Storyrider Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Is it true that men get many of their emotional needs met through sex? Isn't that why men feel so terrible when women withhold sex?
GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I also wouldn't say I have emotional needs as in "needy". But there things she can to thay make me happy. First, to sum it up, I want to feel like I'm a stud muffin to her. Here are some of the things (that I can think of) that she can do. Thinking of OTHER things I've left out would be nice too. First of all, I'm efficacious, sensitive, loving very sexy. So I'd like to be appreciated for that stuff - OK I'm funny as hell, and I'll tell her a new joke every moring. So I'd appreciate it if she'd laugh. Respect ... That's my job - I'll earn it. I take care of my self and would appreciate very much if she would frequently admire my ass and also if she would have a hard time keeping her hands off of me. I want to see her eyes dilate when I come near. I want her to be sensuous. I want to make her feel naughty and feel her squirm and wriggle in my arms while making her have orgasms. Talking dirty to me sometimes, would be nice. I'd like her to stay sexy, dress well, even look good in sweats and running shoes. Wear good fabrics, keep her hair nice, wear my favorite perfumes. Stay manicured and pedicured. Maybe one of those little flowers on her big toe. Those make me happy when I see them. I want her to be smart and have her own interesting things to tell me about each day. Learn to follow my lead when we dance. I'll glady cook (especially if she doesn't cook as well I do). But I'd appreciate it if she'll do her share around the house. I'd prefer dark hair ... or maybe an exceptional blonde. It would also be gratifying if she comes up with her own effectionate nick name for my penis. See, it's thoughtful things like that that can fill a guys emotional needs. So if she can manage all I've asked for, I'll be as happy as can be
Topper Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 What if it's not funny? Anyway, I haven't read the thread. Need to go back and read through it but I was thinking about my H and what I think his emotional needs are and I really couldn't come up with anything. He just likes a clean house. (Is that even an emotional need?) if you can't come up with any Maybe you and your H need to get in touch with each other. just a suggestion.
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 if you can't come up with any Maybe you and your H need to get in touch with each other. just a suggestion. Why? I mean if it ain't broke, you know.
RecordProducer Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 With my current girlfriend, I can’t recall any emotional “need” that I had to ask for. I’m very happy with her as things are. It seems like you can't define your emotional needs, which doesn't mean you don't have any. Okay, if I fall in love with someone and they do love me back, appreciate me and admire me; how are those needs?If you have a car, does that mean that you don't need a car? I need a car whether I have it or not. Now if I use the public transportation all the time, I might not need or even want one; so if I don't have it, I wouldn't crave for it. If you read the article that Art quoted, you'll see how needs are defined. If left unfulfilled, you feel frustrated. Just because your needs are pleased doesn't mean you don't have them anymore. You have a girfriend that loves you and now you're strong and don't need anything in life. What if she disappeared from your life? Wouldn't you crave what you had with her until you get it from someone else? I’m just saying that when I’m in a relationship and things are working, I have no needs. And then what? What if my girlfriend stopped admiring me? Would I go to her crying, “oh please admire me”? Or do I just come to terms that somehow I screwed up and try to fix whatever it is that made her stop admiring me. We're yet to see you trying to fix what made her stop admiring you - in yourself. So you're basically saying that if she got mad at you and nagged you about something, you would immediately change that about yourself? If she told you some day "You're a selfish, lazy person and I am sick of sacrificing for you!"- you would simply say "Oh, honey, please let me know how I should behave and I will do it right away"? Most men think that their wives used to be sweet and easy-going in the dating phase, and then turned into dragons who spit fire and don't appreciate any of the efforts they're doing for them. Also, when I tell a joke she should laugh. And mean it. Hahaha! You're so funny! (I mean it). Is it true that men get many of their emotional needs met through sex? Isn't that why men feel so terrible when women withhold sex?Women feel terrible, too. Moreover, for a man, it's naturally acceptable to chase the woman for pussy... for a woman, it's like waiting for her peach tree to grow so she can eat the fruits, when she can get them for free from the neighbor!
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 if you can't come up with any Maybe you and your H need to get in touch with each other. just a suggestion. Ok, so your post nagged at me a little and as a result, I just asked my H what his emotional needs are. This is what he said: "Emotional needs? I don't have any. I just like a clean house." :laugh: I couldn't stop laughing and showed him my post from earlier. Do I know my man or do I know my man?
RecordProducer Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Ok, so your post nagged at me a little and as a result, I just asked my H what his emotional needs are. This is what he said: "Emotional needs? I don't have any. I just like a clean house." :laugh: I couldn't stop laughing and showed him my post from earlier. Do I know my man or do I know my man? I thought HE did all the cleaning!
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I thought HE did all the cleaning! Well, when I worked full-time he did. But since I've been home I've been doing it. Now that I'm working part-time in his office, he's been doing some of it here and there. I think he actually LIKES to clean. (He's weird that way.) Anyway, I just thought it was funny that he actually said exactly what I posted. Some guys just are really happy and easy to please. They don't have a bunch of "needs." And maybe if they do, and they're being met then they aren't needs anymore, you know? So what does that tell us? Hmmm...maybe I meet all his needs. (Or most of them hopefully.)
Topper Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Why? I mean if it ain't broke, you know. The first car I ever owned was an old Ford Falcon. It was all that I could afford. I worked hard to save the money to buy that old car. My Dad told me to always check the oil check the water in the radiator. Tire pressure and all that gen maintenance stuff. Like a lot of young kids I didn't listen. I put gas in and drove. I'm not even sure I Knew how to open the hood on that car. One hot summer day I'm driving to the shore to hang out with some friends at the Beach. The Car overheated and I was stuck miles from anywhere on a back country road. I had to get it towed to a service station. It was only a bad hose easy to fix. When the mechanic checked my oil it was almost empty. I could have burnt out the whole engine. It never sounded broken. No warning lights came on. It just broke. If I had looked under the hood and done some work It would not have happened. Checking in just might keep your marriage from breaking. The maintenance is far cheaper then the cost of repairs or sending it to the junk yard. Take your husband for granted and he just might find someone who is willing to give him a little TLC.
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 The first car I ever owned was an old ford falcon. It was all that I could afford. I worked hard to save the money to buy that old car. My Dad told me to always check the oil check the water in the radiator. Tire pressure and all that gen maintenance stuff. like a lot of young kids I didn't listen. I put gas in in and drove. I'm not even sure I Knew how to open the hood on that car. One hot summer day I'm driving to the shore to hand out with some friends at the Beach. The Car over heated and I was stuck miles from anywhere on a back country road. i had to get it towed to a service station. It was only a bad hose easy to fix. When the mechanic checked my oil it was almost empty I could have burnt out the whole engine. It neve sounded broken. No warning lights came on. It just broke. If I had looked under the hood and done some work It would not have happened. Checking in just might keep your marriage from braking the maintenance id far cheaper the the cost of repairs or sending it to the junk yard. take your husband for granted and he just might find someone who is willing to give him a little TLC. I couldn't agree with you more. But where on earth are you getting the idea that I take him for granted? I don't. And we do "tweak" things every now and then to keep us on an even keel. I mean we're both happy now for 12 years, with very few bumps along the way, so we must be doing SOMETHING right, no? And doesn't have to go anywhere for a "little TLC." Why should he, when he gets a LOT of TLC right here at home? (He's sitting right here next to me, teasing me about this now. Thanks a lot!)
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I couldn't agree with you more. But where on earth are you getting the idea that I take him for granted? I don't. And we do "tweak" things every now and then to keep us on an even keel. I mean we're both happy now for 12 years, with very few bumps along the way, so we must be doing SOMETHING right, no? And doesn't have to go anywhere for a "little TLC." Why should he, when he gets a LOT of TLC right here at home? (He's sitting right here next to me, teasing me about this now. Thanks a lot!) You guys sound like a very happy couple..
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 You guys sound like a very happy couple.. Thanks, ilmw. I'm very lucky. But I've sure paid my dues! And when you've gone through hell and back you don't take ANYTHING for granted. Only a fool would. And my momma didn't raise no fool!
Topper Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Your previous post could lead one to believe that you are in fact in that comfort zone. The If it isn't broke why fit it frame of mind. Might be you are more in touch then you realize. I could make crud Matephor here about checking his dip stick. But I will refrain
GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I couldn't agree with you more. But where on earth are you getting the idea that I take him for granted? I don't. And we do "tweak" things every now and then to keep us on an even keel. I mean we're both happy now for 12 years, with very few bumps along the way, so we must be doing SOMETHING right, no? And doesn't have to go anywhere for a "little TLC." Why should he, when he gets a LOT of TLC right here at home? (He's sitting right here next to me, teasing me about this now. Thanks a lot!) So you lift the hood and check the hose?
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Thanks, ilmw. I'm very lucky. But I've sure paid my dues! And when you've gone through hell and back you don't take ANYTHING for granted. Only a fool would. And my momma didn't raise no fool! Yeah its kinda nice recognising red flags..and what they mean. Then you can stop the problems before they start... and, or.. become a problem.. eh? 12 years... nice...
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Ha! ha! You guys are funny. We've already made plans for a tune-up later on this evening! :love:
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Yeah its kinda nice recognising red flags..and what they mean. Then you can stop the problems before they start... and, or.. become a problem.. eh? 12 years... nice... Thanks, ilmw. Yes, but unfortunately the only way I got to the point where I could recognize the red flags is by having ignored them in the past and having suffered the consequences of that ignorance. Man, I may bytch about my age a lot on here but I wouldn't turn back the clock for anything (unless I could keep the wisdom and experience that I've acquired) otherwise, no dice. I can live with a few wrinkles and a couple of gray hairs.
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Thanks, ilmw. Yes, but unfortunately the only way I got to the point where I could recognize the red flags is by having ignored them in the past and having suffered the consequences of that ignorance. Man, I may bytch about my age a lot on here but I wouldn't turn back the clock for anything (unless I could keep the wisdom and experience that I've acquired) otherwise, no dice. I can live with a few wrinkles and a couple of gray hairs. Yup..... it usually takes a couple of knocks up side of the head to get something into it..
messit Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 A spin off of my other thread....Men: Here's your oppurtunity to explain to us women what YOUR needs are. It's not all about our emotional needs all the time. We are very well aware that men are in need to. But alot of us don't get it. We are not by any means trying to say that men DONT have emotional needs. But we have no clue what they are and some men are terrible at communicating their needs outside of sex. And what have we learned here today? That there isn't one cookie-cutter answer...
RecordProducer Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 The first car I ever owned was an old Ford Falcon. It was all that I could afford. I worked hard to save the money to buy that old car. My Dad told me to always check the oil check the water in the radiator. Tire pressure and all that gen maintenance stuff. Like a lot of young kids I didn't listen. I put gas in and drove. I'm not even sure I Knew how to open the hood on that car. One hot summer day I'm driving to the shore to hang out with some friends at the Beach. The Car overheated and I was stuck miles from anywhere on a back country road. I had to get it towed to a service station. It was only a bad hose easy to fix. When the mechanic checked my oil it was almost empty. I could have burnt out the whole engine. It never sounded broken. No warning lights came on. It just broke. If I had looked under the hood and done some work It would not have happened. Checking in just might keep your marriage from breaking. The maintenance is far cheaper then the cost of repairs or sending it to the junk yard. Take your husband for granted and he just might find someone who is willing to give him a little TLC.Did I inspire you with the car example? JK. I loved your analogy. Maybe I should give you my husband's cell phone... I think you have a lot to tell him. How young are you, Topper? So you lift the hood and check the hose? The hoes love the hose.
Topper Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 How young am I. Thanks for putting the question that way. That should give you some clue to how young I am. Im (fill in the blank )______years old going on 21 years old;)
halfarock Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 mmmm.....so your saying that we as women don't necassarily have to fulfill your emotional needs, but RATHER conduct our actions/words/thoughts accordingly and THAT in itself will produce the positive emotions that a man wants to feel? Am I on the right road here? Yes. It occurs to me that the women that I have come to love, captured my imagination, and fired my emotions did so just by being who they are. It’s like the collection of her little quirks conspire to make her addictively interesting to me. The sum of who she is; the way she looks, the way she talks, walks, thinks, reacts to things, what she does and dreams causes certain emotions within me - sometimes quite intensely. It is these emotions that bond me to her. So, just by being who she is satisfies any emotional needs I might have.
monkey00 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 This post reminds me of when women claim they want a 'sensitive man'. And when the guy gets mushy on the girl, the girl does a 180 . But..sensitivity as in self-expression, not some cold hearted guy who is incapable of saying/showing what he feels. I dont think our needs are that much different from women's, if anything it would be lesser on the scale. Pretty much most guys are pretty laid back about needs. 1) Apologizing for a screw-up. and making it up to me at some other point in time. Words mean nothing if it isnt sincere. 2) Asking how my day went. 3) If im sick or feeling like *****, I dont want to be bugged or questioned about it. The easiest thing a girl can do is ask if there's anything she can do to make me feel better, maybe bring me over some soup or cuddle with me will make me happy. 4) If im exhausted/stressed from work or just had a bad day. I would like to have my personal space - and try to understand that 5) Food is the way to a man's heart! [very important] (but let us not forget sex) 6) Being a friend 7) NOT jumping to irrational conclusions just because I have stuff on my mind on X day.
RecordProducer Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Ok, so everybody said something like: I want to be understood, respected, I want soup when I am sick, I want an apology for a screw-up, I want this, I want that... Have you noticed that nobody said anything like "I want to please my partner and see her enjoy it?" or "I want to apologize for a screw-up and be forgiven" or "I want to make my wife feel sexy and beautiful"? I asked hubby what his emotional needs are and he said "Good kids, lovely wife, and good health." Duh!
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