fordman95 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 please forgive my grammer and spelling.i failed english class miserably. ok well to start off ive been with this girl for almost 9 years.we have a 6 year old son together and she has a 10 year old daughter from a previous marriage. right from the beginning we were constantly breaking up.she kept throwing me out of the apartment,when i bought my house she was getting restraining orders to get me out.then i told her it was my house and next time she kicks me out of it ill burn it to the ground.well instead of that she started to just up and move out without saying a word.but everytime she has done this she would come right back. well she did it again a week ago except this time she told me she was leaving and gave me reasons.but one thing i dont understand is at first when she told me it was all her fault and i did nothing wrong.then a few days later it was all my fault and she done nothing worng.and now weve both done something wrong. i know its mostly my fault.i have some mental issues stemming from an accident as a child and a very traumatic childhood.i wont get into details about it here.thats the therapists job.last time she left was for the same reason.i ended up going for counselling and was on medication but i did it cuz its what she wanted me to do,not cuz i wanted too.so i ended up quitting it.well now im going for it again but this time it was MY decision and not hers so ill stick with it this time. anyways.she has it made here with me and her and everybody she knows knows it.she dont have to work,she dont have to worry about takeing care of a care or anything.only things she has to do is take care of the house,kids and animals.i dont even care if she makes me dinner or anything as long as her and the kids have eaten or whatever.im by no means wealthy but i can make all the money i need when i need it. i have bought,given and gotten everything she has ever asked for,wanted or i knew she wanted even if she didnt say anything.even if i couldnt afford it i found a way to get it for her.it might have taken some time but i did it. but now i cant figure out what she wants or is trying to do.after she moved out i didnt hear from her for a few days.then all of a sudden i get an IM from her.i talked to her for a bit.but now i get called everyday,emailed everyday,IMed everyday.she said she didnt want to be with me so why is she calling and all that.she called me the other night.she said something that made me mad.so i hung up on her(playing her games)she called back 6 times and even tried to block her number(she knows i dont answer "incoming call")i kept sending the calls straight to my voicemail.didnt leave any messages.well then she tried to IM me.i ignored it.she tried every 5 minutes to IM me.she finally stopped.next morning i get an email asking why i hung up on her and if i wanted her to leave me alone she would.well i definately dont want her to leave me alone.i didnt answer it.later that night i get an IM asking why i hung up on her.so i answered it and told her why.she said " OK Ill leave you alone,goodnight".well she never left for about an hour till she was ready to fall asleep.i wake up the next morning to find that she sent an IM at 1:09AM asking if i was still awake.i missed it.she is constantly asking me if im OK.i keep telling her no but whatever. she comes over the other morning to see me.well first thing she does is say hi to and pet the dog(the poor dog aint takeing this very well)and then right to me and sits on my lap.well she starts kissing and hugging me.i was busy on the computer so i kept doing what i was doing till it was done.then we moved to the couch.i let her make all the moves.i didnt start anything.well more kissing and hugging and you can figure out what happened next .the whole time all this was happening i was looking directly into her eyes and i can tell that she did not want to split up.her eyes were getting wetter and wetter every second.well she gets up and tells me she loves me,i did the same.then she asked if i was ok,i said not really.and then she left.at that point she almost to the point of crying.she knows she made a mistake.didnt her from her for 2 days.i can see it on her face,in her eyes and in her voice.she can deny it all she wants over the phone and through emails and IMs but her face tells a different story.i know somebody is telling her what to do.she never makes these decisions on her own.somebody has to talk her into it and they know what to make her do to make me mad wich in turn gets her to thinking and moveing out. i dont call her.she calls me.if i miss the call,oh well try again later.i wont call her back.but everytime i talk to her shes calling me honey,darling,sweetheart,baby and whatever she calls me.if she dont want me why is she calling me these names?she came to the house yesterday and left $20.00 on my desk for me to put fuel in my truck.why would she do that? as you can tell im not very good with words.but i talked to her sister for a long time one night.i told her my feelings and some other stuff.and told her i figured she could unscramble it and talk to her sister for me to let her know how i feel.she told me some stuff.of course she twisted it all around to use against me.i told the girlfriend what her sister told me and of course the sister denied everything.i drove 3,000 miles round trip to help the sister move 100 feet across the street.i did it cause the girlfriend asked me too and her sister needed help.i never got payed for it.i got a hug and thank you along with a monetary promise from the sister.dont care if i never get any money for it.the thank you and hug was enough but i figured she could atleast help me a little in return. her mother died a year ago.and i know i didnt help her much with it cuz i honestly didnt know how or know what to do.ive never had to deal with something like that.now her grandmother is dieing.again i dont know what to do or say.i usually end up saying the wrong thing so i just keep my mouth shut.i am dumb but not completely stupid.im not very good with life and money. i dont know what to do.i cant figure out what she wants.ive told her my feelings and that i was sorry for what ive done and that i am seeking the help i need.im not gonna beg her to come back.ive done that everytime.its her turn to do the begging.but she aint gonna do it with somebody else telling her what to do.but if it is really over she knows how to tell me.she is going to disney in a week to visit her sister and stuff.well she wants a tattoo.she knows that i cant stand them.they dont belong on a womens body.im sorry i just dont like them that and my dad has Hepetitus C and the doctors think he got it from a tattoo.im not gonna be with her haveing a tattoo worrying whether she may or may not have caught a disease from it.and she knows that.im sorry i dont care how clean things are or whatever.the doctors said thats most likely how my dad got the hepC.ive been watching him slowly dieing for the last 20 years of my life.so if she comes back from florida with a tattoo we are definately done!and she knows this i told her about it the other night again and have told her many times. well thanks for any advise,thoughts or whatever you give me.
Author fordman95 Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 well i just got off the phone with her.she called m,i wont call her.and i just got an IM from her saying "goodnight". i did send her an email last night explaining exactly how i felt.she was supposed to call me this morning and come get her mail and see me for a few minutes.never called but i wouldnt have answered cuz i left the phone in the truck all day for that reason.she came by at some point while i was gone to get her mail.so i sent another email asking if i made her mad or something.then she called.she said she read the emails and thought that i would be here when she came.i did tell her i didnt know what if id be home all day or not.so maybe it was my fault cuz i left.she may have thought id be here whether she called or not cause usualy if i dont know what im doing i usually stay home.but while i was sitting here tonight i seen a car pull up in front of the house.i could somewhat see it through the blinds.it looked like her car.it sat there for a minute or 2 and then sped off.i didnt get up to see who it was cuz i figured it was her.but after it left i got up and looked but it was gone.there fresh tire tracks but no foot prints or anybody walking in the area in front of the house. she said she wanted to watch some movies tonight.so to see what she would say i told her"you couldve been here doing that with me"i didnt say "you could be" as to say she can come over and stay the night,but she asked"where would junior sleep?"so i kept it going and said"he could sleep on the sofa bed or in the water bed or the 2 of them could sleep in the bed and id sleep on the couch"then she says "its too late to drag junior out but maybe next weekend".no more was said about it till almost the end of the conversation when she said "i couldnt stay there over night cuz then youd think im gonna come back"i didnt say anything. i mentioned a wall that i am gonna build between the living room and kitchen.i told her i figured how much it was gonna cost to build it.she was real interested in how i was gonna do it so i started to tell her what i was gonna do.and then she starts to mention how she wants it and before she could say it i said i was gonna put a window in it so you could pass stuff from room to room.and she says "ya id love that":confused:then she mentions converting the porch into a room but i told her i couldnt add on to the house cuz the landlord wont let me.and she says"well the kids really need thier own rooms".i told her "i told you before we could could convert the living room into our bedroom but i didnt know what we would do with the TV and other stuff"she says "i dont know either but we would figure it out"she was real interested in what i plan on doing to the house and also telling me what she wants to do with it. she has always said from the beginning that she doent want to get married again.but one day she asked me why i wouldnt ask her to marry me.i told her that i knew she doesnt want to get married.she says"well you could ask anyways,i might change my mind someday"so i did ask and gave her a ring.well every once in a while during an arguement she would say "well you wont marry me anyways"i told her every time that if she really wants to get maried i would do it.and she says"i dont want to get married anyways.ive told her many times that i would get married if that was what she really wanted.i told her that in the email last night.and she says "you wont marry me" i said yes i will and she says "no you wouldntcuz you never mentioned it".i told her why i never mentioned it" cause i know you dont want to".and again she says"you wouldnt do it"and i said "if you came to me tomorrow and said i want to get married, i would do it cause i love you"she went quiet after that and changed the subject again i can hear it in her voice that she wants to come back.i dont know if she wont cause im not calling everyday and begging her to or if its cause she doesnt know how to tell me she wants to.shes lettin out little hints here and there that she wants to come back.she telling me what she wants me to change wich im doing either way.but if she comes back from florida with a tattoo i am definately done with her.she knows how i feel about it.she keeps saying that shes gonna get it but i dont think she will cuz i know she still wants to be with me and she wont wanna lose me.she knows that if she gets a tatto that i am done with her.
thelucky7star Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 To be honest with you, this does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. I don't think either of you know whether or not you want to be together. You have been together for so long that it is what you are used to...and I think that is why you guys keep falling back into a relationship. My biggest advice to you would be to keep your distance for a while. Don't talk to her and try to avoid seeing her as much as possible. I know that is hard because you have a child together, but 'no contact' does help you think clearly. She seems to be very confused and I think the distance will help her decide what she really wants. Best of luck to you....
Author fordman95 Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 well i know what i want.ive been waiting 8 years for her to tell me she is ready to get married.i never pushed it or say anything cuz i figured she would let me know when it was time.but everytime she says"you wont marry me anyways" and i say yes i will,lets go do it she says no.what i think the issue is with her is(and i could wrong but doubt it)her family and friends.her family hasnt liked me since day 1 cuz i want to have a bussiness and will not get a "regular"job.they never took the time to get to know me.her friends dont like me cuz all she ever did was tell them the bad about me,never the good.again they never cared to get to know me.every time she does this we get back together and i find out that either her friends,her family and even her counselor told her to do it.i can tell from her eyes and her voice that this was not her idea and is not what she wanted.she cant come up with a reason why she did it or why she wont come back.its either she dont want to break the lease on the apartment,she dont want to listen to her family about it,or she dont like certain things that i do,wich im takeing care of those issues so now she hasnt used that excuse.i just dont know what to do or say to make her realize that this isnt what she wanted. i sent her a couple of comments on her myspace page.i got a call 20 minutes ago from her saying thank you for the comments.and then it was 10 minutes of silence other than asking if i will miss her when she goes to florida.i said of course i will,i miss you now.but the one thing that will totally end it is if she comes back with a tattoo.im not sure if she will go through with it or not.shes been dropping little hints in the emails,IMs,phone calls and the myspace page that she still wants me.she knows if she gets a tattoo we are definately finished.i will never talk to her again if she does.only contact she will get from me is when i want to see my son.wich probably wont be much cuz i cant take care of him and with some f the work i do i cant have him in the trucks with me.
Author fordman95 Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 well she calls this morning and asked if i wanted to go for breakfast with her.i havent eatin in 3 days so i said ok.well on the way to the place she reaches over and grabs my hand to hold it.so i let her.just had a light conversation while eating.she wanted to talk about the marriage thing.she thinks im jokeing and wont marry her.with the most straightest face and most serious look i told her i would if its what she wanted.well on the way back to my house she moves everything off the middle of the seat and gets right next to me.she put her hand on my leg and head on my shoulder.i rubbed her leg a little.back at the house we were on the couch and she says "well youre not saying much"i said "what am i supposed to say,what do you want me to say?" and she says "say whatever you want to say hunny"i told her ive already said what i had to say. well she starts heading into the bedroom to visit the dog.well shes waveing me to follow her.so i did we layed on the bed.she was petting and talking to the dog,i was just laying there.then she comes over and puts her head on my chest.so i rubbed her head and back and stuff.we kissed a little.she made some moves of her own and you know what happens next.well before that she was breathing heavy,had a sad look on her face so i asked what was wrong.she said nothings wrong.i know better,there was something bothering her but she wouldnt tell me.i dont know if she wanted me to say or do something or if she wanted to say or do something.and if she wanted me to say or do something,i dont know what it is that she wants.after we get done we went and sat on the couch and had a smoke.well again she layed her head on my so i of course rubbed her head and belly. i can tell from her eyes,face and voice that she is on the edge of comeing back.i just dont know what to do or say to give her the push she needs to fall off.she calls me and it will be silent for 45 minutes.but she just sits there listening like she is waiting for me to say a certain something but again i dont know what she wants me to say.
Author fordman95 Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 well i really screwed up.i dont know what to do to fix it. well three days agao i get an instant message from here.she hasnt talked to me for a day or 2 before that.well shes trying to talk about thing thats her sister and her sisters boyfriend bob had said to me.they told me alot of things.and cuz it was mostly bad things about the ex that they told me,i told the ex what they said.well now they didnt say anything to me,im a liar,im makeing everything up.well the ex was trying to push my buttons for some reason,i really dont know why.but it wasnt working in the instant messages so she called me.and kept it up.i knew i shouldnt have answered the phone or i shouldve just hung up on her before it happened.well she hung up on me.and well she got the result that she wanted.back to the instant message,i finished by telling her to F off and i hoped she died and called her the C word and a liar.she knew if she pushed the right buttons that i would do something like that.she knows i dont mean it. ok after that i get a phone call from Bob.i answered,told him to go F himself and die and hung up.well he called again and left a message telling me to stop harassing her,stop calling her,stop leaving threatening messages,said she was gonna get restraining orders and child support and he was gonna have me arrested himself. ive only called her 4 times.1,to tell her half the bunkbeds were supposed to stay with me cuz i payed for half of them,2 to tell her the vcr she took was mine,3,i missed her cal and called her right back,4,again i missed her call and called her right back.all instant messages were started by her.i never IMed her till she initiated the conversation.i did send some emails about my feelings and some web pages to look at about the mental issues i believe i have.only threat i made was if she got a tattoo that we were definately over and done with and not to talk to me. well since she is only telling her sister and bob half the story and whatever she wanted them to know i sent a ton of emails to her sister.i sent her every instant message conversation,every email i sent the ex and the ex sent me.i have also recorded the phone calls in a private message and sent it to myself on another site.i sent her all those as well.and i probably shouldnt have done it but itold the sister where the ex has been 2 mondays in a row,here haveing sex with me.i told her how it started.well i addressed all the emails to her sister and the ex. i get an email from bob telling me to stop lying about him and the sister.said they never told me anything.told me i should forward everything i have to him.so i did again i addressed the emails to him and the ex.i also forwarded his email to the ex so she could see it.well i get another email from bob basically saying the same thing.forwarded it to the ex.and i sent a long email back.i explained everything she has been doing and saying to me.explained exactly what happened on the 2 mondays.he claims he is my friend.well i told him that if he was a true friend he would tell the ex the truth.i told him him "i have nothing to gain from lieing and they have everything to lose by lieing"wich is true.told him that "karma is a bitch and its gonna come for them and when it does they are gonna get hit hard"i also said"the truth is gonna come out and i hope its soon.when it does i hope the ex doesnt get hurt too bad"i also appoligized for what i had said that night.i also addressed this email to the ex. well she hasnt talked me since that night.she has taken me off of her friends list on myspace yesterday.she has read the emails.i can check the status of them on AOL when i send them to another AOL member.i keep trying to think that maybe somehow this is a good thing and maybe she is starting to realise who is telling the truth,maybe she is starting to realise that she is makeing a mistake.maybe she will come back soon. anybody have any idea what she might be thinking?can anybody point me in the right direction.might she be trying to figure what she got herself into?the answers are right in front of her and in her heart.why dont she it?why wont she listen to her heart?she knows in heart that i didnt make anything up and i know.but she wont admit it.i know why she doesnt want to admit it or believe me,it was her sister that said the stuff. sorry it so long and thanx for any insight you can give me.
dbtmarley Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Fordman, Listen... I am sure someone will come along with some advice for you, someone who can relate to you story. That someone will tell you, "Hey man my wife is the same way, the ungrateful B&*^(!!!" Here is my take though.... The two of you need to break up. Get your VCR that YOU paid for. It's yours right? You paid for half of this or half of that.. You bought her everything you thought she wanted ever wanted. What YOU thought she wanted!! Now how does the lil C*** show her appreciation to her master... errr I mean husband? She goes to Miami Ink to get tattooed by some freaking guy that smells of vagina from weeks before.. Dude... I don't know her story, but I do know this. From your very own carefully typed out words here... I can tell you are a controlling person. I bet the reason she does not work is not because she does not have to, but because you will not let her! She is not your property... and guess what? While some individuality goes out the door when you get married, she is still an individual!! What you have written here speaks volumes my friend. I only hope that you can see it too. This is not a healthy relationship. I will say this though, I have got to hand it to you for being so brutally honest about yourself. Thomas
Author fordman95 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 the reason for her not working is partly because i dont want her to.but shealways says "i dont want to work"she has always said that she wanted to stay home and raise the children.i said thats fine.but the other part is that she says "if i work i am keeping the money for myself and you still have to pay all the bills" well if thats how its gonna be then she aint workin.she mentions she likes or wants something,i get it for her.yes i am controlling in some ways but so is she.the thing about the tattoo,i have every right to be the way i am about it.sitting here watching my parents die because of one aint fun.i dont care how much things have changed with the way they are done im not changeing my feelings about it.i had 2 piercings that i took out because she didnt like them.i have given up and gotten rid of a lot of things for her cuz she told me too.there are only a few things that i ask of her.
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