SadForever Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Why is it so hard for guys to be honest about their feelings? Why do they think it's ok to ignore important issues? Ignoring a woman can drive her insane. It seems to make my boyfriend (ex now) angry that i cant handle having the bulk of my messages ignored, or never hearing "i love you". He asked me to wait for him, but he seems to expect me to wait for him without him giving me much of anything back, including no guarantees he'd even still want me after i waited for him. tonite he officially broke up with me after i texted him 2 questions. the questions were meant to get enough reaction out of him that he might respond to me. the questions i asked were "do you think theres any chance of us being together in the future?" and "do you want me to stop loving you?". he responded back in anger saying "if you have to ask that then you've already lost hope and its dead". i dont know what he meant by that. i say he's been too chicken to admit his feelings for me changed. he'll always appologize and claim he's just too busy to talk most of the time. but he's always been very busy in the army and he didnt let that stop him before. he's full of excuses and appologies about why he hasnt been in touch. ive asked him to have a phone conversation with me, that its not fair to break up with me in text and leave me feeling so confused.
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 tonite he officially broke up with me after i texted him 2 questions. Honestly, I don't blame him. Anyway, lesson learned. Next time you're in a relationship, be sure to restrict your texts to a single question. "I love you," is OK, too. Sorry, that would be, "I <3 U," right? I wasn't thinking.
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 If a guy starts to distance himself, there's not much you can do about it, especially if he refuses to discuss the issues. Consider yourself lucky in a round-about way that you didn't settle down with a non-communicative man. It sounds like you need a more reassuring guy. In future, try not to barrage guys with texts. If something is important to you, call. If you end up with voicemail, leave a message and above all, leave the ball in his court. If he doesn't respond, you have a definitive answer.
RecordProducer Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Frankly, your BF is right; if you have to ask him for guarantees verbally then you already don't have faith in your love, which means you don't feel like everything is going smoothly. And he agrees with you so he doesn't want to give you any guarantees. He would be with you under casual conditions, but since you want guarantees that he can't give you then goodbye. He is not in love with you. It's not about men not being able to communicate their feelings. It's about one man who isn't crazy about you. It's not the end of the world. You'll find someone who will love you enough to give you guarantees and show you with his behavior that he means every word he says. Good luck! Why do you want to hear "I love you"? Have you ever thought that he doesn't want to bullsh*t you? Sorry to be harsh, but when he think that we're entitled to someone's love, we have a hard time accepting the reality. No one in this world has to love you or tell you that he loves you. The only sin is if he doesn't love you, but lies to you that he loves you.
upsetnhurt Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I see nothing wrong with SadForever's attempts to communicate with her boyfriend (now ex). She was left no choice to do this by text as she mentioned that the guy does not return her phone calls! Let's not place blame on her........Sad to say yet we all would feel like she does as her ex is confusing her by his actions and she is trying so hard to find closure. SadForever, you need to step back and think about what traits you want in a partner and then see if your ex possesses them. You said it best, "action speaks louder than words" and you need to judge him on his present day actions, not the ones he exhibited in the early parts of the relationship. Something tells me you will see that he is not the right one for you. When you realize this, then you will realize that you can't control his actions and initiate the communication you want with him, which is why I believe you sent the texts. It will only push him farther away and at the same time push you farther into a depression. Be proud of who you are and what you have to offer someone and walk away from this guy. If he wants space, give it to him. Treat this as a break up and no matter how much it hurts, realize you were prepared to give it your all, he was not and he loses out in the end. To keep your sanity, as much as it hurts, no more texts, no voicemails, and no talking to him. Let him get a taste of what space really means.
Author SadForever Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Thanks to everyone who expressed an opinion to me. It was hard for me to face the warning signs in my relationship. There are so many complications to our relationship i havent mentioned, such as an age difference (he is 22 and i am 36), living across the country from each other, and his army career. Last night he said he'd call me today to talk things over. I sent him several emails last night which i dont think he's read yet. One of the emails said dont bother to call me anymore, i wouldnt want to add to your stress or put you on the spot. I thought i meant it but i dont think i do. I think i will only get closure to this heartbreak by getting some questions answered. I couldnt help texting him this morning, telling him i never meant to make him mad with my questions, i was just trying to shock him into communicating with me. He texted back, saying he plans to call me tonite after work. He was sweet and told me to try and relax today. I just wanna stop living my life in limbo. The last 6 months of my life, this entire year of 2007 so far, i have been utterly focused on him. Our first 2 months together was one of the most incredible times of my life. I really felt like he was the man of my dreams. It is so hard to let those dreams die, but i think it will be easier than living in a fantasy world of daydreams, hopes & wishes.
Author SadForever Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 I see nothing wrong with SadForever's attempts to communicate with her boyfriend (now ex). She was left no choice to do this by text as she mentioned that the guy does not return her phone calls! Let's not place blame on her........Sad to say yet we all would feel like she does as her ex is confusing her by his actions and she is trying so hard to find closure. SadForever, you need to step back and think about what traits you want in a partner and then see if your ex possesses them. You said it best, "action speaks louder than words" and you need to judge him on his present day actions, not the ones he exhibited in the early parts of the relationship. Something tells me you will see that he is not the right one for you. When you realize this, then you will realize that you can't control his actions and initiate the communication you want with him, which is why I believe you sent the texts. It will only push him farther away and at the same time push you farther into a depression. Be proud of who you are and what you have to offer someone and walk away from this guy. If he wants space, give it to him. Treat this as a break up and no matter how much it hurts, realize you were prepared to give it your all, he was not and he loses out in the end. To keep your sanity, as much as it hurts, no more texts, no voicemails, and no talking to him. Let him get a taste of what space really means. An extra thanks to you for your post, Upsetnhurt. It is just the kind of thing i would tell a friend, but it is much harder to tell yourself.
Recommended Posts