oppath Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I'm only in Houston for another 2.5 months before returning to San Diego. Despite having gone on dates with many women in the 4.5 months since my breakup, I'm still rebounding and still healing. I've been out a few times with someone who makes me feel really good; I do enjoy spending time with her. But I have two concerns She just got out of a 2 year on and off relationship. I have a habit of ending up with women in this situation. My goal for when I am ready for a relationship is NOT to pursue any woman in this situation. I've been burned enough times. I want to change this habit, not eliminate it alltogether, but I want my next gf to be someone who has been single for a while, focusing on other parts of her life.If I weren't leaving, she's not GF material. Physically, I can do better. Beautiful face, but I'm the lithe long-distance runner type and I like more petite women. I want to feel big and able to wrap my arms around them. She's not fat, but not my type. After some indiscriminate sexual behavior with women a month or so ago I decided "no sex with someone who isn't gf material. It doesn't mean I have to be pursuing a relationship, but they should be up to my standards in the sense that I would be cool having them on my arm introducing them to friends as someone I am dating. Well, I wouldn't do that with her.She knows I am leaving town. She expressed to me she'd have no expectation of anything happening. My intent was to casually date her like I intend to with any woman I meet and I find interesting. However, a mutual friend told her that 1.5 months ago I was with two women in the same day; I was. She told me "don't be a player with me or treat me with that disrespect, ok." She's said other things too that for, 3 dates, already feel like there is too much commitment implied. If I were ready for a relationship and she was someone I'd want one with, I wouldn't care at all, but since I want to play the field, I'm bothered. Obviously, I need to tell her before things escalate: if I meet someone I find interesting, I am going to ask them out. I am kind of in a player mode right now but I don't want to lead anyone on. If you are ok with this we can continue seeing each other, but I don't want to be dishonest with you or hurt you. She's a friend of my roommates so I have to be honest with her, and sex might happen soon too. I like spending time with her; I like cuddling and affection; I like talking to her. It makes me feel good. It's honestly what I need right now. I really need it. But at the same time, I can't bring myself to the idea of seeing only one woman, even casually. It's way too early for that sort of thing anyway but I know she wouldn't be cool having me sleep over -- sex or not -- with me seeing other women. So I have to tell her. I don't know what to do. I really want to see her because of how she makes me feel, and I think it would be good for me, and she knows about some things in my life and is willing to be my rebound, or transition, essentially, but I get the feeling she'd be hurt if I were seeing other people too. Even without the potential for bf-gf...even without sex. Ultimately, I'd be using her, and she'd be using me too because she is not in an unsimilar situation, but I can't promise any kind of monogamy. Perhaps I should bite the bullet and just go for it and swear off other women, but I can't. Any thoughts other than be upfront? I wasn't expecting to have to deal with this so soon. But she's said enough things to make me deal with it. I thought the knowledge that I wasn't over my last relationship and am only in town for a few months would make discussing any kind of relationship possibility moot. I guess not. Normally I'd never bring up dating other women at all until there was an exclusivity talk but in this case, I feel she needs to know because I feel she'd be too hurt.
MissKissNada_Gal Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I'm only in Houston for another 2.5 months before returning to San Diego. Despite having gone on dates with many women in the 4.5 months since my breakup, I'm still rebounding and still healing. I've been out a few times with someone who makes me feel really good; I do enjoy spending time with her. But I have two concerns She just got out of a 2 year on and off relationship. I have a habit of ending up with women in this situation. My goal for when I am ready for a relationship is NOT to pursue any woman in this situation. I've been burned enough times. I want to change this habit, not eliminate it alltogether, but I want my next gf to be someone who has been single for a while, focusing on other parts of her life.If I weren't leaving, she's not GF material. Physically, I can do better. Beautiful face, but I'm the lithe long-distance runner type and I like more petite women. I want to feel big and able to wrap my arms around them. She's not fat, but not my type. After some indiscriminate sexual behavior with women a month or so ago I decided "no sex with someone who isn't gf material. It doesn't mean I have to be pursuing a relationship, but they should be up to my standards in the sense that I would be cool having them on my arm introducing them to friends as someone I am dating. Well, I wouldn't do that with her.She knows I am leaving town. She expressed to me she'd have no expectation of anything happening. My intent was to casually date her like I intend to with any woman I meet and I find interesting. However, a mutual friend told her that 1.5 months ago I was with two women in the same day; I was. She told me "don't be a player with me or treat me with that disrespect, ok." She's said other things too that for, 3 dates, already feel like there is too much commitment implied. If I were ready for a relationship and she was someone I'd want one with, I wouldn't care at all, but since I want to play the field, I'm bothered. Obviously, I need to tell her before things escalate: if I meet someone I find interesting, I am going to ask them out. I am kind of in a player mode right now but I don't want to lead anyone on. If you are ok with this we can continue seeing each other, but I don't want to be dishonest with you or hurt you. She's a friend of my roommates so I have to be honest with her, and sex might happen soon too. I like spending time with her; I like cuddling and affection; I like talking to her. It makes me feel good. It's honestly what I need right now. I really need it. But at the same time, I can't bring myself to the idea of seeing only one woman, even casually. It's way too early for that sort of thing anyway but I know she wouldn't be cool having me sleep over -- sex or not -- with me seeing other women. So I have to tell her. I don't know what to do. I really want to see her because of how she makes me feel, and I think it would be good for me, and she knows about some things in my life and is willing to be my rebound, or transition, essentially, but I get the feeling she'd be hurt if I were seeing other people too. Even without the potential for bf-gf...even without sex. Ultimately, I'd be using her, and she'd be using me too because she is not in an unsimilar situation, but I can't promise any kind of monogamy. Perhaps I should bite the bullet and just go for it and swear off other women, but I can't. Any thoughts other than be upfront? I wasn't expecting to have to deal with this so soon. But she's said enough things to make me deal with it. I thought the knowledge that I wasn't over my last relationship and am only in town for a few months would make discussing any kind of relationship possibility moot. I guess not. Normally I'd never bring up dating other women at all until there was an exclusivity talk but in this case, I feel she needs to know because I feel she'd be too hurt. question. whats the difference between being in a "committed relationship" with someone, and being "girlfriend-boyfriend" with someone? maybe u should ask this... hm... isnt it the same thing tho? committed relationship = boyfriend/girlfriend status i think. i think want to put this in another post. sorry, my advice to u is, if shes uncomfortable with so, dont date her and see other girls at the same time. if u dont want to be exclusive with her, and u think u mite meet someone else, spare her now, and tell her so. because honestly, many girls would feel pretty used, possibly guilty naybe even unworthy being with and dating a guy, who doesnt like her enough to want to just be with her... if he has t go around dating other girls, its kind of a slap in the face. i know if she was ur ideal woman and u wanted to be with her ud just BE WITH HER. and wouldnt be i the forum asking, so u probably dont really want her do u? u say she makes u feel good, but thats cause u just got out of a relationship, she is ur rebound until u find what u really want, and for her, (i mean if i were her) that kinde sucks!
jcster Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 You need to be honest with her - it's the least you can do. I have to say, if you like being with her, and she makes you feel good - but she doesn't look "good on your arm" and that's your criteria for not going forward with a relationship with her - then definitely, be honest - but also know that you're the one losing out. I think your priorities are pretty wacked.
Author oppath Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Yeah, my priorities are whacked. I admit it. I don't want a relationship, period. I'm not going to let anyone in. Most of the women I've dated in the past have always told me that I was the best looking guy they've ever dated. I never really had the esteem or confidence to go for people at my level of physical attraction. One of my goals since my breakup was to obtain enough confidence to realize I am a good looking guy and don't have to settle for someone who will have me. It's not about someone looking good on my arm, it's about me not settling for someone who will have me just so I can feel good and not lonely. It's not about a trophy girlfriend. And my priorities aren't out of whack for wanting to date someone my friends say "she's cute." If they would say, to my face or behind my back, "you could do better," it means I can do better. Quite honestly I'm tired of being the best looking guy a girl has ever dated because I always end up feeling like a piece of meat. Whether they dump me or I dump them, inevitably they have to bring up how attracted to me they are, and it pisses me off. And ultimately, yes, she makes me feel good about myself. BUT, that is because my self esteem is low right now. That alone is a reason not to get involved with someone. That is why I'm posting...despite the fact that being with her will raise my self esteem, really, I can't use someone in that way. I need to do it on my own.
Walk Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Most of the women I've dated in the past have always told me that I was the best looking guy they've ever dated. I never really had the esteem or confidence to go for people at my level of physical attraction. One of my goals since my breakup was to obtain enough confidence to realize I am a good looking guy and don't have to settle for someone who will have me. It's not about someone looking good on my arm, it's about me not settling for someone who will have me just so I can feel good and not lonely. It's not about a trophy girlfriend. And my priorities aren't out of whack for wanting to date someone my friends say "she's cute." If they would say, to my face or behind my back, "you could do better," it means I can do better. I would suggest that you start dating the "hotties" you're dying to date. If you don't do this now, then no matter who you have on your arm later, you'll always regret not trying for the hotter women. If you don't do this you'll end up dissatisfied with anyone else you end up with, no matter how great that woman really is... By dating this woman who isn't up to par, then you've attained a level of comfort which prevents you from pushing yourself out-side of your comfort zone. You're still convinced you aren't worthy, so you use this woman as a floatation device in a sea of potential rejection. If you want to swim with the big dogs, then swim... stop using the little kids arm floaties. And ultimately, yes, she makes me feel good about myself. BUT, that is because my self esteem is low right now. That alone is a reason not to get involved with someone. That is why I'm posting...despite the fact that being with her will raise my self esteem, really, I can't use someone in that way. I need to do it on my own. You already know the answer. In my experience, it takes being alone to confront the fears and misconceptions we have about ourselves. Any time I've been "using" a guy to replace the lonlieness I've felt, I've found I use it as a way to shift focus from *me* and what I want to an outside source of dissatisfaction... As long as that guy is there, then I don't have to do anything about my life. I don't have to change, or grow, or push myself to be who I really want to be in life. Its safe just the way it is. It's the times that I've forced myself to be alone, to confront what I really want in life and push myself to overcome my fears, that I actually accomplish what I really wanted in the first place.. Side note... Seems to me the woman you're seeing wants you to "commit" because her ex was unable to commit long term to her. (on again, off again). She wants security, and you can't provide that. She believes you're being distant because you were hurt in the past, and that once that hurt heals then you'll commit to her. You are furthering that dillusion by continuing to cuddle with her, and play "boyfriend" for the time being. You can't give her what she wants so Please.. let her go. Humanely and with compassion. But allow her to find someone who can be what she needs. Just as you don't want her to stop you from finding what you need, your cuddles and hugs stop her from finding what she really needs. Let her go.
Author oppath Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 I agree, Walk. She sees me as a safe bet; even though I am leaving town and a relationship is not possible, she KNOWS this, I'm willing to bet she sees me as a safe guy, someone who wouldn't hurt her like her ex. She claims to be over him but no way!!! She'd be using me as much as I'd be using her. And it's not about the big dogs as in super-attractive women. I have a body type, SMALLER THAN ME. I'm the 5'11" 160 cardio athlete type and I like girls who look like runners/athletes. If that is who I am attracted to, there is no reason to date someone differently. I agree, I need to let her go, for her sake, as much as mine.
Walk Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 She'd be using me as much as I'd be using her. Yeah, but she probably hopes in the back of her mind that you are going to realize that you want her, and you'll continue to develop the relationship. She's holding on to a lot of false hope. You already know she can pretend a relationship is good for 3 years while some guy ping pongs on what he really wants. She's a sucker for men like you... guys that don't really want her, but show her affection. (That isn't a slam against you, but she is a sucker for men who exhibit the behavior you're showing) And it's not about the big dogs as in super-attractive women. I have a body type, SMALLER THAN ME. I'm the 5'11" 160 cardio athlete type and I like girls who look like runners/athletes. If that is who I am attracted to, there is no reason to date someone differently. I'm not judging you for wanting someone who has a specific body type. You made it sound as though you were setting your sights high regarding female beauty (see quotes below). I still don't see anything wrong with even doing that, as long as you aren't making someone else feel bad about themselves because they don't measure up to what you want. I don't think you'd do that intentionally though. (woman) told me that I was the best looking guy they've ever dated I'm tired of being the best looking guy a girl has ever dated because I always end up feeling like a piece of meat. So, when are you going to tell this woman you're dating that you can't see her anymore? And how are you going to do it?
Author oppath Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 I'm going to see her tomorrow night. I'm going to tell her that I enjoy spending time with her and have a lot of fun, but I'm only in town for a few more months, and I'm still healing from my ex, and that I feel I am rebounding, and I don't want to do that with her, because I respect her and it would be nice to maintain a friendship during my time here. Not sure what to say, there is no perfect thing to say. As for the attractiveness issue...someone pointed out to me that it took me a long time to come to terms with me being an attractive person, and I'm still not there yet, and that with my self esteem low, I probably want someone to validate me (i.e. hot girls). In reality, the middle ground is the way to go. But yeah, it has bothered me...I feel I have been used because of my looks in my past. I guess I feel a more attractive woman would be more into ME, but that's an irrational thought too.
jcster Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 And my priorities aren't out of whack for wanting to date someone my friends say "she's cute." If they would say, to my face or behind my back, "you could do better," it means I can do better. I don't think your priorities are out of whack for wanting to date an attractive person. Your priorities are whacked because you judge attractiveness based upon the reactions of your friends. Dating is not a dog show - you don't get points based on what other people think of your date. I feel really sorry for the person you are dating right now...and the next person you date...and the next.
Author oppath Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Ouch. I understand your point, but I think you are misinterpreting what I'm talking about. I'm on here because I realize that dating someone who doesn't measure up to my standards is wrong, and that it would be wrong for me to use her, even if she's cool with no relationship, because she's not up to my standards. This doesn't make me a bad guy at all, in fact, I'm making the decision that it is best to end it NOW so I'm not one of those guys. Few guys in my situation would end it. They'd sleep with her while going after other girls just for the hell of it. This is something I decided NOT to do. I don't want a trophy, but I don't want to choose someone who will be with me just to not be lonely or to heal. So yes, I want my friends to be able t say "she's cute, good for you." I want that, because that means I chose someone for the right reasons, not to be with someone just to be with someone. Yes, I want someone I'm attracted to. I don't want to date someone just to date someone. She is not my normal type, I'm not wildly attracted to her, so therefore, I couldn't get into a relationship with her. I am a guy, I could have a FWB situation with her, but I'm not going to do that because (1) I don't want to lead her on and (2) I made the decision, no sex with someone who isn't gf material even if I'm not looking for a relationship. I have a specific body type -- one that says "I can run 5 miles with you tommorrow (maybe slow) and hike 10 miles the next day, let's go." I need this in a woman I date seriously. It's not the overall physical attraction, it's the energy and lifestyle it projects.
Hitman10000 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Depends on the person's personality. For some they will be hurt and not want to date anyone for a long while and for others like myself I'm ready for a new girlfriend the next day or at least a couple days. You got ONE life to live buddy, you could be on the Iraq battlefield or some third world country and you'd get killed in an instance. Life is very precious to wait. Another thing since I seem to be one of the wise ones on Loveshack and Online is that if you're gonna marry someone, You marry for CHILDREN. There's no other reason to marry. I don't care if someone makes up another rational explanation, CHILDREN is the only reason for marriage.
Hitman10000 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Oppath, I agree with you with finding someone you find attractive. Don't listen to Jcster. Let's see if Jcster would want to look for some wheelchair burn victim for years and years. Remember, I'm an Assassin that means I think realistically with practical solutions. I know what I'm talking about.
Walk Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Another thing since I seem to be one of the wise ones on Loveshack and Online is that if you're gonna Self-appointed to the role? And not just LS, but the ENTIRE Internet?? Wow! I'm always wary of the self-proclaimed experts. Ego tends to outweigh knowledge.
underpants Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Didn't you recently post about being so offended when someone wanted to be a FWB with you? I ask then, why would you entertain the notion of putting someone else in that position? I see you struggling to 'want' to do the right thing, to figure out what you want and achieve it. If you are not sure then you are simply not ready. I would suggest you try to evaluate what you truly desire in a partner, and why. Are you attracted to 'unavailable' types? If a girl is into to you, or really likes you, does that make her less attractive? Could this be more of an issue with you then with her physical beauty, i.e. looking for reasons to sabotage a relationship once you have conquered her heart? Seeking out reasons it can't work instead of reasons it could, fulfilling a loner prophecy, over and over through a pattern? Perhaps you should be alone for a while to answer some of these questions. This could enable you to not only make better choices in potential partners, but, to be able to be a better partner to someone in the future. Kind regards, Unders
polywog Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I agree with under's point that it may be better just to be alone for a while to heal, and want to add that it's best not involve another person. The only times, a long time ago, that conciously dated to get over a guy it was disasterous. I was upfront with the guys I dated about my feelings of not being over an ex, but they hung in there anyway and ended up suffering hearbreak for it. I ended up feeling awful because they wanted more than I was able to give them, and they were great guys... the timing was just wrong. I've had several chances to date guys since my ex broke up with me 5 months ago, but I just can't do it. I'm falling out of love still, for one thing, and I am too vulnerable to get involved with someone else, even FWB (which I did briefly).
jcster Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Yes, I want someone I'm attracted to. I don't want to date someone just to date someone. She is not my normal type, I'm not wildly attracted to her, so therefore, I couldn't get into a relationship with her. I am a guy, I could have a FWB situation with her, but I'm not going to do that because (1) I don't want to lead her on and (2) I made the decision, no sex with someone who isn't gf material even if I'm not looking for a relationship. I think you know what you need to do then. There's nothing wrong with being honest with yourself and realizing what your criteria for dating someone is. Good for you that you aren't willing to fall into the trap of dating someone that you know isn't going to work for the long haul, just to have someone around.
Author oppath Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Yes, I do know what I need to do. I needed people to talk me out of being one of those jerk guys that will play a girl just for sex and affection. I don't want to do that to someone. One of my goals was to become more confident at taking risks with women and connecting better with them, not necessarily romantically (most of my friends are female so I do know how to do this), especially women I am attracted to. Too often I have dated girls and my friends have questioned my decision, and I reply "well she's really really cute" and they typically say "dude, you sell yourself so short. You have no idea how good looking you are and you always date girls below you." Plus, I have a pattern of dating women JUST out of relationships, i.e WEEKS! I'm at months and I am not fully healed. I want to AVOID these women. to summarize: I want to be alone, but I do want to date. I want to go to dinners and explore the city, and I'd like to do these things in the company of a woman. I do not want a relationship, and I do not want to lead a woman on or manipulate her into sex, or sleep with her even if she says she's cool with me for sure leaving when I can tell she'd entertain the idea of more. I do not want to do those things to someone. What I want to do is take social risks and ask out attractive women should they cross my path. I want to date. I want to take social risks. This doesn't' have to involve date dates, it can be just hanging out with a girl I just met, but bottom line is NO RELATIONSHIPS. I want to be on my own.
polywog Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Yes, I do know what I need to do. I needed people to talk me out of being one of those jerk guys that will play a girl just for sex and affection. I don't want to do that to someone. One of my goals was to become more confident at taking risks with women and connecting better with them, not necessarily romantically (most of my friends are female so I do know how to do this), especially women I am attracted to. Too often I have dated girls and my friends have questioned my decision, and I reply "well she's really really cute" and they typically say "dude, you sell yourself so short. You have no idea how good looking you are and you always date girls below you." Plus, I have a pattern of dating women JUST out of relationships, i.e WEEKS! I'm at months and I am not fully healed. I want to AVOID these women. to summarize: I want to be alone, but I do want to date. I want to go to dinners and explore the city, and I'd like to do these things in the company of a woman. I do not want a relationship, and I do not want to lead a woman on or manipulate her into sex, or sleep with her even if she says she's cool with me for sure leaving when I can tell she'd entertain the idea of more. I do not want to do those things to someone. What I want to do is take social risks and ask out attractive women should they cross my path. I want to date. I want to take social risks. This doesn't' have to involve date dates, it can be just hanging out with a girl I just met, but bottom line is NO RELATIONSHIPS. I want to be on my own. oppath, with all due respect, I think you analize this stuff too much :!
Author oppath Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 HAHAHA. Yes, I do overanalyze. I don't know how to not do that! If you could show me how, I'd pay BIG TIME money. Problem solving is great for problem solving, not much else.
SouthernT Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Yes, I do know what I need to do. I needed people to talk me out of being one of those jerk guys that will play a girl just for sex and affection. I don't want to do that to someone. One of my goals was to become more confident at taking risks with women and connecting better with them, not necessarily romantically (most of my friends are female so I do know how to do this), especially women I am attracted to. Too often I have dated girls and my friends have questioned my decision, and I reply "well she's really really cute" and they typically say "dude, you sell yourself so short. You have no idea how good looking you are and you always date girls below you." Plus, I have a pattern of dating women JUST out of relationships, i.e WEEKS! I'm at months and I am not fully healed. I want to AVOID these women. to summarize: I want to be alone, but I do want to date. I want to go to dinners and explore the city, and I'd like to do these things in the company of a woman. I do not want a relationship, and I do not want to lead a woman on or manipulate her into sex, or sleep with her even if she says she's cool with me for sure leaving when I can tell she'd entertain the idea of more. I do not want to do those things to someone. What I want to do is take social risks and ask out attractive women should they cross my path. I want to date. I want to take social risks. This doesn't' have to involve date dates, it can be just hanging out with a girl I just met, but bottom line is NO RELATIONSHIPS. I want to be on my own. Everything you want to do is fine. I don't blaim guys that are in this type of mode. The most important thing is that men are honest with themselves, which you seem to be. Being honest with yourself allows you to better communicate your wants and needs to other people. But the catch is, the only way you are going to be able to do all of these things (social risk) is if you DONT have sex with any of the women. That is the only way a woman is not going to get emotionaly involved with you to a point to where she could walk away from the situation in one piece. And some of it is going to depend on the age group as well and where these women are at in their lives right now. The mistake that some guys make, and it was already mentioned in this thread, is that a guy will communicate that he's not looking for a relationship but will still continue to do relationship type things. (sex/affection) And a woman will hold on to this type of attention for dear life. I know, because I've been that woman. But now I'm smart enough to walk away when a guy is offering sex/affection and nothing more. So part of it your duty to be upfront BUT IT IS ALSO that woman's duty to recognize and believe a man when he is saying that he doesnt want a relationship. At least you told her upfront and that gives her the option to stay or go. Sadly, some will stay with the hopes that you will change your mind and it sounds like this woman would do just that. So maybe try to work on gaging a woman's emotional ability to have sex with you first.
SouthernT Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Yes, I do know what I need to do. I needed people to talk me out of being one of those jerk guys that will play a girl just for sex and affection. I don't want to do that to someone. One of my goals was to become more confident at taking risks with women and connecting better with them, not necessarily romantically (most of my friends are female so I do know how to do this), especially women I am attracted to. Too often I have dated girls and my friends have questioned my decision, and I reply "well she's really really cute" and they typically say "dude, you sell yourself so short. You have no idea how good looking you are and you always date girls below you." Plus, I have a pattern of dating women JUST out of relationships, i.e WEEKS! I'm at months and I am not fully healed. I want to AVOID these women. to summarize: I want to be alone, but I do want to date. I want to go to dinners and explore the city, and I'd like to do these things in the company of a woman. I do not want a relationship, and I do not want to lead a woman on or manipulate her into sex, or sleep with her even if she says she's cool with me for sure leaving when I can tell she'd entertain the idea of more. I do not want to do those things to someone. What I want to do is take social risks and ask out attractive women should they cross my path. I want to date. I want to take social risks. This doesn't' have to involve date dates, it can be just hanging out with a girl I just met, but bottom line is NO RELATIONSHIPS. I want to be on my own. I don't know if you've talked to her already or not but..... Everything you want to do is fine. I don't blaim guys that are in this type of mode. The most important thing is that men are honest with themselves, which you seem to be. Being honest with yourself allows you to better communicate your wants and needs to other people. But the catch is, the only way you are going to be able to do all of these things (social risk) is if you DONT have sex with any of the women. That is the only way a woman is not going to get emotionaly involved with you to a point to where she could walk away from the situation in one piece. And some of it is going to depend on the age group as well and where these women are at in their lives right now. The mistake that some guys make, and it was already mentioned in this thread, is that a guy will communicate that he's not looking for a relationship but will still continue to do relationship type things. (sex/affection) And a woman will hold on to this type of attention for dear life. I know, because I've been that woman. But now I'm smart enough to walk away when a guy is offering sex/affection and nothing more. So part of it your duty to be upfront BUT IT IS ALSO that woman's duty to recognize and believe a man when he is saying that he doesnt want a relationship. At least you told her upfront and that gives her the option to stay or go. Sadly, some will stay with the hopes that you will change your mind and it sounds like this woman would do just that. So maybe try to work on gaging a woman's emotional ability to have sex with you first.
SouthernT Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 I made the decision, no sex with someone who isn't gf material even if I'm not looking for a relationship. What is your point is wanting this if you don't want a relatioship period? Why should it matter if she is girlfriend material or not if you don't want a girlfriend and you are just looking to expand your "social" life? Having stipulations such as some of the ones that you have mentioned will keep you from having a healthy social life in which you can meet all types of people and increase your changes of networking. So which one are you going to concentrate on? Dating women that are girlfriend material(which you dont want anyhow) or taking social risk with no limitations to a person's appearance?
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