Author SouthernT Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Sexually confident woman is able to "obtain" high quality man and stick with him. She doesnt need to compensate her inferiority complexes with lots of attention from men of questionable quality or go through dozens of men before she knows what she wants. Slvt - fornicating (often) with men of questionable quality. Couldnt have said it better myself!
che_jesse Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 You know I've had that same conversation with several friends, at first they always go in circles telling you how sexually confident they are and all that bs. Three of them didn't have the same "confidence" they day they told me they had HIV. Not one of them is proud of their former slutty selves these days. Pretend you are as sexually "free" as you want if that's what you want to call it but the day you pick up the HIV from some random partner don't bitch about it. Its stupid and its dangerous. These are the same girls that go to parties/clubs alone, drink until they pass out, then cry when they get drunk raped. If someone does not have the common sense and self respect to take responsibility for even their own personal safety then its pointless of them to demand the same from anyone else. To me this is the difference between sexually confident and slut. One can demand respect back from her partners and the other cannot.
sb129 Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 You know I've had that same conversation with several friends, at first they always go in circles telling you how sexually confident they are and all that bs. Three of them didn't have the same "confidence" they day they told me they had HIV. Not one of them is proud of their former slutty selves these days. Pretend you are as sexually "free" as you want if that's what you want to call it but the day you pick up the HIV from some random partner don't bitch about it. Its stupid and its dangerous. These are the same girls that go to parties/clubs alone, drink until they pass out, then cry when they get drunk raped. If someone does not have the common sense and self respect to take responsibility for even their own personal safety then its pointless of them to demand the same from anyone else. To me this is the difference between sexually confident and slut. One can demand respect back from her partners and the other cannot. Yeah, I am sure they wanted to get HIV. Aren't the people who gave it to them just as much to blame for sleeping around while infected? What an unsympathetic attitude you have towards your friends. While I agree that getting that drunk is irresponsible, as is having unprotected sex with multiple partners that is still NO excuse for "drunk rape". You don't know the background as to why some people do go out and get drunk/ sleep around. Alot of the time its down to deep rooted psychological issues.
che_jesse Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Yeah, I am sure they wanted to get HIV. Aren't the people who gave it to them just as much to blame for sleeping around while infected? Yes. But if you walk around the creepy dark alley in the middle of the night and get mugged your still an idiot. What an unsympathetic attitude you have towards your friends. Each of them will gladly tell you what a stupid hooker she was in her youth and how much she regrets it. One of them works educating kids about what is responsible sexual behavior. While I agree that getting that drunk is irresponsible, as is having unprotected sex with multiple partners that is still NO excuse for "drunk rape". You don't know the background as to why some people do go out and get drunk/ sleep around. Alot of the time its down to deep rooted psychological issues. What the hell does any soft of psychological issue have to do with ignoring reality? If you wander around the ghetto in the middle of the night you will probably get mugged. If you drink until you pass out in a club you have never been to you will probably get raped. If you screw everyone you meet you will probably catch something. Whoever mugged/raped/infected you is a criminal and their guilt is not diminished in the least but that does not change that you are the one that put yourself in that situation.
Trialbyfire Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Alot of the time its down to deep rooted psychological issues. You have to want to change yourself, no matter how deep rooted those psychological issues are. Living the life of the walking wounded is not a good place to be.
sb129 Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 You have to want to change yourself, no matter how deep rooted those psychological issues are. Living the life of the walking wounded is not a good place to be. No, I completely agree. But many people sadly don't change until its too late, or they get a dreadful wake up call that MAKES them change. Like Che Jesses friends. What the hell does any soft of psychological issue have to do with ignoring reality? If you wander around the ghetto in the middle of the night you will probably get mugged. If you drink until you pass out in a club you have never been to you will probably get raped. If you screw everyone you meet you will probably catch something. Because some people who have psychological issues that may predispose them to DOING those kind of things ARE ignoring reality. Obviously. Whoever mugged/raped/infected you is a criminal and their guilt is not diminished in the least but that does not change that you are the one that put yourself in that situation. I didn't say that it did. I just wanted to put a different perspective on it.
The slayer Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Slut is a negative term, that is used to judge someone other than yourself Women will call another woman a slut if she engages in any kind of sexual activity/ behaviour that they themselves would not. To women, a woman who is sexually confident is someone who has similair boundaries to their own. Men will call a woman who sexually threatens them a slut, this might be someone who uses sex as a weapon, or who has sex with other men. To men a woman who wants to sleep with them and does so in a way that doesn't make them feel threatened is sexually confident The term slut is sometimes also used with pride by both men and women to describe themselves when they know that their sexual behaviour challenges the majority view. Therefore somewhat unsuprisingly there are many more sluts than sexually confident women and most of us have definately behaved in a slutty way at some time in our lives....Thank God!
Trialbyfire Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 No, I completely agree. But many people sadly don't change until its too late, or they get a dreadful wake up call that MAKES them change. Like Che Jesses friends. Because some people who have psychological issues that may predispose them to DOING those kind of things ARE ignoring reality. Obviously. Understood. I can respect your opinion on this.
Author SouthernT Posted June 6, 2007 Author Posted June 6, 2007 Women will call another woman a slut if she engages in any kind of sexual activity/ behaviour that they themselves would not. To women, a woman who is sexually confident is someone who has similair boundaries to their own. What!!?? Are you serious? We are talking about life threatening-dumb A** behavior here. This is not an issue of "comfort zones"
The slayer Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Ok...so I was having a conversation with a girlfriend of mine the other day and she went into detail about some "things" she did with this new guy. (I'll spare the details...) Anyways, the bottom line was that I felt like she was behaving like a slut (in so many words) and her defense was that she was confident in her sexuality and suggested that I do the same. So what do you think the difference is between a woman having confidence in her sexuality and just being a flat out slut? Some women dont know when they are behaving like a slut and some women dont know how to let go and enjoy the moment without FEELING like one. What's your take on this? simply answering your question
corazoncito Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I'm really concerned that there is some very illogical reasoning in this thread about who is or isn't at risk for STDs. "Getting to know someone" is NOT an effective form of STD prevention. "Sluts" aren't the only ones who get unwanted "gifts" they can't return. While it's very sweet to date someone and learn about their childhood, what their favorite cocktail is, how they like their steak cooked, what they would do if they won the lottery, etc. that tells you NOTHING about their sexual health. Only medical testing will do that. I have a dear friend who was infected with herpes by her exclusive, long-term BF (who got it from his ex-wife during their marriage). She is not a slut. They were dating for almost a year and she thought she knew him. He seemed a really nice guy. The infection didn't happen right away. Her mistake was that after dating him exclusively for a while and feeling secure in the relationship, she was willing to stop using condoms. His problem is that he was asymptomatic (being treated) and not honest about his medical condition. It was a horrible thing, but I honestly believed it wasn't malicious on his part. Just really stupid selfishness motivated by the hope she wouldn't get it since his outbreaks were under control, and the fear that she would leave him if she knew he had an STD. Just getting to know someone isn't enough. Get tested and ask your partner to do the same. Even the "non-sluts".
electric_sheep Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Sexual confidence comes from simply being confident in one's sexual allure and technique. I'm pretty confident in my skill at cunnilingus, simply from what I've been told by others. Hopefully one is never so confident that they are not open to improvement or feedback! The derogatory word "slut" generally refers to women who do not share the traditional view of sexually, as espoused by society, or accept the mainstream sex role they are "expected" to take as a women. It is almost exclusively used in regard to women, as we have traditionally assigned them the role of sexual gatekeeper. It is also almost exclusively used by those whoms personal philosophy on sex is in keeping with the mainstream, and as an attempt to degrade or put down others with a different outlook. Of course, some women have not accepted societies role, and have created their own philosophies toward sexuality. We are each free to have our own philosophy towards sexuality. There is no "right" view on it. So, it could be you guys just have different outlooks! That's fine. Find the courage to try not and judge. In this context "sexual confidence" may simply mean she is confident in her outlook!
electric_sheep Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Maybe it turned her on. Maybe it was a fantasy of hers that she had the courage to explore. This whole "sex can kill you" hysteria is a load of hooey. And a "committed relationship" is not the only way to explore your sexuality unless you are excessively religious. People who make value judgments based upon their own narrow interpretation of acceptable behavior are the ones who invented the "slut" label. I have a great deal of contempt for people who impose their morality on others in order to denigrate them. Yes. This is the correct answer. Wise words from one of our countries most forward-thinking and exciting cities. The "sex can kill you" argument is mainly used by prudes and conservatives to try and enforce their view. The term "slut" betrays their intentions, and that is to make some sort of moral judgement. We are all free to evaluate lifes risks and rewards, and make our own decisions accordingly. It's called freedom. A lot of things in life can kill you, but that doesn't keep everyone from doing them. If you simply consider her risk/benefit analysis to be out of wack, you should call her "reckless", instead of using the more judgemental term "slut", with all it's moral connotations. It's time for us as a society to move beyond such concepts as "slut".
Carbine Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Nowadays, who really knows what 'slutty' is and isn't? I think it's vastly open to interpretation/perception, like most other terms. I agree that it can be a pretty fine line at times drawn between being slutty and being sexually confident. IMO: Slut: * Dresses cheaply in a way that basically says "I'm dressing this way because I want to be f**ked, so look no further!". *Conversation is superficial, primarily geared towards sexual activities, laced with sexual innuendo, and shows little scope for going elsewhere. * Is surrounded by a distinct air of lack of respect for herself and for those around her * Usually speaks in a 'rough' or 'loose' manner Sexually Confident: * May dress in a way that gets attention, but also knows where to draw the line * Conversation may have a sexual overtone, but is also diverse and less-superficial * Has a noticeable sense of respect for herself, her surroundings and for others around her * Overall shows some degree of conservatism - right place, right time, uses best judgement.
jcster Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Electric_sheep...I think I love you! Do you have room in your harem for one more?
sockpuppet Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I don't think whether a girl is 'slutty' or not has anything to do with morality. I agree that many men (and women) label women sluts who threaten them, and that it can be very unfair. The only thing that I really consider 'slutty' behavior is someone who uses sex with people they have little emotional connection to just to validate themselves or to feel like they're "fitting in," or really for any reason other than genuine feelings for the other person. Everyone wants to feel wanted, and sex is one of the easiest ways to simulate the feeling...since so many people think sex = acceptance. Sluts are women with deep-seated emotional issues that facilitate this kind of behavior, and like DanielMadr said, these girls are likely settling for a lot less than someone with true self confidence would settle for. This is all just my opinion. I know if I was a woman, and I went through a rough time and felt bad about myself, I'd find it very tempting to lower my standards and get with someone just based on how easy it is. Instant ego boost! Problem is this almost never results in fulfillment and feelings of guilt and shame often follow.
D-Lish Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Here is D-lish's bottom line.... The difference is how YOU YOURSELF deal and talk about it. "Slut" is an antiquated male inspired label. It's unfortunate women also jump on this term and label other women who have more sex as sluts... but still revere men that conquer regularily as desired hero's.... If you are using protection and having fun- and YOU are okay with the people you sleep with.... it's your freakin business. And it's okay. I think a problem is evident if you wake up every weekend with a stranger in your bed that you don't remember meeting the night before- and you spend days feeling bad over it.... that's a different story. Sexual confidence is nothing to be ashamed of. *****ing guys because you feel empty and want to fill an emotional void is different. Both sexes do it.... remember that. Gender should have no barrier.
sockpuppet Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 So you're saying that a man with a deep seated emotional issue who screws around with lots of women is a "slut" also? And by the way, I had a FWB thing going last year, and trust me - it had NOTHING to do with my feeling bad about myself - not one iota. It had everything to do with my feeling like I wasn't ready for a romantic relationship, but I am one horny biotch when I haven't had any for five months (that's a looooong time, man!). The only feelings of guilt that ensued were because the guy involved fell in love with me, though I had made it very clear at the onset that I didn't want a relationship. I didn't like hurting him like that. And he was the only partner I had then. I wasn't f'ing around town. Didn't want one night stands. That's why I chose the route of FWB with a good friend. Kept me from getting into a messy relationship thing while keeping up a steady supply of quality booty. A male in that form, possibly...I don't know. I'm not saying everyone who does casual stuff is suffering from emotional issues. It's just something you see a lot. When guys are insecure and worried about fitting in, their behavior usually turns girls off, and they usually have a HARDER time getting laid. The closest thing you'll see to what you're talking about is a guy who is unable to get close, so he relies on casual stuff. I'm trying not to generalize too much here. It's just that desperation from a guy is a turnoff, whereas a girl with the same feelings doesn't have to act desperate, she just has to be acquiescent and "let a guy in."
StayClose Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 A sexually confident woman is a woman who is sexually active, open to experiencing sex with different partners (including me) on her own terms. But when a woman who I find attractive has sex with different guys, but when I to get something going with her, she tells me she has a BF or she's "too busy," she's a SLUT!
kitkat826 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 If you drink until you pass out in a club you have never been to you will probably get raped?!!!!!! WTF!!! This is exACTly the kind of mentality women fight against in courtrooms all over this country each and every day. I think the difference here is between WILL and SHOULD. I don't think he's saying that women who act in those ways should be raped, just that there is a high probablity of those things happening when you put yourself in those situations. No women should ever be victimized for any reason, regardless of what she is wearing, how she acts when she's drunk, the places she frequents, etc. The same goes for men or any living, breathing entity. But actions have consequences, and to ignore them is to set yourself for problems and disapointment down the line. I shouldn't have to be evicted from my apartment and forced to live on the street because I lost all my money in gambling, but if I bring my life savings to the casino that's a risk that I'm taking. (Example, not real life).
sockpuppet Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 OMG! I canNOT believe you tried to find some remote correlation between somebody simply becoming vulnerable and expecting to be left in peace and a person who expects someone to allow them to live in the building they have to pay a mortgage on rent free because they pissed their money away. Actions have consequences, yes, but because a child is vulnerable, it's THEIR fault for being small and weak so some child molester could take advantage of them? Using your logic, you'd have to answer yes. It doesn't matter whether someone is vulnerable through their own actions or a disability or their age. NOBODY SHOULD EXPECT TO BE VICTIMIZED. Gawd! You're totally missing the point here. Here's a little lesson- people are selfish, and people can be totally heartless. If you put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of, you very likely will be, it's just the way it is. Tourists get robbed all the time, either because they don't take precautions to safeguard their possessions, or because they stand out like a sore thumb and make themselves easy targets. Unaccompanied children are easy targets for kidnappers. As a woman (especially if you dress to please going out), you have something many people want, just like any other scenario. If you get so drunk that you can no longer take care of yourself or make rational decisions, then that makes it easy for them to take advantage of you. Is it fair? No...but it's life. Even as a guy I don't like getting that wasted, because I don't like totally entrusting my well-being to others.
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