ALRIGHT!! MEN..tell us what your emotional needs are

[pricillia]

Maybe it is at different levels, but men and women have many of the same emotional needs..

 

To be loved

To be shown compassion

To be listened to and understood

To feel wanted in a passionate way

To be needed...

 

To feel secure

 

I could go on...

 

 

and I left out it is just that we communicate them in a different way

[SouthernT]

See what I mean? You're gooooood! You could almost convince a guy.

 

But it's just you're genes wanting you to confirm that he is - or is not strong.

 

If he takes your bait and waxes weak - you're genes will shut down the chemistry.

 

But if he waxes strong - you're genes will release hormones making you horney.

 

ok this is a problem to me. Why is it that when a woman is being both sincere and REAL, men think there is "something" behind like it's some sort of test or something? Why is it so hard to simply surrender and let us teach you how to love?

[Touche]

ok this is a problem to me. Why is it that when a woman is being both sincere and REAL, men think there is "something" behind like it's some sort of test or something? Why is it so hard to simply surrender and let us teach you how to love?

 

I don't agree with that. Why should men "surrender?" I certainly don't want to surrender. And who says we should teach them how to love? Shouldn't they already know that? Did you mean teach them how to love YOUR way?

 

This is where so many women have a problem I think. Why try to change men's natures? Can't they be loved for who they are the way that they naturally are?

[SouthernT]

[/b] And who says we should teach them how to love? Shouldn't they already know that? Did you mean teach them how to love YOUR way?

 

Right, I mean for a woman to show her man the way that SHE wants to be loved.

[SadForever]

My girlfriend and I regularly discuss our feelings and quite regularly expose to her all of my emotions. But it is not in the spirit of neediness. It's just that we have a level of trust. If you can't share your thoughts with your girlfriend then who can you? It is not out of neediness. It is just the way it is.

 

that is good to hear and I agree completely.

[ilmw]

This thread got me thinking... and I was reminded of this:

 

This little song was my resume' for all I wanted in a relationship. It hasn't really changed much.. I just know what I will and will not except... boundaries... etc

 

 

I want somebody to share

Share the rest of my life

Share my innermost thoughts

Know my intimate details

Someone who'll stand by my side

And give me support

And in return

She'll get my support

She will listen to me

When I want to speak

About the world we live in

And life in general

Though my views may be wrong

They may even be perverted

She will hear me out

And won't easily be converted

To my way of thinking

In fact she'll often disagree

But at the end of it all

She will understand me

 

I want somebody who cares

For me passionately

With every thought and with every breath

Someone who'll help me see things

In a different light

All the things I detest

I will almost like

I don't want to be tied

To anyone's strings

I'm carefully trying to steer clear

Of those things

But when I'm asleep

I want somebody

Who will put their arms around me

And kiss me tenderly

Though things like this

Make me sick

In a case like this

I'll get away with it

 

Depeche mode (somebody)

[GregsBad]

ok this is a problem to me. Why is it that when a woman is being both sincere and REAL, men think there is "something" behind like it's some sort of test or something? Why is it so hard to simply surrender and let us teach you how to love?

Now you sound like the Borg an it's frightening me.

 

But it IS tempting .... You will be gentle won't you?

[GregsBad]

Right, I mean for a woman to show her man the way that SHE wants to be loved.

 

OH! Well YES! I thought you meant something else.

 

And I'm serious with this next ...

 

For me? I not only want to know - I NEED to know.

I would want her to show me everything that I haven't already figured out.

 

I'm not only talking sex (I am of course keep sex primary) but I need to know a world of stuff about what makes her happy. I want her to be happy. And I want to be the one to do it.

[DanielMadr]

It is funny. Most girls (not only here) will tell you to spit out your emotions and your needs at will, which means to spit out 'how you need HER', 'how you love her' as much as often, in which case you are fullfilling their needs Eventhough the question was what our needs are;)

 

Scientific fact: When one girl in a experiment went for changing her sex and was on testosterone therapy, she experienced several problems:

1. her stamina increased

2. she wasnt able to recognize/name her emotions anymore

 

Men are hardened and dont have many needs. They are the one who are the standby to their SO and Co. Men dont spit emotions, its dangerous. When you do it in mens world you can get stabbed. And more so in womens world.

[DanielMadr]

Exactly...for some reason men (some) think that it shows weakness to admit some of this stuff. It doesnt make you any less of a man. We as women don't look it as a weakness. It's quite opposite. We appreciate the heck out of it. Having emotional needs does not mean being emotionally dependent. It's a human need, not male vs. female.

 

So my next question would be, for those of you who were MAN enough to admit that you have these needs, in what ways have you taken the time to communicated your needs to you partner in current/past relationships? Men communicate in such indirect ways sometimes, and it makes it difficult for a woman to pick up on your needs.

 

Here is the proof. Only emotion your woman is interested in is the emotion of THE NEED OF HER, which is actually her emotional need. Pretty selfish aint?

 

And yes you do look at it as a weakness. Once the emotions cross the line of 'You have me in your pocket' there is sudden loss of attraction. And rightly so. You cant lean on a man who is trying to lean on you the same weight. Being adored and listening to your man pouring his heart out to you makes you happy no doubt (who wouldnt be) but it has nothing to do with the feeling of security. Once he is leaning on you....when you break who will catch you?

 

As you need to hear that you are loved, needed, appreciated etc. time to time, he needs the same. Some more, some less. On the basis if a woman can meet those needs, she is clasied as Giver or a Taker.

 

Learn how to compliment your man. Your sole presence is not enough.

[DanielMadr]

I also wanted to add that some men don't even know what "it" is that they need, all they know is that they need "something" and they get frustrated when they are not getting this "something" So it's just my opninion that maybe you should take the time to ask and answer these questions for yourselves. Once you figure it out for yourself, then it makes it 10 times easier to communicate your need to your girl. If you cant even answer you own question about what your needs are, then HOW do you expect a woman to pick up on it? (And don't get me wrong, this goes for BOTH sexes.)

 

So much for the "womans empathy". If you with all your "intuition" dont know whats going on, how could a man? They at least know to bring flowers now and then

 

Once you have to ASK for your needs to be fullfilled it loose its worth. It should be spontaneous.

So Mrs. Robot her is your programme:

 

We need pat on the back. That you appreciate out efforts.

 

Hug. That you love us.

 

Tell us we are our brave tiger. That you find us manly.

 

Sandwich. That you care.

 

And peace....it means you be quiet for a minute and share the silence. That you respect us.

 

And at least pretend for a while everything is perfect. Self-explanatory.

[Topper]

Maybe it is at different levels, but men and women have many of the same emotional needs..

 

To be loved

To be shown compassion

To be listened to and understood

To feel wanted in a passionate way

To be needed...

 

To feel secure

 

I could go on...

 

Wxcellent post Percillia! as others have said men just communicate those needs in diffrent ways then womaen do.

[DanielMadr]

Here is complete guide SouthernT and I think it should be enough:

A guide to treating your man right

 

By AngelPagel

 

As a very important caveat to this post: Please, please only do these things if you man treats you right as well. If you are dating a guy that lies, cheats, steals, ignores you, hits you, puts you down, etc, don’t follow this guideline. Dump him because you deserve better.

 

I’ve seen a problem developing on the boards and in real life about romance. So often it is the man dishing it out and the woman taking it. “How do I treat a girl I am dating?” or “How do I get my boyfriend to be more romantic?” are heard quite frequently.

 

Most of the romance talk is focused on the man creating the romance. And, from my experience, this is not how a good relationship should function.

 

Often, romance is viewed like this:

 

Girl: Treat me special, take me on nice dates, surprise me with flowers, keep our relationship exciting.

Guy: OK

 

But really, here is how it should be:

 

Girl: Since Bill took me on that great camping trip last weekend, I am going to surprise him with tickets to the game when his team is in town.

Guy: Wow, that game was really great. I am going to make Jane a special dinner tonight and have it ready when she comes home from work.

Girl: Yum, thanks for that great dinner, how 'bout I give you a great massage.

 

So, to try and close the romance gap, I decided to create this list of tried, true and field-tested ways to treat your man well. I am gearing it towards the ladies right now, but men should pay attention as well, because it can and does work for women as well. (That fact has also been tested and approved.)

 

 

1) Love yourself. Do not always depend on others as your complete source of love. Once you have self-love, self-respect and self-confidence flow from it. Then you can begin to share that love with others freely in a way that does not feed but enhances their love for themselves.

 

2) Don’t try to change him, love him for who he is. Pretty simple concept. Men are not blank canvasses, they are already works of art. With large issues, such as lifestyle or personality, you can’t change him. If he wants a woman who will stay at home and clean and you want to work, you need to rethink the relationship. If he never expresses his feelings for you and you want a guy who can talk the talk and walk the walk, you also have to think about ending it.

 

But, for smaller things, you can hopefully work it out. But, often, women try to change the small things by nagging. “Why do you have to watch sports on Sunday? Why do you have to go out for beers so much? Why can’t you do this, that or the other thing more (or less)?” (Lucky for me, I really like going out for beers, but not all women do.)

 

You have to realize that he enjoys doing things he likes just as you enjoy doing things you like. You have three choices to deal with this, and you should probably use a mix of both –

 

A) Occasionally join him and try to enjoy the things he likes as well.

B) Lead by example. Do the things for him that you want him to do for you. (See #4)

C) Do your own things during this time.

 

3) Which brings me to my third point. Give each other space to be individuals. He loves football and you hate it. So, you can take Sunday to go running with your friends or go to a museum. Although you are one in many things, you should both have your own interests as well. They add to your happiness and allow for breathing room.

 

4) Make your man feel special. This is basically the definition of ROMANCE, in my mind. You can’t be selfish in a relationship, always wanting your guy to make you feel like a queen. You have to remember that you have to make him feel like a King too. The key to this is IMAGINATION and THOUGHT.

 

Some of the things you can do are very small – like remembering to compliment him on his ideas or his body every once and awhile. He wants to know that you enjoy his company and also want his hot body. Or, remembering to kiss him hello each time you see him or squeezing his butt in an elevator. Or, making him a nice dinner. It is all about thinking of nice things to do and remembering to do them.

 

As far as big things go, gifts are great. Often it is the thought that is big but the gift is small. Often this gift can be big as well. As with small things, surprise and spontaneity can make or break a romantic gift. I’m not going to tell you what to buy a man, because you know your guy better than I. But, if he likes to cook by him a cookbook, if he likes to hike buy him a trail map and take him there. Surprise trips can also go in the great gift category.

 

5) Be positive and fun to be around. Obviously, no one is 100% perky all the time, but most often, you should be making each other happy, not sad, depressed, angry or hurt. Negative emotions often rub off on others. And being positive is a big part of creating happiness. A great way to be positive and happy is to laugh at yourself and not take every small thing so seriously. All this goes back to point #1 about loving yourself. You have to do that to be a positive person.

 

6) Forget about power. It has no place in a healthy relationship. Don’t try to hold up sex or anything else as a card in a power play. Once you develop true intimacy, honesty and trust in a relationship, it no longer becomes a game. Because, in a game, only one person wins. Having a good relationship is about both people winning.

 

7) Be enthusiastic about sex. Flirt with him, talk about how much you want him and initiate sex on a regular basis. Send him a steamy email or letter. Whisper in his ear at a party and go into a closet. Touch him frequently. A good sex life is based on both people really wanting each other. Imagination is key here as well.

 

8) Respect your man. Respecting his ideas, his needs and his wants should be important to you. You want him to respect you, so you have to respect him. Reciprocity is the key to healthy relationships in all matters, especially respect.

 

Whoa, sorry that was so long. But, I hope it helped.

[Trialbyfire]

Daniel, the only part I will make issue of is the following:

 

Girl: Since Bill took me on that great camping trip last weekend, I am going to surprise him with tickets to the game when his team is in town.

Guy: Wow, that game was really great. I am going to make Jane a special dinner tonight and have it ready when she comes home from work.

Girl: Yum, thanks for that great dinner, how 'bout I give you a great massage.

 

Notice how when the guy does something good for the girl, it's also something he enjoys, where the expectation is that the girl provides the guy something that's solely for his pleasure...

[Topper]

Who says girls don't enjoy camping? Maybe Bill hates camping and was doing it just for Jane! Bill is a little wimp who hates bugs and is afraid of Bears. Jane had to cuddle Bill all night to make him feel safe. Bill really wanted to stay in a nice BandB and go antiquing in Vermont

 

Bill could give Jane a nice message and bubble bath.

[Trialbyfire]

Mmmhmmm... I can see Jane making those wood chips fly with her own personal axe, one that she strops regularly to hone it to a fine edge. Her greatest challenge is to chop through the knots and tree boles...

[DanielMadr]

Daniel, the only part I will make issue of is the following:

 

 

Notice how when the guy does something good for the girl, it's also something he enjoys, where the expectation is that the girl provides the guy something that's solely for his pleasure...

 

I havent wrote that, some girl has. But when I meet her (and possibly marry her) I will tell her to be more accurate and careful when writing these advices......there are some superficial and paranoid women out there

[SadForever]

worth reading:

 

Men, women and emotions - or why he never tells you how he’s feeling!

 

http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/psychology_articles/men-women-emotions.html

[Topper]

Mmmhmmm... I can see Jane making those wood chips fly with her own personal axe, one that she strops regularly to hone it to a fine edge. Her greatest challenge is to chop through the knots and tree boles...

 

It's a designer axe by Ralph Lauren. Perfectly balanced made from the best Swedish steel. Comes with Matching leather case and logo and custom fit handle. No well dressed outdoors woman should be without one. matching boots and leather backpack sold separately.

[Art_Critic]

It's a designer axe by Ralph Lauren. Perfectly balanced made from the best Swedish steel. Comes with Matching leather case and logo and custom fit handle. No well dressed outdoors woman should be without one. matching boots and leather backpack sold separately.

 

 

All bought on sale .. no doubt

[Topper]

Ok lets just change this

Bill buys Jane tickets to the ballet. Jane loves the ballet, Bill is so-so on ballet. Bill likes seeing girls with great bodies leapinga round and getting all sweaty

Jane is is happy so....

Jane buys tickets to basketball play of games. Jane is OK with basket ball she likes to look at tall well muscled guys getting all sweaty.

NOW TBF ARE YOU HAPPY!!! :p:D:D

[Trialbyfire]

Ok lets just change this

Bill buys Jane tickets to the ballet. Jane loves the ballet, Bill is so-so on ballet. Bill likes seeing girls with great bodies leapinga round and getting all sweaty

Jane is is happy so....

Jane buys tickets to basketball play of games. Jane is OK with basket ball she likes to look at tall well muscled guys getting all sweaty.

NOW TBF ARE YOU HAPPY!!! :p:D:D

:lmao:

 

*runs and gets her Ralph Lauren axe and starts to strop*

[Topper]

I want to remind you this is not the Larina Bobbitt admiration society. Your making a lot of guys nervous sharpening that axe.

[Trialbyfire]

Oh, no, y'all are misunderstanding me. I'm getting ready for the 400th Annual Bole Chopping Championship next weekend. A good time to be had by all, with banjos serenading in the background and the smell of deepfried corn dogs permeating the air.

[reef man]

A spin off of my other thread....Men: Here's your oppurtunity to explain to us women what YOUR needs are. It's not all about our emotional needs all the time. We are very well aware that men are in need to. But alot of us don't get it. We are not by any means trying to say that men DONT have emotional needs. But we have no clue what they are and some men are terrible at communicating their needs outside of sex.

 

 

What? so yall women can have ammunition against us? Nothin' doin'!!!