Husband showing signs he is suspicious of me!

[raincloud]

So, several of you here probably know my story if you hang out around this forum. Well, my husband has started showing some signs that he is suspicious of me for one reason or another. Today I caught him checking the log on my cell phone to see who I had been calling. A few days ago he was trying to find out what I have been doing on the computer....on the google page he had typed in loveshack, but went to loveshack.com instead of loveshack.org. So, I have my own thoughts on this, but would like some input from some of you out there. Thanks.

[whichwayisup]

He's reflecting his OWN behaviour and guilt upon to you. Those who cheat, can't trust themselves as they know what they are doing is WRONG, so yeah, I believe since he isn't trustworthy, he now is having paranoid thoughts and making it seem like you're doing something wrong, when you're not.

 

Clear your history and don't save the link to this site, that way he won't find you. Last thing you want to happen is to lose your freedom to talk and vent here by him snooping to see what you're writing about.

[Lizzie60]

maybe something you said... or maybe he thinks you spend too much time on the computer... that's probably what makes him suspicious...

 

I don't know your story but I guess he has no clue about you coming on here...

 

I disagree with the other poster who said that someone who is suspicious is guilty... I don't think so...

 

A wife who never cheat might become suspicious if she notices something different in her husband's behaviour, something he said or if he spends too much time on the computer...or if he gets weird phone calls...etc. It has nothing to do with it.

[reef man]

So, several of you here probably know my story if you hang out around this forum. Well, my husband has started showing some signs that he is suspicious of me for one reason or another. Today I caught him checking the log on my cell phone to see who I had been calling. A few days ago he was trying to find out what I have been doing on the computer....on the google page he had typed in loveshack, but went to loveshack.com instead of loveshack.org. So, I have my own thoughts on this, but would like some input from some of you out there. Thanks.

 

Well I didn't see much of your story except your original post where you said he had cheated.

 

When you said he is getting suspicious of you, is there something to be suspicious about? Did you revenge cheat?

 

If not, then my suspicion is that he is feeling guilty and thinks that you might have started looking elsewhere since you found out he was unfaithful.

 

The other thing that comes to mind is that he is still cheating and is hoping that you are too that way his guilt is appeased in his mind.

[raincloud]

Well I didn't see much of your story except your original post where you said he had cheated.

 

When you said he is getting suspicious of you, is there something to be suspicious about? Did you revenge cheat?

 

If not, then my suspicion is that he is feeling guilty and thinks that you might have started looking elsewhere since you found out he was unfaithful.

 

The other thing that comes to mind is that he is still cheating and is hoping that you are too that way his guilt is appeased in his mind.

 

 

No, I did not revenge cheat. And I do not believe I have done anything "suspicious". No odd phonecalls, and I am usually on the computer only when he is at work. I've just been doing what I usually do, taking care of our home and daughter. I have recently taken up a more intense weekly workout schedule, but that is really the only change to my life as of lately.

[Mr. Lucky]

So, several of you here probably know my story if you hang out around this forum. Well, my husband has started showing some signs that he is suspicious of me for one reason or another. Today I caught him checking the log on my cell phone to see who I had been calling. A few days ago he was trying to find out what I have been doing on the computer....on the google page he had typed in loveshack, but went to loveshack.com instead of loveshack.org. So, I have my own thoughts on this, but would like some input from some of you out there. Thanks.

Just out of curiousity, why do you think he is behaving the way he is ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[raincloud]

Just out of curiousity, why do you think he is behaving the way he is ?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Well, the other day we had a talk and he mentioned that he was afraid that he would just make me miserable for the rest of my life. I told him that if he kept up this behavior, then yes, but that I could not handle him behaving the way he has been, that I did not want it in my life. I told him he couldn't have me and OW, that he needed to be my husband or go be with her. This is after I found out she had gone to see him where he works. I think the fear of losing his family and his guilt are part of the reason for this behavior, but I don't know. Maybe I'll just ask him. I'm confused.

[whichwayisup]

I think he's hoping you're cheating on him as well so HE can feel better about what he is doing.

 

That just PLAIN SUCKS, and he's a real scumbag to be doing this to you!

 

And, if he chooses to cheat on you, well, he has to suffer the consquences of his actions! Part of that is, losing you as a wife and being a family under one roof. He can still be a father, he just won't have you there with him and you two won't parent your kids together 24/7.

 

Maybe one day he'll wake the F up and realize that some hot sex with another woman isn't worth losing your family over..

[harleygirl92156]

I know my husband feared I would revenge cheat when his infidelity was uncovered. I considered it I must admit, but didn't want to sink to that level myself. I think this may be what is causing your husband to act this way.

 

If you have nothing to hide and it sounds as though you don't let him snoop. When he finds nothing time after time, he will stop.

 

Good luck

[Trialbyfire]

Guard your heart raincloud. I also hope you're financially independent. If not, make sure you are so you can react to the worst case scenario.

[RecordProducer]

The other thing that comes to mind is that he is still cheating and is hoping that you are too that way his guilt is appeased in his mind.

I think he's hoping you're cheating on him as well so HE can feel better about what he is doing.

This is possible. Or he isn't cheating anymore, but feels guilty.

 

But what's even more likely IMO is that he wishes that you're cheating so that the marriage ends, either because he feels guilty before you or because he simply wants it to end. I would recommend this:

Guard your heart raincloud. I also hope you're financially independent. If not, make sure you are so you can react to the worst case scenario.

[azianpride143]

First things first. Make sure you clean your tracks so he doesn't know the sites you visit when your online. Most browsers allow you to clear history, cookies, and private data (temp internet files).

 

I would confront him about his behaviour. Remember the ball is in your court. You need to get this out of the way and set boundaries. I hope it all works out for you.

[IpAncA]

So, several of you here probably know my story if you hang out around this forum. Well, my husband has started showing some signs that he is suspicious of me for one reason or another. Today I caught him checking the log on my cell phone to see who I had been calling. A few days ago he was trying to find out what I have been doing on the computer....on the google page he had typed in loveshack, but went to loveshack.com instead of loveshack.org. So, I have my own thoughts on this, but would like some input from some of you out there. Thanks.

 

He might be seeing if your talking to anyone about this. Reason I say this is that would be the first thing I would be checking. That way I knew what was going on.

 

I would make sure to cover yourself otherwise you lose privacy. You don't want him on here.

[Mr. Lucky]

I told him he couldn't have me and OW, that he needed to be my husband or go be with her. This is after I found out she had gone to see him where he works.

Where do things stand in terms of dealing with his A and the OW? Has he admitted it and are you guys actively working on your marriage or are you just waiting for the other shoe to drop?

 

Mr. Lucky

[raincloud]

Where do things stand in terms of dealing with his A and the OW? Has he admitted it and are you guys actively working on your marriage or are you just waiting for the other shoe to drop?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Well, I thought we were working on the marriage, but as many posters have told me...you can't really "work" on the marriage while he is still in contact with the OW. He isn't here emotionally. Maybe HE'S waiting for the shoe to drop. After I confronted him a couple of days ago to see if he had been in contact with her, he proceeded to call me at least 10 times on his way to work to tell me he was sorry he got me in this mess, etc. etc.....I'm beginning to think that maybe he is looking for an "out" with me, but feels guilty about our child? Like I said in an earlier post, I AM CONFUSED! I can't even think straight right now.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm beginning to think that maybe he is looking for an "out" with me, but feels guilty about our child? Like I said in an earlier post, I AM CONFUSED! I can't even think straight right now.

Your assessment certainly seems like the most likely scenario. The emotional distance, evasiveness, snooping, etc., all seem like the actions of a man with one foot out the door. If he can find some dirt on you, it helps justify what he's done. Tough situation to be in; I feel for you.

 

What are you doing to bring this to a head?

 

Mr. Lucky

[raincloud]

What are you doing to bring this to a head?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm not exactly sure what I am going to do. Today he came in from work talking to me about buying a Land Rover and taking family trips to the mountains....what is up? One day he hardly says a word, and the next he acts like we are best buds. There is also the fact that we are doing some basic remodeling to our home ourselves so we can put it on the market by summer's end. He has been looking for land for us too. So there is a lot going on in our lives added to the affair stress. And to answer WWIU from earlier in the thread, no....I am not anywhere near being financially independent. I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom when I had our child, that was almost seven years ago.

[Trialbyfire]

Start moving some ready cash, bit by bit so you have something you and your child can live on, if things get rough. A wayward spouse is going to use whatever leverage they can to ensure they get the best deal in a marriage dissolution situation. Don't leave yourself high and dry.

 

Btw, I would put my foot down on buying a Land Rover. Any vehicle will depreciate substantially, the first minute you drive it off the lot. Just tell him that at this point, this isn't a good time to be discussing joint purchases.

 

The comment below illustrates your timeline for concern. Prepare for the worst. If it doesn't happen, perfect.

 

There is also the fact that we are doing some basic remodeling to our home ourselves so we can put it on the market by summer's end.

[RecordProducer]

First things first. Make sure you clean your tracks so he doesn't know the sites you visit when your online. Most browsers allow you to clear history, cookies, and private data (temp internet files).

I don't think the question was how to cover up her internet activities, but WHY the husband got suspicious.

[Mr. Lucky]

Today he came in from work talking to me about buying a Land Rover and taking family trips to the mountains....what is up? One day he hardly says a word, and the next he acts like we are best buds. There is also the fact that we are doing some basic remodeling to our home ourselves so we can put it on the market by summer's end. He has been looking for land for us too.

I sense from your post that HE seems to be acting as though nothing out of the ordinary is going on. What I meant to ask is what are YOU doing to force him to deal with the short and long term consequences of his actions. Are you seeing a lawyer? Changing the locks? Starting marriage or IC?

 

Mr. Lucky

[raincloud]

What I meant to ask is what are YOU doing to force him to deal with the short and long term consequences of his actions.

 

 

Well, I did answer that in a roundabout way...I am not exactly sure what I am going to do yet. This is all just too much. I stated in my other post that I may take a little breather from Loveshack just to evaluate things and digest the advice I have received from all ends.

[Owl]

Here's a thought...

 

Tell him that you know he's 'checking up on you'...and that you're ok with it. As a matter of fact, you WELCOME it.

 

Openness and honesty in a marriage are hugely important. You've got nothing to hide, so there's no reason to hide anything. Let him have access to all of this.

 

And then let him know that of course, you expect the same access and openness and honesty from him as well. Again, its the best way to reassure the BOTH of you that everything is out in the open and your marriage is secure.

[nittygritty]

Well, I thought we were working on the marriage, but as many posters have told me...you can't really "work" on the marriage while he is still in contact with the OW. He isn't here emotionally. Maybe HE'S waiting for the shoe to drop. After I confronted him a couple of days ago to see if he had been in contact with her, he proceeded to call me at least 10 times on his way to work to tell me he was sorry he got me in this mess, etc. etc.....I'm beginning to think that maybe he is looking for an "out" with me, but feels guilty about our child? Like I said in an earlier post, I AM CONFUSED! I can't even think straight right now.

 

I reread some of your other posts. Did you say that this affair started when your daughter was a newborn and that she is now six? I may have misunderstood. What I am wondering is how long ago did this affair began?

 

It certainly sounds like he is trying to make himself feel better about what he is doing by acting suspicious of you. He also may be worrying that you have hired a private detective for a divorce and custody case.

 

Does he ever go places with your daughter without you? I am wondering if it is possible that your daughter has met the Other Woman?

If he does feel guilty about what a divorce would do to your daughter he may introduce your daughter to the OW to prepare your daughter for a divorce or to see if your daughter likes the OW. Its not unusual for someone who is planning on leaving their spouse for someone else but is worried about the kids to see if the kids like the OP first.

 

I am not trying to upset or confuse you more but the longer this affair has been going on the more likely your daughter has met the OW.

 

It is much easier to know as much as you can about the situation than to keep hoping for it all to work itself out. I would recommend you start asking your husband the tough questions.

[FireandIce]

I'm not exactly sure what I am going to do. Today he came in from work talking to me about buying a Land Rover and taking family trips to the mountains....what is up? One day he hardly says a word, and the next he acts like we are best buds. There is also the fact that we are doing some basic remodeling to our home ourselves so we can put it on the market by summer's end. He has been looking for land for us too.

 

 

Don't do it! Do not buy a new vehicle right now and do not buy any land or whatever until you know exactly where your marriage stands.

 

Just before my WH and I split (we are working on things now and are back together) we went looking at new houses. I am sooooooooooo glad we didn't buy anything because it would have just added to the stress after we split.

 

I remember asking him why on earth if he was that unhappy and having an affair would he want to buy a new house that he knew I wouldn't be able to afford on my own. He said that he was hoping it would make me happy. WTF? That still bothers me to this day. IMO it was a very selfish thing for him to do. In a way I guess he figured if I was happy then he wouldn't have to feel as guilty for having the whore on the side.