hurtingdeep Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Ok, so from the beginning of our relationship (about 2 months in).. i kissed another girl and felt real guilty about it and came out and told my girlfriend about it. She was upset but we worked through it and ended up together for 2 years, although i feel this occurrence caused trust and jealousy issues to stem. I myself, was not mature during this relationship and became jealous at inappropriate times, I had alot of insecurities with her as she was my first real girlfriend and first love as well. For the most part of our 2 years together, i was 21 and she was underage so i was able to go to bars and party and she would have to stay home or go out to eat with her friends.. she did not have many friends though. We had many arguments and bickered at eachother alot but alot of fights i feel were my fault because i was just acting out for no reason. I would sometimes play with her head and say i wanted to break up but didnt really want to (i guess i did it for attention or to see how she would react.. not a good thing and i realize that was wrong) Anyway, she would always cry and say she loved me and wanted to stay with me. So 2 years go by and on her 21st birthday, she decides to break up after her mother says she saw me "all over" some girl in the bar we were celebrating her birthday. Basically, i saw a girl i haven't seen in a while and hugged her and said hello. The next morning, after the break up, i was devastated. I waited for her to call and she eventually did. At this point i was pissed she got drunk and lashed out at me, so i didn't answer her calls for 2 days. Eventually i called her back and she told me she made a mistake. Obviously, i missed her and loved her so we got back together. The next month together was not the same as we got back together and things just did not feel right. We were trying to really get to the core of our problems and work things out. She began to see a psychologist to get advice and discussed with me what she talked about. I felt like she was playing games with me even though she was the one who wanted to get back together. I would call and she wouldnt answer or return calls 2 hours later, not a normal thing for us. So i began feeling fed up. Anyway, about a month to the date from her birthday, her mother comes to my work and accusses of me of all this stuff that never ever happened. I couldnt believe it and i was shocked. Her mom and step-dad told me to stay away from her and i was very upset. That was the last day we talked, she came to my house upset saying her mom was making things up and she would try to talk to her about it. So we kissed goodbye and she went off. She then called me about 2 hours later saying things were just "out of control" and she didnt think it was going to work out. I agreed, even though it was hard to do so. So it's been NC for a week now and every day i am hurting deep and missing her so much i can't even put it into words. So i need advice, PLEASE give your thoughts on our break-up and provide some insight for me, because i feel like this is the hardest thing i ever experienced. Thank you. What do i do to get through this? Do you think she is feeling this pain too? How do i put things into perspective and not get upset about how i treated her sometimes? Will she ever call or contact in any way? How do i move on?
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