funkybassplayer Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Ok im new here, and feel that im a bit unsure of things regarding no contact. me and my ex recently split, 6 weeks. she had 3 kids who i miss and would one day like to stay friends with her but at the moment i still love her. Its also hard as her new guy seems like he has banished her ex's from her life. I cant belive that she moved on from me so fast as there was lots of love between us, and still attraction. I am at this point still in love with her, but im getting much better. I know she cares for me and misses me as she said just a couple of weeks ago. My point is this, i have only contacted her so far regarding things like owed money, but have been quite regarding anything else. On wednesday i put money into her account, and she text me thanks hope your ok. Well as its still so raw, im not, i coulnt help myself and said back that i missed her and the kids, and her face and smile, and that the time i had with her was electric x. that was it. I never got a reponce nor expected one nor did i want one. in my head it made me feel better as i said what i felt, and had not had the chance since we split. She wanted the friendship not me at the time of the split and i went along with it, but the new guy stopped that. I dont blame him really, but im getting the idea that he is very jelous and is a flash the cash type of guy. I was very much into the family and helping her out with the issues that she had. Of course i will not contact her again for a while, as i have not need to, other than to pay in the balance of her moeny. I do hope that we can be friends one day, as i would love to hear from the kids and her, but then also i dont want to be still hurting for her. I wouldnt put myself through that. I think that saying that i still cared for her made me feel good. But was it wrong? im not bothered about she may think its heavy cos at the moment i dont want anything light i.e . friends. Thanks guys.
norajane Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 If it made you feel better to tell her how you feel, then I don't see what's wrong with it. I agree with you, though, trying to being friends right now is too hard on you since you still have feelings for her. I don't think it's really possible to be friends until much, much later - the point where neither of you have any romantice feelings for each other anymore.
Freedom Now Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I don't think there is anything wrong with saying how you feel. For me, I must get things off my chest, then I can have peace. Life is short. Say what you feel. There's nothing wrong with that ever, IMHO. With that said.....disappear. In any love situations gone bad....if there's a will, there's a way. If there's no will, there's no way. People fight for the people they want. It is human nature. Let her go. If she wants you in the future, she will come and find you. Peace.... FN
Author funkybassplayer Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 alot of people on here think that to say how i feel to her, she will see it as weak? I dont understand this theory as it takes guts to say your thoughts dont you think? of course if you hassel someone then thats different, but this is the first time in six weeks since we split that i have said anything personal to her, with very little other contact.
upsetnhurt Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Funky, I don't think it has anything to do with how the other person will see you.....who cares! Do what you feel is best for you......although I beleive most people can not handle the emotional state they may be placed into if in fact their verbalized feelings are not recipricated. What are you intentions for touching base with her? Don't you believe that if she wanted anything from you, ie relationship, friendship, etc..., she would be the one to get in touch with you? You say she has someone at the moment? Ultimately do you want her to be happy? If so, let her be to find happiness from who she wants. You may disagree with her choices in men, yet if you respect her as a person and really do want her to be happy, leave her be. Make yourself happy.............
oppath Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Nothing is wrong with saying how you feel; sometimes it is relieving, however, sometimes it only relieves you in the moment. Often, what you hope for is a response or reaction, and unless you receive the EXACT reaction you were hoping for, you end up feeling worse.
polywog Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Nothing is wrong with saying how you feel; sometimes it is relieving, however, sometimes it only relieves you in the moment. Often, what you hope for is a response or reaction, and unless you receive the EXACT reaction you were hoping for, you end up feeling worse. This is so true! Sometimes, and I speak from experience, you don't realize that you wanted a response that on some unconscious level you were counting on. I guess it's the risk we take.
Author funkybassplayer Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 i do know where you are coming from, and of course i want her to be happy, she does want a freindship though as she has said, but its not what i want. no way will i play 2nd when in love with the girl! not yet, i think if an ex says hope you are ok when there was no need to it shows she still cares, and as you say, i said those things for me. It is all too easy to say just let someone go, but in practice its hard as there were kids involved as well who i was very close to. i have to say i have only text her 6 times in 6 weeks, so that is hardly intense. I am starting to move on, there are still finacial things that have to be sorted with her, so contact will happen at some point.. I think that no contact would be very hard to do if there are things that need to be said to the other party regardless if they are in a relationship or not. how in yourself can you move on with a head full of things that you want to say? in time it may get easy, but i belive that you may later regreat not saying your feelings to the person. We are all different and all have different views.
Author funkybassplayer Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 This is so true! Sometimes, and I speak from experience, you don't realize that you wanted a response that on some unconscious level you were counting on. I guess it's the risk we take. this is so true, when i text my ex (not often at all) I never got a reponse, but the time when i thought i was'nt going to get one, i got one! On the last text i sent, saying my feelings for her, i did not expect a responce and never got one. but i felt it was something that needed to be said for me When we split up, she pushed for a friendship i went along with it but then knew it was not for me. I think that till the point when i texted her how i felt about her, she maybe belived that the friends thing was cool with me, and my feelings to her had changed.
upsetnhurt Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Funky, You need to realize that if she loved you she would be with you, no questions. She obviously has some doubts about the two of you and you frankly can't solve them for her. She will need to deal with those issues on her own and unfortunately, you need to realize that by giving her assurances of your feelings for her, you are prolonging her from facing these doubts. She needs to realize that you are not on the back burner and hopefully this will force her to face her issues. If she does not, then you get out from under a very uncomfortable situation. If she does and she realizes your importance, then be sure that she will contact you. She has hurt you and you continue to contact her.....why is that? You have done all you could and more.....thus try to focus on yourself.
Author funkybassplayer Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 of course she has hurt me, but love is powerful, and this time it hit me hard. I feel pleased in myself that i have only text her once in 2 weeks.
Author funkybassplayer Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Funky, . She has hurt you and you continue to contact her.....why is that? because i told her i put money in her account, that was the first contact i had in 2 weeks, she then text hope you r ok, then i text missing her etc...
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