Phoebe Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Question to all those who have ever initiated a divorce, seperation, break-up (and I think that pretty much covers all the bases). Is it normal to sometimes have doubts about what you're doing? Or should you only call it off if you're 100% sure 100% of the time?
Unforgetable77 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Not sure its normal lol but i still have doubts as to whether i have done the right thing even after my D was made final last month so i guess ur not on ur own and i'm sure there are many others who feel the same way!!
PWSX3 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Question to all those who have ever initiated a divorce, seperation, break-up (and I think that pretty much covers all the bases). Is it normal to sometimes have doubts about what you're doing? Or should you only call it off if you're 100% sure 100% of the time? How about having doubts about getting back together with your spouse after a separation? That is one I feel you can also add to the list.
polywog Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 How could the doubts not be normal? This person you are exiting from is a part of your history, someone you loved (or at least thought you did) once.
Author Phoebe Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 I've never been the one to walk away before and I hate to hurt him but there's just some things that I don't accept anymore. It's the old cliche I guess, "I love him but I'm not in love with him". How do you tell the difference between the end of a marriage and just a bad time in the marriage?
Gunny376 Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 You could spend the rest of your life sitting around spitting "moonshine" in the fire ~ and still not ever find the answer. Why? If? The defination of "If" is ~ is that if grasshoppers had .45''s pistols ~ crows wouldn't **** with them! But, they don't and so crows have them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Just that plain ~ just that simple! Move on ~ and tell him ~ "You're up 100 miles out of Phoneix, AZ and out of gas ~ Mother Trucker!
Art_Critic Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Everybody's line of when to get out is different.. some might get out early and some might go down with the ship.. The doubts keep you in the marriage trying to improve things.. it is up to you to know when things are no longer salvageable and to move on. I was the latter to a point.. I took my vows seriously and stayed married the last year mostly for my stepdaughter. I had doubts all the way thru it.. but once I hired an attorney I learned to listen to him.. He kept me straight and I followed him thru the process.. Today 6 years later I am so glad I never gave in to those doubts and went thru with it..
socialight Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 you only get married knowing or feeling 100% sure so i think you should only get separated being 100% sure.
notspiritual Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 The end of a marriage is when one of the spouse has given up working on the marriage. You cannot save a marriage alone, so you call it off when the other spouse has given up. As long as both spouses are still willing to save the marriage, there is hope. If you call it off while the other spouse is still willing to work on the marriage, you will have to live with your doubts for not trying hard enough, for taking the easy road in life.
Herzen Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Question to all those who have ever initiated a divorce, seperation, break-up (and I think that pretty much covers all the bases). Is it normal to sometimes have doubts about what you're doing? Or should you only call it off if you're 100% sure 100% of the time? Doubts are to be expected. Divorce and separation, unlike marriage, are never entered into lightly--especially when children are involved. How does one know? Chronicity is a strong indicator. I was extremely unhappy for about 5 years before I left. That's just not a bad mood. People here will tell you that separation and divorce is the easy road, and that marriage is so much more difficult. To that I say bulls#it! Separating and divorcing a spouse who's also the parent of your children is tremendously difficult--emotionally, socially and existentially. The guilt over the harm you caused loved ones will haunt you.The social stigma, especially as the dumping spouse, also is real. Separation and divorce both come with major costs. In many respects it's much easier to limp along in a chronically unhappy marriage than change the status quo. It takes no special courage or virtue to remain married. If done right, however, the kids and even the ex adapt and people move on with their lives. In time, you will become much happier except at those moments when you lie awake in bed, in a cold sweat, asking yourself: "What the fu#k did I do?" And there's no right answer...
notspiritual Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 IMHO, from most diffcult to least difficult: Working on marriage > Divorce > Remain in unhappy marriage.
sumdude Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 IMHO, from most diffcult to least difficult: Working on marriage > Divorce > Remain in unhappy marriage. Hmmm... I think it all depends on each individual situation and the people involved. We all see the world through our own experiences. Divorce can be the most difficult, particularly when children are involved.
aaaaaiiiiieeeee Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Outside of death I don't think you can be 100% sure about life in general, there are just too many variables. Second guessing yourself though will only drive you nuts. If you make the decision to divorce put the doubts out of your mind. For me it was rather easy to come to the decision to divorce. She left for someone else, but I still took time off before making the decision. It's not good to make life changing decisions in the heat of the moment. There are those that stick through the bad times in the marriage and come out happier and better. There are those that don't come out happier. There are those that divorce and it's the best thing that ever happened to them, and there are those that divorce and find themselves more miserable than they were in the marriage. You can only control what you do. The outcome will be whatever it will be make the best of it I would say.
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