NearlyThere Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 What is worth for falling in love with a MM/MW?:confused: When they are 1. Irresponsible 2. cheating, dishonest 3. only care about themselves, and sex organs 4. spiritual almost dead 5. non integrity 6. use others for sex, but make you feel you are more special than his wife, because "you make him grow":eek: (grow in lust) 7. lying, and CAN genuinly face themselves when they were lying 8. only believe in "chemistry", never think about "spiritual" 9. only think about "own happiness" You can justify their behaviour if you want, this is how I see them, very little. These qualities you have quoted can be found in any man/woman regardless of whether they are single, married or a married person who is cheating. As to number 6, well as has been said on here many times the A's are not primarily about sex.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I just find these posts interesting in it is supposed to be an eye-opener for the OW to see that the MM is a selfish jerk... But why doesn't the BS/W get the same eye-opener? Wouldn't it be even worse to be married to the MM/MW that isn't so good?
pricillia Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 These qualities you have quoted can be found in any man/woman regardless of whether they are single, married or a married person who is cheating. As to number 6, well as has been said on here many times the A's are not primarily about sex. This is true... LB has not had an experience such as this and to try to understand is good, however until you experience a relationship such and this and live and learn then one will never understand.
Impudent Oyster Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 The MMs I am seeing are amazing fathers... Are you saying you're sleeping with more than one MM? Are you a professional?
Babybird Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Are you saying you're sleeping with more than one MM? Are you a professional? LOL. I think, IO, that when one is so open with their sexuality and their blatant honesty about seeking out MM so their isn't an attachment that it wouldn't be a problem to have more than one sexual partner at a time. JMO.
Babybird Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 On the flip side we all know that most MM are still sleeping with their W so why should it be any different for the mistress to sleep with more than one man? We know that you won't cheat so obviously each individual has different moral and values. Some agree and some don't.
Author lonelybird Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 I just find these posts interesting in it is supposed to be an eye-opener for the OW to see that the MM is a selfish jerk... But why doesn't the BS/W get the same eye-opener? Wouldn't it be even worse to be married to the MM/MW that isn't so good? That's why FORGIVENESS needed, we are human beings, and on the process to grow. That is wife or husband' job now: forgive and move forward, rebuild their marriage, grow to be a bigger person.
sadbuttrue Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 i am sorry, but i still dont see why the BS want these MM/MW back so much after all this pain and destructive behavior they cause the families they love so much that you all have been talking about. the OW already know these things the MM are doing, the BS are the ones that need to become aware of the MM true nature.
reef man Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 But even if you and all the BS out there only see the bad side of the MM, there is always 'two sides'... why are they going elsewhere? This is how I see mine: Normal, respectful human beings You're kidding right? MM who cheat on their wives are anything but respectful Good fathers ya, sure. And they are disrespecting the very person that brought them into this world. Someone here said it and it is dead on: when you cheat on your spouse, you cheat on your kids. Caring about their family Ya, they care so much for the family. They care for the mother by sleeping with another woman, and they care about their kids to risk their happy home and instead of being home with the family, they are in bed with the OW. Don't only think about themselves... they will do everything to please me. This statement is utterly pathetic.
Melovator Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 i am sorry, but i still dont see why the BS want these MM/MW back so much after all this pain and destructive behavior they cause the families they love so much that you all have been talking about. the OW already know these things the MM are doing, the BS are the ones that need to become aware of the MM true nature. So am aware- I'm aware that he's probably sleeping with her right now, I'm also aware that I'm going to be sleeping with him tommorrow night, that he hasn't moved his clothes out, he still calls me to tell me about his work, that he hasn't cut off the credit cards, that he's not really fit to be in a relationship right now because he's not right with himself, that he's always been my friend , he's the father of my child, that she's playing emotional games and I'm playing it cool when I'm the one with all the big guns, and that an affair shouldn't define who he is, not should it define who I am. When you share a life together you don't expect it to be all chocolate and lollipops. I don't know if at the end of all of this we'll be together but I'm actually pretty sure that he and the OW won't be and at the very least he and I will still be friends, and probably lovers.
Author lonelybird Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 So am aware- I'm aware that he's probably sleeping with her right now, I'm also aware that I'm going to be sleeping with him tommorrow night, that he hasn't moved his clothes out, he still calls me to tell me about his work, that he hasn't cut off the credit cards, that he's not really fit to be in a relationship right now because he's not right with himself, that he's always been my friend , he's the father of my child, that she's playing emotional games and I'm playing it cool when I'm the one with all the big guns, and that an affair shouldn't define who he is, not should it define who I am. When you share a life together you don't expect it to be all chocolate and lollipops. I don't know if at the end of all of this we'll be together but I'm actually pretty sure that he and the OW won't be and at the very least he and I will still be friends, and probably lovers. He doesn't know how precious you are. I pray everything will be ok for you:love:
Melovator Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 No I don't think he does know, but right now he doesn't know anything, that's all I get 'I don't know, I don't know'. I've told him to see a psychologist, that the thing that is doing his head in partly is that this other woman is baby crazy (and has gyno probs) and he knows that if he ends up with her the first thing she is going to want is another baby when having a baby in the first place was what seemed to trigger this whole identity crisis off. He says I'm right but has made no effort to see anyone, so all I can do is let him know I'm here if he need to talk, but I'm not holding onto the idea of him and I all happily back together. Not that I'm all ncie, she doesn't know that he and I are still sleeping together (what does he think he spends half the week here for?) and I've decided that that's her problem (despite some reservations I had) as he's not given me any indication at all that he's actually going to move in with her, until then...
Author lonelybird Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 No I don't think he does know, but right now he doesn't know anything, that's all I get 'I don't know, I don't know'. I've told him to see a psychologist, that the thing that is doing his head in partly is that this other woman is baby crazy (and has gyno probs) and he knows that if he ends up with her the first thing she is going to want is another baby when having a baby in the first place was what seemed to trigger this whole identity crisis off. He says I'm right but has made no effort to see anyone, so all I can do is let him know I'm here if he need to talk, but I'm not holding onto the idea of him and I all happily back together. Not that I'm all ncie, she doesn't know that he and I are still sleeping together (what does he think he spends half the week here for?) and I've decided that that's her problem (despite some reservations I had) as he's not given me any indication at all that he's actually going to move in with her, until then... I don't know how you can do this. you don't resent him?
Melovator Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 No I'm sad for him because at the end of the day I might have to live with the result of his choices but he has to live with the fact that he made them. He's said to me "I don't understand why you aren't throwing more s**t at me" and I said "Because what's the point in throwing another handful when you're drowning in it?" and then said something along the lines of the OW was giving him grief. (This was a while ago now- since then we've had an incident where I smacked himw ith my handbag while he was driving- stupid I know, I hate doing that sort of thing, I don't want to do anything that amkes me ashamed of myself.) And years down the track he'll be the one who has to explain to our son- though he'll have been given the list of things not to say (ie the list of what my father and stepmother said to me).
herenow Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 I just find these posts interesting in it is supposed to be an eye-opener for the OW to see that the MM is a selfish jerk... But why doesn't the BS/W get the same eye-opener? Wouldn't it be even worse to be married to the MM/MW that isn't so good? Good question. One that I have answered many times. Yes, an affair is an eye opener to the BS. In my case, my eyes were open to the fact that my marriage needed help. We were both at fault, but my H made the wrong choice and had an affair. The OW had nothing to do with the problems, she was just a quick fix and an escape from reality for my H. In the beginning, I hated the OW, now that I have been able to deal with the real issues, I realize she is irrelevant. So, yes, it was a eye opener. One that forced us to look deep inside ourselves and fix the problems at the core of our marriage. It was also an eye opener for my H and he was able to fix what was missing within himself, which was the real reason that he had an affair.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 they would never ever to anything to hurt them on purpose. They are extremely discreet and careful. I'm not sure I understand this statement. Are you saying that the hurt isn't intentional because they don't expect them to find out? If they are extremely discreet and careful then they are purposefully NOT hurting their spouse. If by some reason the spouse finds out then the hurt is accidental because the spouse wasn't intended to find out? I don't agree with most of your views on this matter but atleast you don't generally contradict yourself,generally present the same views and ideas, and don't bounce around. I'm really stretching to understand this view. If I make a promise to you which I discreetly break so that you do not find out, have I still not broken a promise to you... purposefully?
Babybird Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 they would never ever to anything to hurt them on purpose. They are extremely discreet and careful. I'm not sure I understand this statement. Are you saying that the hurt isn't intentional because they don't expect them to find out? If they are extremely discreet and careful then they are purposefully NOT hurting their spouse. If by some reason the spouse finds out then the hurt is accidental because the spouse wasn't intended to find out? I can make sense out of this statement for one reason: Because they are discreet and careful isn't that trying to protect the other person from the hurt? I mean they could be obvious and be discovered on purpose and that is intentional pain towards the spouse. It is a justification on the OW/OM's part but even if one has an A and knows if they are discovered it will cause hurt and pain to all involved the A isn't started with malicious intent. It like Herenow said, they had to look deep within themselves and to the core of the M to find the problem. It was a quick fix and wasn't necessarily meant to hurt the BS but to help themselves find either sex or happiness.
Author lonelybird Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 Okay, apologize to cheating MM/MW, I was a bit too harsh maybe But you are still walking in flesh, and hurt people, and irresponsibility, and immature. Wish you grow up, not only consider self ego and selfish needs, but also consider other people including wife/husband and children, and also OW/OM
Author lonelybird Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 Affair will bring guilty and deep pain, is it worth in the end of the day? or conscience was broken already? When we do something wrong, even we don't want to confront them and ignore and justify them, the pain is there, deep down it is there. Have you wondered why wake up morning the unexplainable pain in your chest? the irritable feeling won't go away even you try to brush them away? Is it worth just for a short time of *selfish happiness*? Is it worth for exchanging peace in heart for a moment of lust? Where does our conscience come from? God wrote his living laws on our hearts. As long as we do things against them, we can feel this large and irremovable pain, like we can fall into the abyss of pain. This feeling was far long ago as I remember. Please make peace with God and sin no more. When you are in peace with God, it is really a blessing. Like heaven in earth:love:. Every morning when you wake up, you feel satisfied, feel loved, feel peace, feel no guilty. feel like a baby sleeping in mom's arms. Lord said that he will provide living spring in our heart, we will never thirsty. it is so abundant that overflow. Praise God
scaredinlove Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Affair will bring guilty and deep pain, is it worth in the end of the day? or conscience was broken already? When we do something wrong, even we don't want to confront them and ignore and justify them, the pain is there, deep down it is there. Have you wondered why wake up morning the unexplainable pain in your chest? the irritable feeling won't go away even you try to brush them away? Is it worth just for a short time of *selfish happiness*? Is it worth for exchanging peace in heart for a moment of lust? Where does our conscience come from? God wrote his living laws on our hearts. As long as we do things against them, we can feel this large and irremovable pain, like we can fall into the abyss of pain. This feeling was far long ago as I remember. Please make peace with God and sin no more. When you are in peace with God, it is really a blessing. Like heaven in earth:love:. Every morning when you wake up, you feel satisfied, feel loved, feel peace, feel no guilty. feel like a baby sleeping in mom's arms. Lord said that he will provide living spring in our heart, we will never thirsty. it is so abundant that overflow. Praise God A friend of mine told me that marriages are the work of the devil, and I am beggining to believe she is right! I don't regret my affair, I don't regret cheating on my exH. I think my affair helped leave a imposible situation. I will sure never marry again. MM filled the void I had in my live for many many years and gave strengh to change. And in the morning i feel fresh and happy because I am free and in love. That's how the excheater and actual OW feels
TogetherForever Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 First, I don't fall in love with them... because I know what most of them want.... sex... I agree with you that they are dishonest and selfish... but I disagree with #6. I find it silly that people always see the man as using the woman when in fact I am using them a lot more than they are using me.... LOL But even if you and all the BS out there only see the bad side of the MM, there is always 'two sides'... why are they going elsewhere? This is how I see mine: Normal, respectful human beings Good fathers Caring about their family Don't only think about themselves... they will do everything to please me. Ditto - Amen - Praise the Lord!!!!
Babybird Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Affair will bring guilty and deep pain, is it worth in the end of the day? or conscience was broken already? When we do something wrong, even we don't want to confront them and ignore and justify them, the pain is there, deep down it is there. Have you wondered why wake up morning the unexplainable pain in your chest? the irritable feeling won't go away even you try to brush them away? Is it worth just for a short time of *selfish happiness*? Is it worth for exchanging peace in heart for a moment of lust? Where does our conscience come from? God wrote his living laws on our hearts. As long as we do things against them, we can feel this large and irremovable pain, like we can fall into the abyss of pain. This feeling was far long ago as I remember. Please make peace with God and sin no more. When you are in peace with God, it is really a blessing. Like heaven in earth:love:. Every morning when you wake up, you feel satisfied, feel loved, feel peace, feel no guilty. feel like a baby sleeping in mom's arms. Lord said that he will provide living spring in our heart, we will never thirsty. it is so abundant that overflow. Praise God Very inspirational, but not everyone believes in god or his living laws.
frannie Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 What is worth for falling in love with a MM/MW?:confused: When they are 1. Irresponsible 2. cheating, dishonest 3. only care about themselves, and sex organs 4. spiritual almost dead 5. non integrity 6. use others for sex, but make you feel you are more special than his wife, because "you make him grow":eek: (grow in lust) 7. lying, and CAN genuinly face themselves when they were lying 8. only believe in "chemistry", never think about "spiritual" 9. only think about "own happiness" You can justify their behaviour if you want, this is how I see them, very little. Well affairs happen because people don't usually go around damning others with such lists of 'truths' (that will set us all free, apparently). Most people having affairs are just your average people, messing up, and doing something crappy because the world isn't made of pink plastecine. When you look at the figures that HAS to be the case. The Majority of married people have affairs... stands to reason that if you're going to condemn all of those, you're condemning the majority of people. Cheaters aren't something 'out of the ordinary'... far from it.
overandout Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Well affairs happen because people don't usually go around damning others with such lists of 'truths' (that will set us all free, apparently). Most people having affairs are just your average people, messing up, and doing something crappy because the world isn't made of pink plastecine. When you look at the figures that HAS to be the case. The Majority of married people have affairs... stands to reason that if you're going to condemn all of those, you're condemning the majority of people. Cheaters aren't something 'out of the ordinary'... far from it. AND the majority of people that love their OP actually do leave their spouses. So now you are justifying your position by saying that most mm are sleeping around. Well if they have a stupid OW who is willing to carry on being used when they announce they aren't leaving their wife, of course they will carry on. I note that you haven't responded to the majority view on your own thread. Hmm, I wonder why not... Sometimes pennies take a long time to drop....
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Here's a big bottle of chill pills. Everyone, pop a few and settle down. LB, if people want to allow themselves to be used, of course they'll stay in an affair. This applies to both the OW/OM and the KNOWING Betrayed Spouses who don't do anything about it. Betrayed spouses, if you roll-over and take it, you get what you ask for. Pick yourselves up and fight back, whether it's to save your marriages or do some serious traumatic damage. Too many people don't fight back, so the MM/MW continues to be empowered and ego-stroked. Turning the other cheek is something the Bible may have taught but you know what?, in an affair situation, screw it. No consequences to actions, no learned experience. Look to Pavlov's "conditional reflexes"... As for the MM/MW who do it. Karma always comes back and when she does, ooooh lawdy, it can be quite painful.
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