Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 In a different thread, it made me consider the potential impact of not telling the wife. Not all cheaters, but some if not many are serial, whether the OW/OM is aware of this. If you keep your affair a secret, how will she/he ever know to have herself/himself checked out for potentially life-threatening diseases? I guess the question would be, do you care enough to consider this aspect of an affair, nevermind the emotional impacts? While the OW in my situation didn't tell, within 24 hours of finding out about my ex-husband's infidelity, I went and got checked out. Thanks to luck, I was clean. Food for thought, for people involved in affairs, whether you're the MM/MW or the OW/OM in question.
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I guess the question would be, do you care enough to consider this aspect of an affair, nevermind the emotional impacts? If they cared at all they wouldn't enter into potentially endangering behavior in the first place. To have that level of concern for their unsuspecting spouse is to have some modicum of honor and integrity. Half the "thrill" of an extramarital relationship is the secrecy and element of risk of being caught. Take that away and it really isn't all that much fun!
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 If they cared at all they wouldn't enter into potentially endangering behavior in the first place. To have that level of concern for their unsuspecting spouse is to have some modicum of honor and integrity. Half the "thrill" of an extramarital relationship is the secrecy and element of risk of being caught. Take that away and it really isn't all that much fun! I am hoping you are meaning that WS enjoys the thrill of secrecy? Because if you believe that the majority of OW feel that way about their A's, you're couldn't be more wrong...Most (most, not all) of the OW here love their MM, period... And I really think it's the MM's responsibility to protect his W's health...I don't think you are implying that it is the OW's responsibility? Or are you? I mean, why is it the OW's responsibility for everything? Shouldn't the WS be responsible? Technically speaking, the OW shouldn't even exist...so where does the rift begin? Men are not responsible for anything that they do and women are responsible for everything and everyone? When is society going to start expecting men to start stepping up to the plate and abolish the boys will be boys mentality?
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I am hoping you are meaning that WS enjoys the thrill of secrecy? I believe that's what I said and that's what I meant. I'm all too aware that a large percentage of OW "love" their MM. Pity! And I really think it's the MM's responsibility to protect his W's health...I don't think you are implying that it is the OW's responsibility? Or are you? I mean, why is it the OW's responsibility for everything? Shouldn't the WS be responsible? Technically speaking, the OW shouldn't even exist...so where does the rift begin? I agree. No I'm not. It isn't. It shouldn't. She shouldn't. When he steps out of the marriage and the OW is willing. Men are not responsible for anything that they do and women are responsible for everything and everyone? Is this what you believe? It isn't what I believe. When is society going to start expecting men to start stepping up to the plate and abolish the boys will be boys mentality? Mature society did so long ago. When will the girls stop helping the boys be boys?
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I agree. No I'm not. It isn't. It shouldn't. She shouldn't. When he steps out of the marriage and the OW is willing. This was meant to the OP... Is this what you believe? It isn't what I believe. No, it isn't what I believe at all or I wouldn't have questioned it...but again, the rest of my post was meant to the original post... Mature society did so long ago. Come on, let's be realistic...then why is the WS forgiven and the OW demonized... When will the girls stop helping the boys be boys? Why are "girls" expected to curb someone else's behavior? Everyone is responsible for themself...
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I told because my soul could not take the dishonesty and the lies anymore. Always with any partener you need to think about safety, it is a scary thing with someone who is sleeping around and you don't have to be married to be doing so...
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Why are "girls" expected to curb someone else's behavior? Everyone is responsible for themself... I wasn't saying they were supposed to do so overtly. How about this? The girls should stop their own behavior of taking up with married men! That would be equally responsible as men not stepping outside their marriages. It's the failure to act "responsibly" on both their parts that creates extramarital affairs. Better?
Moose Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Why are "girls" expected to curb someone else's behavior?I think the MAIN point is that if the girl knows the man she's interested in is married.....to back off. Otherwise, she shares the responsibities/ramifications......
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I think the MAIN point is that if the girl knows the man she's interested in is married.....to back off. Otherwise, she shares the responsibities/ramifications...... The assumption is that the OW always KNOWS he is married...that's not always the case...
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 , do you care enough to consider this aspect of an affair, nevermind the emotional impacts? Exactly. That's why caring people stick to virgins. That's a win-win situation, for sure.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Otherwise, she shares the responsibilities/ramifications...... For the sake of discussion, and I think intent of the OP, it would only be her responsibility for the health of the BS to tell if you knew that she would be at risk for some funky disease... If you've been tested and know that you don't have anything, then there's really no reason to inform the spouse...
Moose Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 The assumption is that the OW always KNOWS he is married...that's not always the case...Just thinking out loud here...... BUT If two people are going to have sex, wouldn't they.....or SHOULDN'T they know just about everything about that other person? This is precisely why sex before marriage is looked down upon by so many. If they hop in the sack so fast to get some selfish satifaction......they deserve what they get. They are both responsible in my book......
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 The assumption is that the OW always KNOWS he is married...that's not always the case... But once she knows that ought to be the end of it, love notwithstanding.
NearlyThere Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 In a different thread, it made me consider the potential impact of not telling the wife. Not all cheaters, but some if not many are serial, whether the OW/OM is aware of this. If you keep your affair a secret, how will she/he ever know to have herself/himself checked out for potentially life-threatening diseases? I guess the question would be, do you care enough to consider this aspect of an affair, nevermind the emotional impacts? While the OW in my situation didn't tell, within 24 hours of finding out about my ex-husband's infidelity, I went and got checked out. Thanks to luck, I was clean. Food for thought, for people involved in affairs, whether you're the MM/MW or the OW/OM in question. My thought on this is that really you have no more way of knowing whether the MM/MW you are seeing is a serial cheater and had sex with numerous people or a single person and does not tell you about their previous sexual history which could also involve many sexual partners. Same answer goes with both, practise safe sex.
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 If you've been tested and know that you don't have anything, then there's really no reason to inform the spouse... Assuming you could be sleeping with a serial cheater, or may be one yourself, a single test is no guarantee.
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Ok.. but every day men and women have mulitple partners and never tell... This has nothing to do with being married or not, it is something to consider seriously as your health is important, but what about all thos singletons that f*** someone different weekly, even nightly... Telling for me had to do more with the test of love and honesty. I still feel guilty, always will
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Just thinking out loud here......BUT If two people are going to have sex, wouldn't they.....or SHOULDN'T they know just about everything about that other person? This is precisely why sex before marriage is looked down upon by so many. If they hop in the sack so fast to get some selfish satifaction......they deserve what they get. They are both responsible in my book...... Well, I think that there are less people than you think who frown on sex before marriage...but you just let me know where you're coming from, so none of my arguments will be considered valid to you... It would be wonderful if you could know everything about the other person you're in a R with...no actually, I don't think that it would be wonderful after all...part of being in a R is watching your knowledge of the other person unfold...not being delivered another's persons life as a "RESUME"... I really don't think there's anything more for me to say to you...you're one of the people who see things as very black and white and anything that I say will be dismissed by you, just by reading what you've posted above... Have a nice day!
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Assuming you could be sleeping with a serial cheater, or may be one yourself, a single test is no guarantee. Adults can be responsible in many ways...and can be retested at annual exams...
Moose Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 but what about all thos singletons that f*** someone different weekly, even nightly...That's what some zealots would say AIDS is for. They have the......"It'll eventually catch up to them"....type of mentality. There will always be collateral damage, there's no avoiding that. The only thing, (in my mind), that would slow it down would be a national revival of the sanctity of marriage.
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Telling is about making a decision, will you stay will you go.... will it be yes... or sorry The whole thing is simple yet complicated... I never slept with many men, but at the same time all it takes is just one, you have to be carefull and stay on top of things ( magic, tragic or PL please don't quote that last line)
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Assuming you could be sleeping with a serial cheater, or may be one yourself, a single test is no guarantee. Very good point. Ok.. but every day men and women have mulitple partners and never tell... Again, true. But, after college, things tend to settle down a bit.
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Adults can be responsible in many ways...and can be retested at annual exams... But if they were truly responsible adults they wouldn't be in that kind of an affair to begin with. And what happens the other 364 days of the year between annual exams can literally be deadly.
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 And what happens the other 364 days of the year between annual exams can literally be deadly. Some people can even get it on with the duty nurse. I think a day's abstinence is reasonable, though. Needles can sometimes mess with your mojo.
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 But if they were truly responsible adults they wouldn't be in that kind of an affair to begin with. And what happens the other 364 days of the year between annual exams can literally be deadly. but this has nothing to do with being married or not, people are out there sleeping around all the time.
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