OW confronting wife...Good?

[Heroine]

THIS IS LONG!! NEED HELP

 

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I met this guy in 2005 and we dated a few times before becoming a couple. Even though we didn’t see each other that often we kept in regular contact via phone, text and email. And so it was things progressed well enough even though there was a time after I initially started seeing this guy that I found a load of female stuff in his bathroom. I confronted him on this and said that they belonged to his ex. I asked what the stuff was still doing there then if they belonged to his ex because that would indicate to me that she was still visiting him. He then cleared all the stuff away and I never saw stuff again. So things went on until 10 months and then we had a minor falling out and stop contacting each other for two months. I thought back then it was the case of both of us being stubborn and not wanting to be the first to call. I had by then developed feelings for this guy and it hurt when he didn’t contact me and so I decided to be the bigger person and contact him. Back then my initial reason for calling was for us to close this thing so that I could move on. Anyway when I finally got in contact with him he told me some cock and bull about still being in love with me which I like a fool believed then because I was in love. BUT he then also said that he felt that I had not supported him during some issue that he was having with the law and that his ex was and so he had decided to get back with her. He said that they had initially been friends and then decided to date again. He also said they had invested in properties together during the two months and that he was not in an ‘ideal situation’ at the moment. This conversation was littered with but ‘I still love you’ and ‘I would like for us to see one another to sort this out’ Of course I was devastated, extremely so. At first I refused to see him but after he contacted me a few times after that saying that he was trying to sort out stuff with this lady so he could be with me my feelings got the better of me and I agreed to meet up with him.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]So I became the other woman even though back then I thought that she was the other woman because as far as I was concerned I had met a single man in 2005 and I believed that she was not there at all. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Anyway to cut a long story short me and this man started talking about marriage, babies etc. I made it clear to him each time that he must leave this woman and he kept saying that he was sorting it out. He explained to me that this lady was ill with sarcoidoisis and on steroids and that he didn’t think that it would be moral just to walk out on her when she was down. This period between me and him was quite rocky then with me throwing tantrums saying that I did not want to see him unless he left her and came to me. He convincing me everytime that he was on the case. Sometimes when I would call I would not get a response from him until about two hours or even the next morning later and he would explain to me that she had to be rushed to hospital because she refused to take her steroids and kept passing out. He said that she was constantly in and out of hospital or at her parent’s house and hardly ever there. Anyway about a month ago he invited me to the place that he shared with this other lady. This was not the first time that I had been asked by him to come over but just the first time I had accepted. We mostly of the times met at my place or in town. There were two rooms and he told me that they had split up and that he was in the other room while she in the bigger room. We made love in the house and I spent the night. I didn’t exactly snoop but I did come across her name badge for her job which was casually lying on the coffee table. It had her full name and the company she worked for on it. When I in the office later on that day I tapped the information which I had saved to memory in google and hey presto all her details came up including her work phone number and email address. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Anyway he became a bit bold inviting me back to his place when he could. On day I spotted him washing her underwear and I asked why? He then went nuts and we quarreled. I asked when he was going to finally tell her about me and him and said that he would in his own time. The next day at the office I sent him an email again asking when he was going to tell her and I got the same response. I then told him that I knew her details and that I would contact her myself and tell her. He went beserk! Saying that I was a snoop, that he trusted me to come into this home and all I came there to do was to snoop! He called me vicious and spiteful. Somehow after that argument which resulted in me ignoring him altogether and he feeling the need to come to my office building to try and talk to me we kind of made up. But this time I was more determined than ever to make this woman know about our relationship. I felt the need to know more about the extent of their relationship to as I felt that he wasn’t telling me everything. In the following week I did however manage to find out more stuff from him about he and her. He told me that she had met his parents. Now me and this guy are from an African country and this lady is from the Caribbean. Knowing our African culture the way I do the only time a man takes a lady home to meet his parents is when he is planning on marrying her. I asked if this was the case and he reluctantly said that that was the deal back then but not now. I asked when he took her and again he was very elusive saying brusquely that it was a few years ago when I wasn’t on the scene.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Anyway things came to a head when I got totally sick and tired of this always wanting to know where I was and who I was with. I was on vacation with friends the last weekend and he was demanding to see the pics so he could see if I was with a guy or not. I was angry that he would ask me. It seemed more so that I was always angry thinking of him with this other lady most of the time that he was away from me and she not knowing a thing about what was going on.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]One morning I snapped. He sent me and email complaining about why I was not contacting him like before. I responded and blatantly asked if he was sleeping with her. He said he could not answer because he was using his work email addy. Previously he told me that he did not sleep with her because of her illness.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Anyway in response to his email I took that as a yes and called up the woman at her workplace and told her everything. She didn’t seem shocked at all in fact she asked me if I was the person that he goes to on Friday’s???? He had spent a few Friday’s with me but not all and so things began falling into place and I suspected that maybe there was another lady besides me and the one that he was living with. The woman that he was living with told me that she was engaged to be married to him, that the property they lived in was not mortaged but rented and they only owned on. She said that they had never broken up and that they had very much been a couple since 2003. She said that even though she was ill in 2005/06 she was and has never been hospitalized for her condition. She also revealed that he had previously cheated on her in 2005 but that they had worked through it. That she had met all his family and was already known as his ‘wife’ in the traditional sense according to the African culture.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Once he knew that I had told her he at first stated sending me really cool emails saying ‘Thank-you’ and that he had no more to comment on this issue. Each time I replied with ‘F-off” and I copied her in too. I then told him that I was going to sent her all the love emails and letters that he wrote to me. He then became frantic and begged me not to. Each time I copied her in when I replied. So I started sending her the emails and he started to reply with her copied in. He crazy calling me all sorts of b*tches, desperate, evil, lying etc. He abused my dead father, abused my whole family. In response to the emails that I had forwarded onto her he said that I had frabicated them all. He then sent a thread of emails that he had fabricated himself and attributed them to me. These emails supposedly from me said that I wanted him to leave her because she wasn’t from the same culture as us. That the children we produce from our union would be better of in the world because they would be closer to our country of origin. I also supposedy said that I would do anything to make sure that he does stay with her. In his fake responses he blatantly says that he does not want to be with me and that he has told me time and time again that he is in love with this woman and the she is the only one he needs in his life. And so it went. He asked me to swear on my dead father’s grave that I did not write the email’s that he had faked. He said that is the woman was foolish enough to believe all my ‘lies’ and leave him then I shouldn’t think that he would come to me because he wouldn’t if I was the last woman on earth. All the time she was copied in.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]He then sent me another email saying he would run me over when he saw me again and that he hated my guts.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I became very scared.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Later on I got a call from the lady and she said she had spoken to him and that he said I was delusional. I told her that I was not trying to score points with her and that I told her to get him of my back. In a way I knew that this would turn nasty but I never expected him to cuss me out like that. She then asked if I was the lady who called up his previous job and told them about his trouble with the law which resulted in him getting the sack. I said no. She also asked if I were the lady that messed up all his stuff which included destroying the big 50 inch flat screen TV. I said no. He was in the background when she was on the phone screaming to her to give him the phone so he could confront me. When she did I put the phone down and that was it.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]As you can imagine I feel like a BIG fool for walking into this. When he told me that he had moved in with this lady I should have taken a step back and I now feel that I let myself down terribly. What’s more I am hurting so much that I don’t feel I can do anything. Food has not passed my mouth for more than a day now and I can not sleep at all. Please help. I need all the therapeutic whatever it takes to pull my heart out of the gutter to get over this.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[whichwayisup]

To be honest, the best thing you can do now is seek one on one therapy because you allowed this guy to do a serious number on you and it's messed you up.

 

Forget him, never see/talk to him ever again. He isn't worth it...Fix yourself and the best revenge is moving on with your life!

[Kenzo]

If this isn't a wake up call to all OW, I don't know what is!! You went into this unknowingly becoming the other woman, you were a victim of this guys lies. He sounds quite dangerous and if I were you not only would I consider therapy, but also maybe going to the police and filing a report. He threatened to run you down with his car...that's good enough for me...if anything ever happens to you (God forbid) it's best the police know about his threats.

 

He is a loose cannon, you won't know when you might run into him and he may just go right off the deep end. Protect yourself, and take care of yourself, hopefully his "W" will see fit to do the same, he is unhealthy and unstable...be glad you are rid of him!!!

[Trialbyfire]

I think with situations of this nature, the reoccurring theme for selfish men is, "How could you do this to ME?". This is where you want to flatten them with a right hook to the jaw. Talk about a piece of human waste, when they blame someone they victimized for the bed they made for themselves.

 

You did the right thing by finding a way to hold him accountable for his lying. He would never have owned up to it and you would have continued falling further and further in love with him. There are enough OW on LS who remain in affair situations year after year after year, waiting for the self-entitling jerk to make good on promises he will never keep. What a waste of good years of their lives.

 

Baby, be glad you're free of his manipulations. Reminds me of the old Nancy Sinatra song:

 

These boots are made for walking,

And that's just what I'll do,

One of these days these boots are gonna' walk all over you...

[Heroine]

Thanks TrialbyFire! Your words helped and comforted me a lot.