Elentari Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, and my jealousy is becoming a problem. We both like videogames, and tried out a free MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game) a few months ago. We stopped playing because both of us got so incredibly jealous that it couldn't go on. When I'd play without him, but with some other people in our "guild", he'd envy the fact that I was talking to them. The only reason I'd been allowed to join the guild was because I'd been jealous of the fact he played with them, and wouldn't solely play with me, and made him feel guilty enough to let me in. Then we tried a new game. He found some people to kill monsters with, and I was alone. I instantly felt the flicker of jealousy again, and reverted to some childish "why won't you just play with me?" state, getting needlessly worked up about it. Why on earth am I like this? It's ridiculous. I want him to understand how I feel, but he - somewhat logically, I guess - can't even see why I act this way. He thinks he's done nothing wrong. I think I just need more attention than I deserve. Any opinions?
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Elentari, I wonder if this is the right place to solve your problem. Because this "jealousy and online games" thing happens here all the time. Ahahahhahaa On a more serious note, why get yourself in such a funk over online gaming? I know what you're saying about him not playing exclusively with you - but that was the reason you guys joined this MMORPG (I've forgotten what it stands for already). The purpose was to be able to play with people other than each other.
ruby_gloom Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 On a more serious note, why get yourself in such a funk over online gaming? I know what you're saying about him not playing exclusively with you - but that was the reason you guys joined this MMORPG (I've forgotten what it stands for already). The purpose was to be able to play with people other than each other. firstly, online videogames are just terrible. secondly, ttsp is right: the main purpose behind MMORPGs, and online multiplayer gaming in general, is to be able to form "groups" of people with whom you can play with online. that really is the essence of online gaming: to be able to play with others--anyone--locally or worldwide. if this were not the case, then it would be akin to console gaming, which it is not because console gaming, more or less, was designed to be played via first player (read: individually) mode. some console games, though not all, have the ability to be able to be played in a multiplayer mode, but even then it is limited to one or two people who have to be physically there with you, in the same room. sure you can add peripherals and knock yourself out with 8 players in one room playing the same game, but come on now. short of some Mario games, what others can be played like this? thus, you guys (or he) decided to engange in online gaming in order to expand his gaming experience and that said, yes, you are being slightly ridiculous in getting all worked up about him playing with others. the fact is that you are both in a guild and that implies that it is you, him and a menagerie of other people. this may sound bizarre, but it is true that "affairs" can occure while playing online games. however, this usually comes about from someone playing and "getting to know" another from the group, and gradually starting to interact in ways other than simply through the game, like instant messaging, email, phone, etc. when this comes about, an "affair" can ensue, but this is actually not very common, and besides, your situation doesn't seem to be heading in that direction at all. you have to understand that videogames are meant to be fun and if you start bickering because of this, then it will no longer be fun. in all honesty, a couple being able to same the same love and passion for videogames is not all that common. sure some girls "like" videogames (think Mario and more Mario), but not may girls are really into gaming. to be able to share that with your bf is a nice thing, and if you (and he) keep on behaving this way, you are going to ruin something that is special for you both, and you don't want that, do you? when you play, go off and do your thing, scoring as many points and skills as possible. the main idea behind every videogame is points and winning. if you go out and show off your cool skills, gaining points and territory for your guild, after the game you can tell your bf something like, "did you check out what i did? am i awesome or what?" and kid about it and make it a memorable experience, not a bad one. also, i'm going to state the obvious: you need to talk to the other people in your guild! what good will it do to be playing co-op with someone you can't talk to? co-op/multiplayer requires communication, if not the whole team will fail, so you two have to not only talk to each other, but to the others as well. further, why not play this game for a while and then switch to a game "just for you two"? you know, something only he and you can play. this way, you'll have fun playing with a big group but will also have some down time to play with just he and you.
rainfall Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 firstly, online videogames are just terrible. . They aren't that bad....they can actually be kind of fun. My advice to the OP try to make some friends with people in your guild so you can have some cool people to hang out with whenever your bf is busy doing something else. Do you have any other friends that you guys play with? If so maybe you could hang out with them when he is busy. You could work on some of the "solo" aspects" of the game while he is busy. I play online games with my bf alot so I can understand the desire to want to play with your man, however when he is doing his own thing I have no problem finding something else I enjoy in the game. Good luck.
Cool Breeze Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 I suggest both of you agreeing to a month-long cold turkey ban of playing video games. NO video game playing for a month. I have to do that with myself from surfing the internet. I only check email and do business (banking, bill-paying, research only if necessary). It really is refreshing to get outside or actually read a book. Discover the romance again. You might not ever go back to video games.
dgiirl Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Discover the romance again. I think this is the actual problem. I dont think playing the game with friends is the real problem, but lack of attention to each other OUTSIDE of the game probably is. Elentari, you admit that your reactions to the situation are irrational, so I believe there is something else that is going on with you and you are just using the game as a scapegoat to get those feelings out.
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