up and smarten up?? You have no sense.. now go back to school or tell your parents to use some protection next time! We don't need any more retards roaming the earth.

 

That difficult and tedious of a task to put a condom on your pecker? Would you rather me chop it off for you? That should simplify things for the retarded. Easy to do a background check? Isn't it much easier to use protection? Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb... dumb dumb.

 

The most pretentious and idiotic argument I've heard yet on here.. keep it up.

Men have some seriously funny ways on trying to negate personal responsibility. LMFAO! Really secures my belief in regards to their lack of intelligence and maturity.

 

You don't just go around reading experiences from one person's life and extrapolate making it relative to another. You are one dumb biased nut.

 

How is my life in ANY way relative to the OP? You have an awful way of digressing and sounding senseless.

[GregsBad]

You were wrong on all fronts with the woman in question. My personal situation and the other "stories" you were referring to doesn't have anything to do with this woman. When will you wise up and smarten up?? You have no sense.. now go back to school or tell your parents to use some protection next time! We don't need any more retards roaming the earth.

 

That difficult and tedious of a task to put a condom on your pecker? Would you rather me chop it off for you? That should simplify things for the retarded. Easy to do a background check? Isn't it much easier to use protection? Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb... dumb dumb.

 

The most pretentious and idiotic argument I've heard yet on here.. keep it up.

Men have some seriously funny ways on trying to negate personal responsibility. LMFAO! Really secures my belief in regards to their lack of intelligence and maturity.

 

You don't just go around reading experiences from one person's life and extrapolate making it relative to another. You are one dumb biased nut.

 

How is my life in ANY way relative to the OP? You have an awful way of digressing and sounding senseless.

 

I have to apologize to her for insinuating that she might be like you.

[bish]

Hello, I have a three month old daughter with a man whom I thought was mine. He obviously forgot to tell me one thing while we were dating. That he was married. I should have known, but I got tired of investigating men and doing background checks all the time.

 

 

I have a question. This is not a slam on you at all, I'm just damn curious how this happens.

 

How can you not know he is married. he'd have to be pretty devious in covering it up.

Did you never ask to come over to his house/apartment? Was all correspondence done by cell phone and email?

 

But the first part gets me really. How do you have a relationship with someone when you either don't know where they live, or never seem to want you to come over there?

[new beginning]

Wow, I am so sorry for your hurt. But you can do this- you have your daughter, and that's a gift...

 

I just don't know what to say. He sounds like a complete and total scumbag. I feel bad for everyone in his life.