elisabeth160 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Ok, so my best friend of almost 8 years is seriously contemplating marrying a man I feel is bad for her. I know, who am I to say? The back story: She's 21 with an almost 4 yr old daughter by him. He's like 28 I believe. They've been together for almost 5 yrs. On and off. He's asked her to marry him before and she said yes, and then he bailed and left. He's left her many times. And in major ways, like leaving her in vegas with no family and her daughter. Or when she was pregnant, he left her also. Their relationship isn't a healthy one by any means. I know she loves him, but I think it might be out of desperation and fear of being alone forever because she has a kid. But she came to me yesterday asking my opinion and I told her honeslty I thought she was making a mistake. She is even on the fence about it, or so she tells me. But I believe she's actually considering it. I love her, she's my best friend. And I'm worried for her. He has nothing to truly offer her. She's so young and doing great and starting her career. I tried talking her into waiting but he's talked her into starting the process of becoming legal here next week. I'm not sure what my question is, I just don't know what to tell her. I want to be happy that she's happy but at the same time I feel she's making a mistake. I said I'd support her no matter her decision. How can I show her that she should wait, maybe try counseling to improve their relationship b4 they take such a big step. I need advice on what my duty as a best friend is for her. Thanks in advance!
Pyro Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Get her family involved and have them talk to her as well and hopefully she will see the light. Unfortunately she has the final say and the best thing that you can do is be a good friend to her and support her. Suggest the counseling before they get married and see what happens.
corazoncito Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 You were already a good friend to her to tell her diplomatically what you thought when she asked for your opinion. There's not much else you can do but continue to be there for her. It sounds like she will need it. I had this happen with a good friend of mine although luckily there was no child involved. She married him, it didn't go well, and she eventually left him. This was probably over 10 years ago. She's much better off now without him in her life, but at the time she was convinced marrying him was the right choice and there was no talking her out of it. I guess although sometimes we make really bad decisions in the short-term, what really counts is how things work out for us in the long-term. This guy may come and go from your friend's life, but what's going to help her get through it is the steady friendship she has with you.
dbtmarley Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Just be her friend. That is all that you can do. I know you care, but whether or not her marriage works or not is of no business of yours. It has no bearing on your friendship. Yes it may cause you some sleepless nights if the guy treats her badly and she keeps you on the phone all night talking about it. My wife's friends treated me like I was the worst thing for her... It makes for interesting BBQ's and gatherings though I must admit. Just be her friend. What can you do? Wait!?!? Oh you can tell her the guy is a real piece of crap and look what he did. Oh!!?? Wait?! She already knows that...
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