Moose Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Well, I think that there are less people than you think who frown on sex before marriage...That's a matter of personal experience. I don't, "hang out", with the crowd that doesn't frown on it. So unless you have the stats.....this statement is here say.no actually, I don't think that it would be wonderful after all...part of being in a R is watching your knowledge of the other person unfold...not being delivered another's persons life as a "RESUME"...I disagree. THE part of being in a relationship is growing together as one. You need to know as much as possible about the other person BEFORE you commit a part of your life, or, (in my case), your entire life to them. Call it old school if you'd like. Now and days.....it's all over the tv, billboards, and internet as acceptable to have FWB, mistresses, and affairs. I really don't think there's anything more for me to say to you...you're one of the people who see things as very black and white and anything that I say will be dismissed by you, just by reading what you've posted above...That's too bad. Truth of the matter is....it's very black and white. Good values and morals are being stomped on. Everyone pays whether one tells on the other.
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 but this has nothing to do with being married or not, people are out there sleeping around all the time. But, if you are married, the spouse has a right to exclusivity.
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 But, if you are married, the spouse has a right to exclusivity. a reasonable expectation of and, usually, confidence in exclusivity. Hence the betrayal factor!
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 a reasonable expectation of and, usually, confidence in exclusivity. Hence the betrayal factor! Bottom line is relationships take work and effort. People marry the wrong person, and because of it make wrong decisions all the time. Loving another person is paifull and loving a married person is painfull. Listen people throw love around like it is nothing... but when you have feelings for someone that is so different. Telling should be on a situation to situation basis.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Ok, how many people who have been tested for HIV came up negative then died within 364 days of HIV? There's a 6 month window from the time of contracting the disease to it showing up positive...Even if you caught this disease, there are drugs to maintain quality of life...Look at Magic Johnsion... And I'm really tired of this argument...Maybe everyone should really get facts about STD's before going around and trying to scare others about their reality... I find it interesting that alot of married people like to preach to everyone that they shouldn't have sex unless they are married...and if they do, they're going to die... That's not a fact...most diseases are curable and those that aren't are treatable...and guess what, everyone's going to die some day anyway... So if you get tested and are as responsible as you can be, you're most likely not going to DIE within 364 days... Anyways, that's all I have to say about that...
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Anyways, that's all I have to say about that... Thank you, Forrest.
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 well anyone could die at any time...like being hit by a bus for example... But I agree with Gel as we are forgetting that being an OW or an OM for that matter does not mean that you are at any higher risk for STD's.. It could happen to anyone
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 P.S. My last post was actually in reply to Post #23...but it wouldn't let me edit it to include the post...
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 But I agree with Gel as we are forgetting that being an OW or an OM for that matter does not mean that you are at any higher risk for STD's.. We are talking about BS, not OW/OM. Of course there is a higher risk for BS. They have effectively taken on another sexual partner without their knowledge.
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 We are talking about BS, not OW/OM. Of course there is a higher risk for BS. ok.... Who knows who they are sleeping with... the MM could also be a BS, or the MW could also be a BS...
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 ok.... Who knows who they are sleeping with... the MM could also be a BS, or the MW could also be a BS... Very true. So the moral of the story is: Keep your clothes on except within a committed, for both, relationship!
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Who knows who they are sleeping with... the MM could also be a BS, or the MW could also be a BS... Life is one huge orgy. No wonder I feel like I'm missing out.
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 So the moral of the story is: Keep your clothes on Are you trying to tell us that you've never done it with your clothes on?? Not even a quickie?!
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Are you trying to tell us that you've never done it with your clothes on?? Not even a quickie?! Nope! Not sayin' that. Not sayin' nothin'!
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 The moral is choose your parteners wisely... You can still be married to someone that has an std... I agree it is a scary world out there... Maybe I am different but I never thought oh I will get married because It will stop me from getting an STD... um how about just not having sex. I am with someone because I have feelings for them.
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I am with someone because I have feelings for them. And if his penis fell off...
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 The moral is choose your parteners wisely... You can still be married to someone that has an std... I agree it is a scary world out there... Maybe I am different but I never thought oh I will get married because It will stop me from getting an STD... um how about just not having sex. I am with someone because I have feelings for them. Can't argue with any of that. Yes it is! Never thought of that either. So am I!
Author Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 No doubt the MW/MM has more than his/her share of responsibility to inform the Betrayed spouse about his/her affair(s). I also feel the OW/OM must take their share of responsibility for actively participating in an affair. The ones that aren't aware to begin with can still make the choice as at the time of discovery. To distance yourself from responsibility is the same as the previous example I gave of a drunk driver who kills a man who is a father. "No, I did not kill the father of that child, I accidentally hit a pedestrian. I see a clear delineation between those events. The fatherhood relationship is between the deceased and the child."
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 "No, I did not kill the father of that child, I accidentally hit a pedestrian. I see a clear delineation between those events. The fatherhood relationship is between the deceased and the child." Great example. The social web can be very, very intricate. No wonder I am such a popular target. What you see, is what you get.
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Adults can be responsible in many ways...and can be retested at annual exams... Annual exams do not prevent you from contracting a virus. They simply let you know if you’ve got one. Again, as individuals, we’re responsible for doing what ever is necessary to protect ourselves. But as couples we’re also VERY MUCH responsible for protecting our partners as well. After all, that’s a big part of what being in a mutually responsible and caring relationship is all about. When you’re single and dating, that’s one thing. It requires that you take those extra precautions. But how many married and long-term couples who trust (however blindly) that they’re in monogamous relationships with healthy, responsible people still require their partners to ware condoms and wrap themselves in cellophane?
Author Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Great example. The social web can be very, very intricate. No wonder I am such a popular target. What you see, is what you get. Well, it's difficult to escape detection when you're an elephant. Most people would look if they saw one on the side of the road and you know that if a driver does this, they tend to steer towards the object of interest.
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 But how many married and long-term couples who trust (however blindly) that they’re in monogamous relationships with healthy, responsible people still require their partners to ware condoms and wrap themselves in cellophane? Another excellent point.
Author Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Annual exams do not prevent you from contracting a virus. They simply let you know if you’ve got one. Again, as individuals, we’re responsible for doing what ever is necessary to protect ourselves. But as couples we’re also VERY MUCH responsible for protecting our partners as well. After all, that’s a big part of what being in a mutually responsible and caring relationship is all about. When you’re single and dating, that’s one thing. It requires that you take those extra precautions. But how many married and long-term couples who trust (however blindly) that they’re in monogamous relationships with healthy, responsible people still require their partners to ware condoms and wrap themselves in cellophane? Most people enter marriages with the eye to the future and the potential of having children in a monogamous relationship. A difficult feat if you're wearing a condom, don't you think?
crazy_grl Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 But how many married and long-term couples who trust (however blindly) that they’re in monogamous relationships with healthy, responsible people still require their partners to ware condoms and wrap themselves in cellophane? That's pretty much what I was thinking. Shouldn't the BS be told that they're at a much greater risk for STDs than what they thought they were. That way they can at least protect themself (start using condoms, divorce, or whatever they decided) before they contract a disease instead of being left to find out at an annual exam that they've got HIV.
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Most people enter marriages with the eye to the future and the potential of having children in a monogamous relationship. A difficult feat if you're wearing a condom, don't you think? Yeap. And sex ain’t that much fun if you have to mummy-wrap him in plastic cause ya don’t know where he’s been.
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