IWALH Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 This is all going to sound very awful and weird... I have a feeling his W is in on the whole thing. Read my other post for background on the situation. They all came down here (MM, his wife and their 2 kids) last weekend for my daughter's (his daughter also, she was conceived during our initial "affair" in 2005) 1st birthday and we all hung out the majority of the weekend. They invited me to their hotel 2 of the 3 nights they were down here and we all spent the day together at the beach on Memorial Day. Very very very weird situation. We had sex at the hotel. Both nights. One night she was in the other room because it was a 2 room suite, the second night was in the same room with only half a wall dividing the bed she was sleeping on and the couch we were on. She was sleeping on the bed with their daughter and he was sleeping on the bed with their son but came to the couch with me to do that. (By the way, I know it was VERY VERY HORRIBLE to do that.... but there's a lot more to the story... not that it justifies it or anything) Anyway, I just don't see how she could sleep through that. Other things have made me fishy too. I have a very strong feeling that she is in on it. I don't think she minds if we have sex just as long as that's it. I mean this woman buys him subscriptions to playboy, has had a threesome with him in the past and used to work at a strip club with him. And I'm thinking maybe he is telling her that's all it is (just sex) and he isn't telling her that he's telling me he is leaving in August. Or maybe he is telling her that he is telling me he is leaving in August and she thinks it's funny that I believe him and they are both going to be standing there laughing at me in a few months. *sigh* This is so wrong and so dramatic and so complicated. I don't know what to think. All I know is I have a STRONG GUT FEELING that she is in on everything and knows about the phone calls (but why would he call me from payphones?) and about us getting together and what he's telling me about August. My gut is usually right. My mother tells me I am being paranoid. He is telling me the same thing. But I just don't know.... I guess we'll find out in August, eh? If I am right.... it is going to be beyond devastating. But don't worry... I know it's exactly what I deserve.... Does it seem plausible???
Citizen Erased Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Perhaps you just want her to be in on it so you can deal with your guilt.
Author IWALH Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Perhaps you just want her to be in on it so you can deal with your guilt. Hmm.... I didn't think about that.... But how would that help me deal with my guilt??
Melovator Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I guess it would help you deal with your guilt because if she's in on it, then you're the one who's been betrayed, not her. It is pretty suss though to have sex with you while she's so close- if there wasn't a child int he bed with her I might suggest she WAS getting off on it. Some people do excited about that sort of thing- but with children in the room? Its a bit yicky if they're playing those games while the kids are around. So like you said you've got no idea what's going on unless and until he leaves her. Either way he's playing head games with you by having sex like that, because of course you're going to feel uncomfortable about it afterwards. If he loves you he wouldn't put you in a position where you have to feel bad about yourself.
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 And I'm thinking maybe he is telling her that's all it is (just sex) and he isn't telling her that he's telling me he is leaving in August. Or maybe he is telling her that he is telling me he is leaving in August and she thinks it's funny that I believe him and they are both going to be standing there laughing at me in a few months. Or, is it possible that he has no intention of telling her anything, that he is just telling you he's leaving in August to keep you around. Never say never.... Anyway, needless to say, this situation is weird!
movinon05 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I just read your original story. And given everything she knows, I can't believe you guys all shared the same space and didn't have separate rooms! She trusts him that much? Oh yes, this is all very weird! I can see why you're thinking this way!
Lizzie60 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 is that you were having sex while his kid was close by... Now this is disgusting...
justagirliegirl Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 It is disgusting. I have no idea why you would have sex with him with other people(wife and kids) in the room? Were you all drunk or something? Why didn't you just say no to him?
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 This is so wrong and so dramatic and so complicated. I don't know what to think. All I know is I have a STRONG GUT FEELING that she is in on everything and knows about the phone calls (but why would he call me from payphones?) and about us getting together and what he's telling me about August. My gut is usually right. Because she really doesn't know. Remember, MM are masters at lying, he's lied to her so many times, lied to you in the past, so why would he change it all up now? Take a step back and see the full picture. If this was your bestfriend going through this, what would you tell her?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 is that you were having sex while his kid was close by... Now this is disgusting... Ok, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Lizzie. This man gets off on risk taking. It has nothing to do with love and not even as much to do with sex. This is not someone you want to spend your life with. If you're really really lucky, August will never happen. He also really likes playing with people. I know someone very much like this, steer clear, or you will be dragged into his antics... Really, how could you not say, this is wrong, the kids are here, your wife is right there, I mean if that is how you felt. You couldn't speak up????
Author IWALH Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 I know it's disgusting. I have been trying to think of ways to justify it and none of them are good enough. I do love him.... I believe he does love me. I do think he likes the risk-taking but I also think he truly loves me. This situation just... sucks. But can you see why I think she is in on it? I really think she is. Yep, she knows. So do his kids. Way to go... Do you seriously think so??
norajane Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 IWALH? I Want A Loving Husband? I'm sorry, but that is not what you'll be getting with this guy, even if "August" weren't just another lie. Look at the way he treats his wife, and then consider whether he's the kind of man who has any integrity or honor, or knows the meaning of loving. Look at the way he treats you, and consider whether he knows the meaning of loving, or has any respect for either you or his wife. Look at the way he treats his children - having sex with OW while they and their mother are nearby - and consder whether he knows anything about loving or caring for others. He lied to you about his divorce way back when you first started this affair, he's fully capable of lying to his wife - as you already know. I don't think she knows what you two are up to. You said you really like and respect his wife. Do you really believe she would put her children in the midst of a situation where her H is having sex in the next room with his OW?
Author IWALH Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 IWALH? I Want A Loving Husband? I'm sorry, but that is not what you'll be getting with this guy, even if "August" weren't just another lie. Look at the way he treats his wife, and then consider whether he's the kind of man who has any integrity or honor, or knows the meaning of loving. Look at the way he treats you, and consider whether he knows the meaning of loving, or has any respect for either you or his wife. Look at the way he treats his children - having sex with OW while they and their mother are nearby - and consder whether he knows anything about loving or caring for others. He lied to you about his divorce way back when you first started this affair, he's fully capable of lying to his wife - as you already know. I don't think she knows what you two are up to. You said you really like and respect his wife. Do you really believe she would put her children in the midst of a situation where her H is having sex in the next room with his OW? IWALH= I will always love him.... My brain tells me all these things that you just said. But my heart believes EVERYTHING he tells me. And when the two battle... my heart always wins. I don't know. I don't exactly see everything all perfect and peachy when/if we do finally get together. I don't know that I could trust him completely..... but I know I will try. I have never felt for anyone the way I feel for him. And the things he says to me.... it's like candy to my ears... I don't know. I do respect and like her... though my actions make it not look so. I am just so caught up in something awful and I am kind of stuck right now. At least until August.... Then I can move on with my life, either way.
torranceshipman Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Come on - this guy is a TOTAL sleaze. He is having sex with another women in the SAME ROOM as his kids, an his wife. HOW do you know the kids didnt see or hear something? Any idea, whatsoever, of the damage that could do to a kid, knowing their dad is doing something like that with another person, and not their mom? Seriously, that's very worrying. The whole thing is sick...and I'm not having a go at you AT ALL, I'm having ago at that disgusting sleaze of an MM that has hooked you into doing something you feel low about, and treating you, his W and his kids wth an unbelievable lack of respect. LOSER with a capital L. Sleazy beyond contemplation. No honesty or integrity. Come on girl, get out now, the last thing you want is to end up with a guy like this. I bet you wouldn't have EVER considered sinking to a low such as this, if he wasn't in the picture....nasty guy! Run!!!
norajane Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 IWALH= I will always love him.... My brain tells me all these things that you just said. But my heart believes EVERYTHING he tells me. And when the two battle... my heart always wins. I don't know. I don't exactly see everything all perfect and peachy when/if we do finally get together. I don't know that I could trust him completely..... but I know I will try. I have never felt for anyone the way I feel for him. And the things he says to me.... it's like candy to my ears... I don't know. I do respect and like her... though my actions make it not look so. I am just so caught up in something awful and I am kind of stuck right now. At least until August.... Then I can move on with my life, either way. What, exactly, is supposed to happen in August? Has he spoken to a lawyer? Is he going to file in August? Why not file now? Is he going to tell his wife he wants a divorce in August? Why not tell her now? Is he moving out in August? If he has yet to talk to a lawyer or make any plans for leaving his wife (like finding and leasing an apartment), and you don't have any specific information regarding this August timeframe and what his reasons are for waiting until then, I suggest you prepare yourself for more lies and excuses from him.
Author IWALH Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 If he has yet to talk to a lawyer or make any plans for leaving his wife (like finding and leasing an apartment), and you don't have any specific information regarding this August timeframe and what his reasons are for waiting until then, I suggest you prepare yourself for more lies and excuses from him. He works outdoors and his only weekdays off are when it rains. It hasn't rained in months (serious droughts because of it) and he said that when it rains he will have the chance to talk to a lawyer. It's supposed to rain in the area this week so he is going to talk to one probably this week. He is waiting until August because he wants to make sure things end peacefully with his wife because he doesn't want her to contest the divorce and then things end up costing a BUNCH of money. They aren't exactly very rich and from what I understand they kind of live paycheck to paycheck. He also has insurance with his job right now and they kind of job he is going to go back to when they divorce (DJing) doesn't offer that. He has a hernia and needs to get it taken care of before he leaves and doesn't have the insurance anymore. He won't be working at that same job anymore because it's his father-in-law's company. He said that the busy season is over after July 4th, so things will start falling into place very quickly after then. We'll see, I guess...
torranceshipman Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I agree totally with Norajane...this guy has no intentions of leaving his W in August - it seems like a totally random date and as Norajane has pointed out...if he planned on leaving, he'd be making the necessary arrangements now, and I'm betting he hasn't done a thing. I hope to God, for your sake, that he doesn't leave his W for you, as he sounds like a horrible person and I wouldn't wish a guy like this on anyone. I feel sorry for his poor W and even worse for his kids that they've been unwittingly landed with such a lying sleazebag. You can't love this guy, surely. Maybe its totally misguided infatuation - hey, I've been there myself - but not love, surely, as this guy sounds so awful! Having sex on a couch near his kids and W? COME ON!!! I thought I ws totally into a guy who was claiming he was leaving his long term girlfriend, but when Ifound out what a liar and cheat he really was, man, I couldn't run fast enough. I still have to work with him and I look at him now and thing-eughhh what a sleaze...I genuinely can't believe I let that thing touch me! You'll think the same way about this guy someday, I'm sure....
HennyPenny Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 If you're pretty sure the wife could hear and know what's going on, isn't it safe to assume the kids did, too? How does this kind of thing even happen? Can we at least consider the mental health of innocent children before we get our rocks off next time?
Seen_It_All Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 ....and he said that when it rains he will have the chance to talk to a lawyer.You have simply GOT to be kidding. Don't be surprised when it finally DOES rain and he comes up with an excuse as to why he didn't go to a lawyer's - like he couldn't get an appt. for a rainy day. OMG..I honestly think I've heard it ALL, now. I'm not even going to touch on your having sex just feet away from his wife and kid. Suffice it to say this guy is so utterly repulsive that for your sake, I hope it never rains again where you live. But then again, seeing a lawyer on a rainy day is just another of his many lies so I guess it doesn't matter anyway, does it?
vanilla chai Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I just can't wrap my mind around how you can sleep with this woman's husband right under her nose. Also do you really think he gonna leave to be with you?
MrsHellFire Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Being a "risk-taker" doesn't even fully encompass the personality and behavior here. He has no respect or love for anyone involved. I even question how he feels about the kids. He's incredibly selfish to put you into this situation.. to be that selfish, you need to be a very good liar to get what you want. He's stringing you and his wife along for a ride.
norajane Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 He is waiting until August because he wants to make sure things end peacefully with his wife because he doesn't want her to contest the divorce and then things end up costing a BUNCH of money. And why will things with his wife end peacefully in August? She won't be upset in August? She'll want to contest the divorce if he tells her now that he wants a divorce, but in August, she'll be a-ok with it?
torranceshipman Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 You know what....when the guy is humping his OW a few feet from his kids, and couldn't give a crap if the kids see or hear what he is doing...doesn't this tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about this guy? I mean, seriously? He prioritises getting off, over his kids' mental health...he couldn't care less if they see or hear anything because hey, he's getting his rocks off. If he feels that little for his kids and his wife...how do you really think he feels about you? And not meeting his lawyer because of rain?! This is ridiculous. 1
Author IWALH Posted June 4, 2007 Author Posted June 4, 2007 You know what....when the guy is humping his OW a few feet from his kids, and couldn't give a crap if the kids see or hear what he is doing...doesn't this tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about this guy? I mean, seriously? He prioritises getting off, over his kids' mental health...he couldn't care less if they see or hear anything because hey, he's getting his rocks off. If he feels that little for his kids and his wife...how do you really think he feels about you? And not meeting his lawyer because of rain?! This is ridiculous. I know it sounds AWFUL, it is pretty bad.... but the kids weren't really that close and they were fast asleep.... blah, I don't know... How else will he meet with a lawyer if he works all during the day every week day? For his father-in-law and with his brother in laws and son (other son from his first marriage who is 21). He can't go to a lawyer because he hasn't had a day off other than sundays when law offices are closed. I've been doing some divorce research and I found one who does consultations by phone...next time MM calls I will tell him about that guy.
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