ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]Taken from the Marriage Builders website [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. There are probably thousands of emotional needs. A need for birthday parties, peanut butter sandwiches, Monday Night Football, I could go on and on. Some people have some of those needs while others have different needs. If you feel good doing something, or if someone does something for you that makes you feel good, an emotional need has been met. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]But not all emotional needs are created equally. When some are met, you may only feel comfortable--they make small Love Bank deposits. There are others, however, that can make you feel downright euphoric. In fact they make you so happy that you're likely to fall in love with the person that meets them. I call those our most important emotional needs because they make the largest Love Bank deposits of all. And those are the very same emotional needs that a husband and wife expect each other to meet in marriage.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]************************************** [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]Everyone has emotional needs... it is what makes us human.. We all feel.. we all want... we all need. Because we need... does not make us needy.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]Needy is not having boundaries... not having focus.. or not having the the self reliance that "I do not need anyone" [/sIZE][/FONT]
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]Taken from the Marriage Builders website [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. There are probably thousands of emotional needs. A need for birthday parties, peanut butter sandwiches, Monday Night Football, I could go on and on. Some people have some of those needs while others have different needs. If you feel good doing something, or if someone does something for you that makes you feel good, an emotional need has been met. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]But not all emotional needs are created equally. When some are met, you may only feel comfortable--they make small Love Bank deposits. There are others, however, that can make you feel downright euphoric. In fact they make you so happy that you're likely to fall in love with the person that meets them. I call those our most important emotional needs because they make the largest Love Bank deposits of all. And those are the very same emotional needs that a husband and wife expect each other to meet in marriage.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]************************************** [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]Everyone has emotional needs... it is what makes us human.. We all feel.. we all want... we all need. Because we need... does not make us needy.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=3]Needy is not having boundaries... not having focus.. or not having the the self reliance that "I do not need anyone" [/sIZE][/FONT] Ok sorry about that .. that was a bloody mess...:laugh:
Art_Critic Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Here it is reformatted Taken from the Marriage Builders website What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. There are probably thousands of emotional needs. A need for birthday parties, peanut butter sandwiches, Monday Night Football, I could go on and on. Some people have some of those needs while others have different needs. If you feel good doing something, or if someone does something for you that makes you feel good, an emotional need has been met. But not all emotional needs are created equally. When some are met, you may only feel comfortable--they make small Love Bank deposits. There are others, however, that can make you feel downright euphoric. In fact they make you so happy that you're likely to fall in love with the person that meets them. I call those our most important emotional needs because they make the largest Love Bank deposits of all. And those are the very same emotional needs that a husband and wife expect each other to meet in marriage. ************************************** Everyone has emotional needs... it is what makes us human.. We all feel.. we all want... we all need. Because we need... does not make us needy. Needy is not having boundaries... not having focus.. or not having the the self reliance that "I do not need anyone"
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Here it is reformatted Thanks for cleaning that up for me... Do you do windows too:lmao::lmao:
halfarock Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 So my next question would be, for those of you who were MAN enough to admit that you have these needs, in what ways have you taken the time to communicate your needs to you partner in current/past relationships? Men communicate in such indirect ways sometimes, and it makes it difficult for a woman to pick up on your needs. My problem with “emotional needs” is that emotions happen automatically in response to certain things. I don’t “need” them as much as they are just there. What you are really asking is what is it that a woman can do to cause favorable emotions within me. Perhaps you are really asking what it is that a woman must do in order for me to love her and be happy. One thing that I’ve noticed is that I seem to be most content with women who I can easily communicate with. Is this an emotional need? I don’t necessarily think so. It is more that I seek out women who I can communicate easily with. So if I’m in a relationship with such a woman, it is in part because I can communicate easily with her. It’s not a need. As I said, I seek out women who I can easily communicate with. If I have any wants or needs I just tell her. With my current girlfriend, I can’t recall any emotional “need” that I had to ask for. I’m very happy with her as things are. Bullshlt! When you fall in love with someone, you have certain emotional needs directed to that person! You want to feel loved back, appreciated, admired... Okay, if I fall in love with someone and they do love me back, appreciate me and admire me; how are those needs? I’m just saying that when I’m in a relationship and things are working, I have no needs. And then what? What if my girlfriend stopped admiring me? Would I go to her crying, “oh please admire me”? Or do I just come to terms that somehow I screwed up and try to fix whatever it is that made her stop admiring me. My car only needs tires when the old ones become unusable. Crying about it doesn’t get things done. Going out and getting new tires and putting them on does. I’m a strong, confident, happy man and I’m full of emotions. It’s what attracts women to me. I don’t need one to stroke my ego or whatever to make me happy, I'm already happy.
loveinlife Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 A women who understands me. Makes me laugh. Listens well and not judge me on how i feel. Respect. Loves me and would go a long yard to keep me happy, by doing things for me. A woman i can count on. Someone to hug to sleep at night. =)
Pyro Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 And precisely where are you hoping to find such a person...I'd like to be there? I found her last September at one of my favorite bars. We actually knew each other from a class that we previously had before that but that night was when we first started talking. Over a year and a half later things are still great. Yes they are a rarity and I was just lucky enough to have run into her that night. Don't give up. They are out there. You just have to remain patient. So my next question would be, for those of you who were MAN enough to admit that you have these needs, in what ways have you taken the time to communicated your needs to you partner in current/past relationships? Men communicate in such indirect ways sometimes, and it makes it difficult for a woman to pick up on your needs. I communicated to them. Its not that hard to open your mouth and tell her how you feel. The tricky part though is to say it in a way that is not going to make her feel like that you pushed her into a corner or a way in which you don't make her out to be the one at fault. Although if she is going to take it the wrong way, then that is not really your fault. I hope that made sense.
Walk Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 My problem with “emotional needs” is that emotions happen automatically in response to certain things. I don’t “need” them as much as they are just there. Some one once told me, and I think it holds a lot of truth, that "needs" are developed in a relationship (other than the need for sex with men). Assume that a couple has been dating for a while, and the man has gone out of his way to ensure that every day she comes home her favorite comfy clothes are ready for her, and her favorite beverage is freshly poured. She is quite capable of doing these few things for herself, but over time, these acts become a staple of her life. Something she can count on and rely on, nad creates good feelings. When suddenly gone, she would miss them, feel unhappy, feel uncomfortable without it. The man created a 'need' that he filled without her really "needing" it to be there. Same goes for conversations. I can have a conversation with anyone. It isn't a "need" for a specific person to fill that. A SO can create a need for it to be them by consistently responding in ways that create feelings of comfort or happiness in the other person. Needy is when you have to talk, and you don't care who it is as long as someone fills that hole. But there aren't many things a SO does for their partner that can be considered a true Need. We need food and shelter... outside of that, most of us don't really "need" anything else. Need meaning, without it we would die, and relatively soon. The "needs" in relationships are things our partners have done that allow us to feel comfortable in relying on them for it. Things we could do for ourselves, but feel confident/happy/comfort in having another person carry some of our burden. And that we would feel a loss if those things suddenly disappeared.
alphamale Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 What's up with this Alpha? Did some girl screw you over that bad to make you turn into this type of guy? Or do you just portray this attitude to entertain us here on LS? no, i just have some "issues" that I'd rather keep private....and it has nothing to do with what you said above.
Woggle Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Respect me Accept me for who I am Show me that you care sometimes
johan Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I don't have many emotional needs. The ones that come to mind that have turned into issues in the past are: When I'm telling her about the great thing that I did that day, she should not interrupt me with her own concerns. Unless someone died, it can wait. When I'm doing some form of manual labor requiring great skill, strength, and dexterity, and she's watching, I want to be appreciated for that and it should be mentioned later in very complimentary terms with her better looking female friends. When I'm feeling down, sexual stimulation should be the first pick-me-up that comes to her mind. We can talk later if that is still necessary. If I am working on something and hurt myself in some awkward and clumsy way, she should NEVER laugh. EVER. If I happen to decide to take the scenic route somewhere, don't bug me about it. The rule is: I know where I'm going, and we'll get there when we get there.
Walk Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 If I happen to decide to take the scenic route somewhere, don't bug me about it. The rule is: I know where I'm going, and we'll get there when we get there. hahah Those are great. Loved the last one.
Woggle Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Also if she has an issue to bring up do it in a respectful manner instead of screaming and don't come at me the minute I walk in the door. Let me get settled and then we can sit down and talk like two mature adults.
johan Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Also, when I tell a joke she should laugh. And mean it.
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Also, when I tell a joke she should laugh. And mean it. What if it's not funny? Anyway, I haven't read the thread. Need to go back and read through it but I was thinking about my H and what I think his emotional needs are and I really couldn't come up with anything. He just likes a clean house. (Is that even an emotional need?)
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 What if it's not funny? Anyway, I haven't read the thread. Need to go back and read through it but I was thinking about my H and what I think his emotional needs are and I really couldn't come up with anything. He just likes a clean house. (Is that even an emotional need?) No necessarily a EM.. more like one of the 5 languages of love.. "acts of service"... When we understand our partners love languages.. we tend to meet their EM's and keep the love bank full .. funny what a little reading can do for a guy eh? ...:laugh:
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 No necessarily a EM.. more like one of the 5 languages of love.. "acts of service"... When we understand our partners love languages.. we tend to meet their EM's and keep the love bank full .. funny what a little reading can do for a guy eh? ...:laugh: And cleaning is not the only "act of service" that he needs!
lindya Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 What if it's not funny? Anyway, I haven't read the thread. Need to go back and read through it but I was thinking about my H and what I think his emotional needs are and I really couldn't come up with anything. He just likes a clean house. (Is that even an emotional need?) Is that a wooden rolling pin in your hand, or are you just pleased to see me? What I've gleaned from men is that one of their primary emotional needs is to have a clear identity as a man. Women seem to be perceived by some men as a threat to that identity, rather than being a complementary yin to the yang. If your husband doesn't appear to have any particular emotional needs, then that maybe just means that he knows who he is, has a clear identity that meshes well with yours....and therefore doesn't need to ask himself "what are my needs and does Touche meet them? Do I feel like a man when I'm around her?"
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 And cleaning is not the only "act of service" that he needs! I'm sure...its not:laugh:
Touche Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Is that a wooden rolling pin in your hand, or are you just pleased to see me? What I've gleaned from men is that one of their primary emotional needs is to have a clear identity as a man. Women seem to be perceived by some men as a threat to that identity, rather than being a complementary yin to the yang. If your husband doesn't appear to have any particular emotional needs, then that maybe just means that he knows who he is, has a clear identity that meshes well with yours....and therefore doesn't need to ask himself "what are my needs and does Touche meet them? Do I feel like a man when I'm around her?" Yes, it's a wooden rolling pin AND I'm pleased to see you, lindya! Good points. I can tell he really appreciates it though when I tell him how well he handled this or that or what a great job he did on something.
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Yes, it's a wooden rolling pin AND I'm pleased to see you, lindya! Good points. I can tell he really appreciates it though when I tell him how well he handled this or that or what a great job he did on something. Affirmations... (another love language) From "The Five Love Languages" Words of Affirmation Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.
Author SouthernT Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 My problem with “emotional needs” is that emotions happen automatically in response to certain things. I don’t “need” them as much as they are just there. What you are really asking is what is it that a woman can do to cause favorable emotions within me. Perhaps you are really asking what it is that a woman must do in order for me to love her and be happy. mmmm.....so your saying that we as women don't necassarily have to fulfill your emotional needs, but RATHER conduct our actions/words/thoughts accordingly and THAT in itself will produce the positive emotions that a man wants to feel? Am I on the right road here?
Author SouthernT Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 no, i just have some "issues" that I'd rather keep private....and it has nothing to do with what you said above. ok, fair enough. And I mean this with all sincerity, I hope that you have some type of safe haven that allows you to explore your issues.
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