beachlover Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 One of my exes has come back into my life unexpectedly, last time I talked to him he was going to try and make it work with his ex because they have a trip planned/paid, he flat out told me that he had every intention of making it through the trip then ending things for good. He called me last night from a bar wanting to see me (I hadn't talked to him in 3 months), so I let him come to my apartment. I was under the impression that he had broken up with his ex again and was coming back to me, just as I had thought would happen (I just thought it would happen after their trip which is still a month away). I was afraid to ask about her and he didn't offer any information. As we were falling asleep his phone rang (at 4am!) and it was her, he didn't answer but told me who it was. He admitted that he was still with her, and that he didn't know why because he isn't happy being with her and hasn't been since they got back together 3 months ago. Am I crazy to want to keep this going with him when I know full well he has a girlfriend? I know that if he were to break up with her and start a relationship with me he would probably just cheat on me, but I am not looking for or expecting a relationship, I am just having fun.
jcster Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Am I crazy to want to keep this going with him when I know full well he has a girlfriend? I know that if he were to break up with her and start a relationship with me he would probably just cheat on me, but I am not looking for or expecting a relationship, I am just having fun. Maybe you're not crazy....but WHY? Why would you put yourself through this? Even if you don't want a "relationship" with this guy - is the sex worth it? You guys broke up for a reason, true? He's cheating on his current girlfriend - why in the world would you even want to talk to this guy? Aren't there plenty of nice, non-cheating guys out there in the world? Find one of those that you might at least want the option of having a relationship (or at least, a friendship) with.
Star Gazer Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Even assuming he does leave his GF, why would you want to start off a relationship with this guy in this manner? A foundation of a relationship should not be distrust and lies.
Author beachlover Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Maybe you're not crazy....but WHY? Why would you put yourself through this? Even if you don't want a "relationship" with this guy - is the sex worth it? You guys broke up for a reason, true? He's cheating on his current girlfriend - why in the world would you even want to talk to this guy? Aren't there plenty of nice, non-cheating guys out there in the world? Find one of those that you might at least want the option of having a relationship (or at least, a friendship) with. I don't know why, I wish I did, the only reason is that I am having fun with him, and the sex is that great. The whole reason we broke up is because his ex came back and was causing drama, there was nothing wrong between him and I, it just so happened that when his ex came back I was getting really busy and really didn't have time to see him because I am taking 22 credits and finishing my senior project this quarter (which is now basically over, I have a few tests next week then I am done). I am sure that there are plenty of non-cheating guys in the world, I just haven't met any recently, there is just something about this guy that I can't stay away from.
Author beachlover Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Even assuming he does leave his GF, why would you want to start off a relationship with this guy in this manner? A foundation of a relationship should not be distrust and lies. I don't think we will start a relationship again, I could be wrong but I don't see it happening again, if it were to happen again it wouldn't be any time soon. I'm pretty sure the only one he is lying to is his gf, he has been brutally honest with me.
oppath Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Why would you even want to be friends with someone who lies to someone he is supposedly close too? And if he is willing to lie to his girlfriend, he will lie to you too.
Star Gazer Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I don't think we will start a relationship again, Then what are you doing? You wanna just screw over his GF?? And you're lying to yourself if you think he's lying to everyone but you.
jcster Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 The whole reason we broke up is because his ex came back and was causing drama, there was nothing wrong between him and I... So what you are saying is that this is a long term strategy of his - bouncing from ex, to new woman, to ex. If there was "nothing wrong" between him and you in the first place, his ex wouldn't have caused a problem in your relationship. ..there is just something about this guy that I can't stay away from. It's the drama. You're addicted to the drama with this guy. The sex is great because it's dramatic. He tells you he's done with the previous girlfriend (without actually breaking up to her) and he comes to you because you have "something" between you...he can be "honest" with you...and the sex is great...and you feel important because his girlfriend calls at 4 am and he blows her off because he's there with you. You're living in your own private movie. But the problem with a movie is that it's pure escapist fiction - it's not real life. Fiction=lie on the deepest level. Don't ever believe that he's not lying to you. He's lying to everyone else in his life. He's just telling you what you need to hear to believe him, and you want to believe him because it's better than the alternative. Your mission, if you ever want to get out of this inevitably unsatisfying relationship, is to find out why you want to believe him.
Author beachlover Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Then what are you doing? You wanna just screw over his GF?? And you're lying to yourself if you think he's lying to everyone but you. If I had any say in the matter him and I would get back together, but I don't think that will happen because his gf won't go away, she didn't even go away when they weren't together.
Author beachlover Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 So what you are saying is that this is a long term strategy of his - bouncing from ex, to new woman, to ex. If there was "nothing wrong" between him and you in the first place, his ex wouldn't have caused a problem in your relationship. It's the drama. You're addicted to the drama with this guy. The sex is great because it's dramatic. He tells you he's done with the previous girlfriend (without actually breaking up to her) and he comes to you because you have "something" between you...he can be "honest" with you...and the sex is great...and you feel important because his girlfriend calls at 4 am and he blows her off because he's there with you. You're living in your own private movie. But the problem with a movie is that it's pure escapist fiction - it's not real life. Fiction=lie on the deepest level. Don't ever believe that he's not lying to you. He's lying to everyone else in his life. He's just telling you what you need to hear to believe him, and you want to believe him because it's better than the alternative. Your mission, if you ever want to get out of this inevitably unsatisfying relationship, is to find out why you want to believe him. The only thing that was wrong between us when we broke up was that she was literally stalking me/us. She knew where I went to school (same as him) showed up there and tried to figure out which girl I was she didn't succeed so she found me on myspace by knowing a few possibilities of my what my first name could be (must have taken her a while since I have a common name and live in a big city), started sending me threatening messages (I never responded), figured out where I work (haven't figured out how she did that), figured out where I live (possibly followed me home, or followed him to my apartment one night) and one night stood outside my balcony yelling at me and him and telling him how much she loved him at 3am, and he wasn't even here at the time. All of this when they were broken up. I got fed up with all of the drama and told him I didn't want to be part of it. If she wasn't around I can bet that we would still be together. I know why I want to believe him... he was there when I was going through the worst part of my life thus far, he helped me get through it and kept me caught up in school (in a program that is competitive and no one helps anyone for fear that the person they helped would get ahead of them), he is the first guy who has cared what I wanted to do and didn't push me for sex, in fact he waited for about 6 months. I trust him, maybe I am stupid to do so, but he doesn't care if I look at his phone or email, doesn't hide things from me, he doesn't care when I call him and will answer almost every time, usually when he doesn't answer he is working. I would be hypocritical to tell him not to go on this trip with her because I did the exact same thing with my ex last year. I found out he cheated on me, then stayed with him (as far as anyone could tell looking in) for 3 months until the trip we had paid over $2000 to take was over, we broke up the day after we got back. I was not doing anything with my ex during that 3 month period, but I was not seeing someone else either.
socialight Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 like a bunch of alchohol fueled college whoring around by all parties involved.
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