Am I a psycho loser for wanting her back?

[openjester98]

She broke up with me after 6 months because “I didn’t call her pretty enough” and I didn’t initiate sex enough (though she liked it and we had it almost everdyday she visited), that I didn’t make her feel special and that she wasn’t getting th intiamacy in a relationship she wanted. I put everything into this, did all the little things, kept things exciting, admitted to my faults and the willingness to work on them. Trust me on this, I was a very solid, attentive boyfiend.

 

She has low self-esteem, has issues in her life that make her act very selfish, self-centered and needy. I tried explaining while we were breaking up that I understand she has these issues but that her expectations for a relationship to “cure” those things is unfair to me. I said flatly that I was willing to make the effort to make this work, She said “that feels forced”

 

The following week I get a text saying ‘It breaks my heart thing didn’t work out between us, but I don’t regret trying” So like a moron I text her back, we can work, etc then get annoyed cuz she doesn’t text back, so I call her and ask why she would say that when there is no reason we can’t work this out if we want to. No, “we don’t work”. Then she says she wants someone less selfish and internalized and that I only care about people superficially. Fine.

 

The following week, she sends my stuff back with a note detailing how sorry she is for how things worked out and that I am really a kind gentle person, etc. and that she is the awful, terrible person and that she hopes this will make her a better person.

 

So like a moron, I send her an email a few days later just laying it all out there, that I can’t stand to see her hating herself, that she deserves someone who will love her DESPITE her faults. That I love her enough to put up with all of this, that we both made mistakes, etc. No, “I keep trying to make excuses due to my state of mind but we are just on different levels.” Ok. So we don’t work. The next night I get a “I’m so sorry baby. I wish things were different.” Text. So I call her. Same answer.

 

I’m tired of getting jerked around, so the next 2 weeks I tell her how much her negative self image affected our relationship, I send her 1 email each weekend where I am saying that she is blaming her problems on our relationship, projecting what she feels is wrong with her as though it is my fault. Very bad response, f*off. Ok, but I just blow up and call her selfish, that she only cares about how she looks, that I believed in her when no one else did in about 9 texts.

 

I am really depressed at this point and more so since there is not the slightest hint of recognition that anything I have said has meant anything to her, I send some random drunk txts mainly “I miss u” stuff and am kinda ok. Resigned to the way things are, I send her 2 more emails 2 weeks after the last ones and say that we don’t work since she can’t come up with her half of the discussion about what the problem is (since more or less all her initial reasons have been reversed). Then I txt her that despite everything I wish she would change and come back, but that I know that won’t happen.

 

She is a beautiful, brilliant, funny and sensitive woman, but her inner demons make her into a monster at times and instead of dealing with them she blames them on other people. I feel like I failed her by simply not doing what she wanted and calling her pretty all the time (I didn’t because I thought that was like giving durgs to a drug addict) , or carrying her to the bedroom and just doing her (I didn’t because I didn’t like her when she was in a crap mood). I love her and wish she could see some truth in what I am saying instead of thinking its an attack or further proof of our incompatiabilites. I feel like a psycho for not wanting to give up on her, and she thinks I am now. Though everyone else we know thinks she is crazy. I feel like a complete loser for putting all of my pride and dignity on the line for this girl, for nothing. Am I just a psycho? Am I a loser for giving a crap? I don’t know.

[Lizzie60]

She broke up with me after 6 months because “I didn’t call her pretty enough” and I didn’t initiate sex enough (though she liked it and we had it almost everdyday she visited), that I didn’t make her feel special and that she wasn’t getting th intiamacy in a relationship she wanted. I put everything into this, did all the little things, kept things exciting, admitted to my faults and the willingness to work on them. Trust me on this, I was a very solid, attentive boyfiend.

 

She has low self-esteem, has issues in her life that make her act very selfish, self-centered and needy. I tried explaining while we were breaking up that I understand she has these issues but that her expectations for a relationship to “cure” those things is unfair to me. I said flatly that I was willing to make the effort to make this work, She said “that feels forced”

 

The following week I get a text saying ‘It breaks my heart thing didn’t work out between us, but I don’t regret trying” So like a moron I text her back, we can work, etc then get annoyed cuz she doesn’t text back, so I call her and ask why she would say that when there is no reason we can’t work this out if we want to. No, “we don’t work”. Then she says she wants someone less selfish and internalized and that I only care about people superficially. Fine.

 

The following week, she sends my stuff back with a note detailing how sorry she is for how things worked out and that I am really a kind gentle person, etc. and that she is the awful, terrible person and that she hopes this will make her a better person.

 

So like a moron, I send her an email a few days later just laying it all out there, that I can’t stand to see her hating herself, that she deserves someone who will love her DESPITE her faults. That I love her enough to put up with all of this, that we both made mistakes, etc. No, “I keep trying to make excuses due to my state of mind but we are just on different levels.” Ok. So we don’t work. The next night I get a “I’m so sorry baby. I wish things were different.” Text. So I call her. Same answer.

 

I’m tired of getting jerked around, so the next 2 weeks I tell her how much her negative self image affected our relationship, I send her 1 email each weekend where I am saying that she is blaming her problems on our relationship, projecting what she feels is wrong with her as though it is my fault. Very bad response, f*off. Ok, but I just blow up and call her selfish, that she only cares about how she looks, that I believed in her when no one else did in about 9 texts.

 

I am really depressed at this point and more so since there is not the slightest hint of recognition that anything I have said has meant anything to her, I send some random drunk txts mainly “I miss u” stuff and am kinda ok. Resigned to the way things are, I send her 2 more emails 2 weeks after the last ones and say that we don’t work since she can’t come up with her half of the discussion about what the problem is (since more or less all her initial reasons have been reversed). Then I txt her that despite everything I wish she would change and come back, but that I know that won’t happen.

 

She is a beautiful, brilliant, funny and sensitive woman, but her inner demons make her into a monster at times and instead of dealing with them she blames them on other people. I feel like I failed her by simply not doing what she wanted and calling her pretty all the time (I didn’t because I thought that was like giving durgs to a drug addict) , or carrying her to the bedroom and just doing her (I didn’t because I didn’t like her when she was in a crap mood). I love her and wish she could see some truth in what I am saying instead of thinking its an attack or further proof of our incompatiabilites. I feel like a psycho for not wanting to give up on her, and she thinks I am now. Though everyone else we know thinks she is crazy. I feel like a complete loser for putting all of my pride and dignity on the line for this girl, for nothing. Am I just a psycho? Am I a loser for giving a crap? I don’t know.

 

My-my why would you want to go back with a torturer like that????

Move on, forget about this freaken spoiled, selfish brat. Geez...

 

I know a relationship is a lot of work but when it's only one person doing ALL the work, I can't see how this can work in the end...

 

Trust me.., move on... I know it's tough but life is too short to put up with crap like that.

 

I have to admit that I didn't read all your post... I got tired after the 4th paragraph... geez... what a lot of work!!!!

 

To answer your last question: Yes you are.

[budd98]

Openjester, your situation is EXACTLY like mine. I had been dating a girl for the last 2 years that is very beautiful and sweet sometimes.....but can turn on a dime. She is so insecure and tells me I made her that way. I treat her really great and she does nothing. I am always begging to work things out and she always tells me it is pointless cause I am so self-ish. We have been broken up for 2 weeks now. I still send sweet messages and tell her that I hope she has a good day and all that junk. She never tells me that ever. I know it isn't healthy for me to stay in the relationship but for some reason I keep triing to make it work. What will I get out of it????? Damn good question. I think I am stuck on the fact that I want to take care of her and I feel bad not being there for her. It is so crazy!!! If you have any questions let me know cause I know we are dealing with the same B.S.....

[JoL]

You need to stop messaging her, stop calling her, stop emailing her. Nothing you do or say is going to bring her back.

 

You are just pushing her away and she is going to end up thinking you are obsessive and creepy.

 

Seriously. Stop all contact, just move on with your life and ignore her. Don't engage in these "why we didn't work" conversations.

 

If she loved you and wanted to work things out she would still be with you.

[funkybassplayer]

look at my tread, goodbye my lady. Same girl??? Mate best thing is to walk away and let her be. I had the same situation, and it is just selfishness on there part. Theres nothing you can do, whatever you do, there will be something else and so on. people like that make problems for themselves. |Like you i love her, but contacting her all the time will do nothing exept drag you down. Very soon she will get someone new like mine did, she will be lovely at first then all the problems will start again with them. leave it mate for your own sanity!!

[KaneNAbel]

I agree with FBP. These girls have deep seeded issues. You already sound like you are taking blame. But she has the issues and you can't fix her. If you were with her while these issues were being 'fixed', she probably would have dropped you after she was better. She will always associate you with 'that time in her life' if she does get better.

 

Like everyone else, I say leave her be. It's better that it ended now. Work on yourself and you'll find someone that is a better reflection of yourself. You may be insecure yourself, but you see how that attracts like minded people? Take a good hard look at who you attract, then who you want. I'm sure that in order to get what/who you want, you need to improve yourself.