Star Gazer Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 A slut is someone who uses sex for power or personal gain, whether monetary or otherwise. The pleasure derived from having sex is not the act itself or emotions, it's the ego-stroke or validation attached to it. A sexually confident woman enjoys sex and is confident in her body image and herself. She may or may not have an emotional connection but gets pleasure from being with the person she has selectively chosen. I agree with this. It's Monica Lewinsky vs. Samantha Jones.
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I agree with this. It's Monica Lewinsky vs. Samantha Jones. ...........
jcster Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Sexually confident women are those who initiate and explore their sexuality within a committed relationship. They are not afraid to ask their partner to satisy them. Jump some guy in a night club is not sexually confident, in fact, it reeks of desperation. There is no confidence in throwing yourself at guys aimlessly. Maybe it turned her on. Maybe it was a fantasy of hers that she had the courage to explore. This whole "sex can kill you" hysteria is a load of hooey. And a "committed relationship" is not the only way to explore your sexuality unless you are excessively religious. People who make value judgments based upon their own narrow interpretation of acceptable behavior are the ones who invented the "slut" label. I have a great deal of contempt for people who impose their morality on others in order to denigrate them.
Lizzie60 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Maybe it turned her on. Maybe it was a fantasy of hers that she had the courage to explore. This whole "sex can kill you" hysteria is a load of hooey. And a "committed relationship" is not the only way to explore your sexuality unless you are excessively religious. People who make value judgments based upon their own narrow interpretation of acceptable behavior are the ones who invented the "slut" label. I have a great deal of contempt for people who impose their morality on others in order to denigrate them. This is exactly what I meant when I posted: I said it was the name given by others to a sexually confident woman... there's a difference... First of all, who decides who's a slut and who's a sexually confident woman. What is the quota? The 'others' were, like you said, the ones who invented the "slut" label, the narrow-minded, the excessively religious, the prude, the envious... or simply the ugly people who can't get laid... LOL And I sooo agree with you when you say that This whole "sex can kill you" hysteria is a load of hooey. It's getting ridiculous at times. And I also have no patience with the 'holier than thou' people. Shoot I wish I could express myself in English better... LOL
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 But what was the guy? Was he slutty too? Double standard...A guy can sleep with many women and he's a stud, and cool! A woman does that, she's a slut. See, women who loves sex, who are good in bed, who do lots of experimenting in bed doesn't make them a slut! That means MEN are sluts too! Well, no... I disagree. There are male sluts too. It's the same theory. As for the OPs friend who is willing to bang someone like that, it's completely irresponsible to do this with a stranger. HIV is deadly and now, there's a form of gonorrhea that's antibiotic resistant. Here's a link to the CDC.gov site that describes the resistant type of STD. http://www.cdc.gov/std/Gonorrhea/arg/stdfact-resistant-gonorrhea.htm Unless you take a test for all forms of STDs every single time you have irresponsible sex, you are taking someone else's life into your own hands. Condoms are not foolproof...
Art_Critic Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 The 'others' were, like you said, the ones who invented the "slut" label, the narrow-minded, the excessively religious, the prude, the envious... or simply the ugly people who can't get laid... I'm not religious, narrow minded, a prude , envious at all, or ugly, and I think it was slutty, dangerous behavior. If she had known the guy I might think differently but the guy was a stranger who she knew nothing of his sexual history or even if he had any STD's. He very well might have been an IV drug user with HIV.. In fact the chances are higher than you might think of that in this particular case.. I won't have sex with a woman unless I at the very least know she is clean of STD's. I'm sure most people are the same way including you and I would guess we are sexually confident. The woman did an act that if her self esteem had been higher she most likely would NOT have done.. To me she showed no sexual confidence.. just plain stupidity.
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Morality is a personal benchmark. Without morality, people would be running around killing, stealing and raping each other. Where do you hold yourself, to yourself? How do you hold yourself accountable for your own deeds in life? Based on your occupation, you risk not only the multitudes of men you sleep with for nothing beyond personal gain but also their partners because your preference is married or committed men. Once again, condoms are not foolproof and it's only a matter of time before there's an accident. If there was an accident, would you immediately get checked for all types of STDs? Remember, if you have more than one person per day, you may not have time to get checked out, potentially creating a walking time bomb cycle of spreading incurable STDs, never mind the garden variety of STDs. How do you justify playing a numbers game with peoples lives for monetary gain? Once again, Tom, Dick and Harry also have others they sleep with who are unknowing of their habits. While these men have personal responsibilities to society, so do you. These are not the actions of a sexually confident woman. This is exactly what I meant when I posted: I said it was the name given by others to a sexually confident woman... there's a difference... First of all, who decides who's a slut and who's a sexually confident woman. What is the quota? The 'others' were, like you said, the ones who invented the "slut" label, the narrow-minded, the excessively religious, the prude, the envious... or simply the ugly people who can't get laid... LOL And I sooo agree with you when you say that This whole "sex can kill you" hysteria is a load of hooey. It's getting ridiculous at times. And I also have no patience with the 'holier than thou' people. Shoot I wish I could express myself in English better... LOL
alphamale Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 As for the OPs friend who is willing to bang someone like that, it's completely irresponsible to do this with a stranger... whats the difference between meeting someone and having sex with them an hour later and meeting someone and going on 2 or 3 dates an then having sex? in the latter scenario the person is still basically a stranger. Without morality, people would be running around killing, stealing and raping each other. thats funny cause the catholic church was doing that for hundreds of years..
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 whats the difference between meeting someone and having sex with them an hour later and meeting someone and going on 2 or 3 dates an then having sex? in the latter scenario the person is still basically a stranger. The concept of responsible sex is that you know your partner... thats funny cause the catholic church was doing that for hundreds of years.. Since I'm not religious, I really don't care about the hypocrisy of organized religion. Morality is a personal yardstick and a responsibility to self and society as a whole.
polywog Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 The title of this thread is funny; there are gradations between being sexually confident and slutty. In my own life, I have been adventurous sexually when I was neither fully confident nor a "slut" (a term I despise, as it doesn't seem to be applied to men often enough). I've had sex with strangers, using a condom and taking a risk of my my own free will, and it was fun. I would probably be judged as a "slut" on a thread like this, but I just can't buy into that. Especially because no one here (I haven't read all posts carefully) is judging the male participants; what are they if they're having sex in the bathroom of the club? Maybe opportunists? Well, aren't women who have the chance for this the same?
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Hey poly, refer to my post #30. It's across the board judging...
portableversion Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 for me i discovered women with low self esteem and those with high. I always considered the girl a slut if she had self image problems and just had sex to get people to like her, but then i met women who screw lots of men because they like sex and they want to try it with as many people as possible--- in my book that just friggin awesome and we need more of those right there!! Now cheating on partners and dating other who are in a relationship thats just extra risky--- nothing inherently wrong, you just may get your butt kicked oh well what do i know its so different fot women; me and just about all my friends would've just about cut off their right hand to have sex with some mysterious stranger we just met and we're so hot for each other we just gotta go to the bathroom together.......its tragic the puritans came to this country we already had enough suffering here with displacing the indians
alphamale Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Especially because no one here (I haven't read all posts carefully) is judging the male participants; what are they if they're having sex in the bathroom of the club? Maybe opportunists? maybe the men are opportunists....but they'll never wake up pregnant one morning
polywog Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I don't know how to find it, could you give me the link? And while I'm at it.... I would NEVER mess with a man who is involved. I said strangers, but the truth is in these situations (there have not been that many) I have taken the time to glean whether a guy has a woman or not. Thus, they are not totally anonymous guys in clubs that I led into the bathroom for a quick one. I hung out a bit, vibed them out, and then did the fun deed. Geez, or so I assumed.... at least I hope I didn't betray a woman with a slutty deceiver-type guy....
polywog Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 maybe the men are opportunists....but they'll never wake up pregnant one morning I know, I know.... but if you use a couple of forms of birth control, including condoms to try to stave off the STDs it's not enough to keep women from enjoying themselves like this. I hate having to think of being a slave to biology, and many women feel the same, and we hardly have to anymore, here at least.
Topper Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Ifyou meet a woman at a bar and she went home with you, She is a sexually confident woman. If she rejects you and takes home someone else home,shes a slut! Definition number 2 If a woman meets a guy she wants to sleep with. Then some other woman takes him home That other woman most be a slut I'm kidding of course
Topper Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 If you meet a woman at a bar and she went home with you, She is a sexually confident woman. If she rejects you and takes home someone else home,shes a slut! Definition number 2; If a woman meets a guy she wants to sleep with. Then some other woman takes him home. That other woman most be a slut I'm kidding of course
alphamale Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I'm kidding of course actually it sounds like you're not...
Pyro Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 A slut is someone who uses sex for power or personal gain, whether monetary or otherwise. The pleasure derived from having sex is not the act itself or emotions, it's the ego-stroke or validation attached to it. A sexually confident woman enjoys sex and is confident in her body image and herself. She may or may not have an emotional connection but gets pleasure from being with the person she has selectively chosen. Surprise surprise......good post. I also like to add that the slut will partake in sex with someone that they may have just met or hardly knows. The sexually confident woman would wait until she knows the person a little more before getting involved sexually.
Curmudgeon Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 So what do you think the difference is between a woman having confidence in her sexuality and just being a flat out slut? One who feels comfortable with her sexuality and one who takes that comfort and passes it around indiscrimately! It's a matter of volume, not technique!
Author SouthernT Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 If you meet a woman at a bar and she went home with you, She is a sexually confident woman. If she rejects you and takes home someone else home,shes a slut! So sad but men say this alot. whats the difference between meeting someone and having sex with them an hour later and meeting someone and going on 2 or 3 dates an then having sex? in the latter scenario the person is still basically a stranger. Good point, because you still know absolutley nothing about the person other than what THEY want you to know because its too early in the dating phase and that person would still have their mask on. Honestly, in my opinion, yeah it may be fair to call guys sluts too. But my take on it is this: In REALITY, men a sexual beings and thats just THE WAY IT IS and the way it will always be. So therefore, I feel that it is a WOMAN's responsibility to control what a man does to her. If you put it in his face and serve it to him on a silver platter, he's going to take it bottom line. It doesnt excuse his behavior by any means, but a man can only do what a woman allows him to do. And in this situation with my friend, she served it to him on a silver platter and of course he took it. He didnt know any better.
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Honestly, in my opinion, yeah it may be fair to call guys sluts too. But my take on it is this: In REALITY, men a sexual beings and thats just THE WAY IT IS and the way it will always be. So therefore, I feel that it is a WOMAN's responsibility to control what a man does to her. If you put it in his face and serve it to him on a silver platter, he's going to take it bottom line. It doesnt excuse his behavior by any means, but a man can only do what a woman allows him to do. And in this situation with my friend, she served it to him on a silver platter and of course he took it. He didnt know any better. Okay, you just set off my equality alarm. In a situation of consensual sex (single individuals), both parties are adults with needs and drives. No one party is solely responsible and most of all, no one should be controlled or controlling.
Author SouthernT Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 OMG! I didn't know there were really still people like you out there!! You have a reality all your own. Some people have a higher sex drive than others. I have a higher sex drive than my ex did, but my current boyfriend's is equal to mine. We both want each other A LOT! Come on into the 21st century with the rest of us, wouldja? I said this ONLY in regards to the situation that started this thread. I'm not saying in regards to dating and being in a relationship. I'm saying in regards to reckless behavior that was exhibited by my friend. I think you took it out of context. But I understand your point.
bazcam Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 The double standard exists because it is much more difficult for men to have lots of casual sex with strangers, the man has to be pretty smooth and skillful to convince a lot of women to get their clothes off, so the man gets props for that. Getting lots of casual sex is incredibly easy for a woman. Practically any woman can just go up to a strange man and say "Wanna ****?" and 99.9999% of the time, the man will break the land speed record in getting to the nearest hotel. It's just no challenge for a woman, but it's very challenging for a man. I do think the term "slut" is very counterproductive though, if women weren't afraid of being on the receiving end of this stupid label, then maybe men would be getting laid more often.
DanielMadr Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Sexually confident woman is able to "obtain" high quality man and stick with him. She doesnt need to compensate her inferiority complexes with lots of attention from men of questionable quality or go through dozens of men before she knows what she wants. Slvt - fornicating (often) with men of questionable quality. There is no need for panic ladies. If healthy, present behaviour is more important than former "sins". Just bare in mind, your having lots of sexual experience is not a turn on for a normal guy. 'I got X guys to sleep with me' is not a think to brag about. Any woman can do that.
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