layercakegal Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 ok i have this 'best friend'. we've known each other for 2 years, he says he tells me everything, etc etc. im also really in love with him, like...really really. but i have a bf now so im sort of getting past the love...i think. he knows i like him, but not that i love him. altho i think he thinks i dont like him anymore now i have a bf. anyway im away at uni, in the north - we both live normally in the south. he was up here in the north for something else, and IM'd me this morning to say he was goin home, getting a connecting bus. (i.e. he was in city A, he had to get a bus to city B, then a bus from city B to city C(home).) he asked me if i wanted to meet him in city B where he had to catch his connecting bus home. this is an hour on the bus for me, and costs about £10. im a student, so im really poor. u may all be wondering 'well whats the problem?' but i have this paranoia that everything he does has a motive - like today - did he just ask me to come meet him to kill time before he got his connecting bus? why couldnt he just come to visit me at uni? (he said he had no money, but he spent far more than the cost of the ticket on lunch and shopping while we were together in city B.) i dont think this makes sense, but im just wondering - is he using me? am i just someone he can call on when he needs to kill time? he knows id do anything for him, and i think he takes advantage of this. it just hurts when i say i miss him or something like that, he also never says it back - i find this hurtful and he always gives some stupid reason why he cant say it back, like 'i dont feel like saying it right now' and just after he'd got his bus home today i sent him a text saying i really enjoyed seeing him and missed him already - no reply, till i sent him a jokey text that he was ignoring me, where he still ignored what i had said about missing him previously. is he using me? i know he lies to his gf about stuff and im worried hes lying to me too. whatever happens or whatever he does, theres some way he could be doing it for another reason besides the one he says. am i just a paranoid freak or is something going on? :( dont hate me
Author layercakegal Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 ..........anyone? im so confused over all this. plus, he said i could stay at his for a few nights when i went home, and now he suddenly has like 11 assignments to do, and says because he hardly has any time to do them, i might now be able to stay over. i was reading another thread on using people earlier and it seems i give him everything but he gives nothing back. im very needy, and clingy, and i can see that he gets annoyed when im always asking him things, but its because i dont believe he is truely my real friend. i feel so depressed anyone that could help me or make suggestions or....something...it would be really appreciated
Great Gazoo Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Could it be that you are still in love with him? He might be picking that vibe from you. I mean you did say you are needy and clingy and that you text him right away saying you missed him as soon as he left. All this could be pushing the friendship with him away instead of bringing you closer. I think that would explain the depressed and paranoid feeling. You can't get deep down what you really seek, just a thought and no I don't think anyone hates you
Author layercakegal Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 lol finally! thanks gazoo yeah, like i want him so much, i still love him so much even tho i like to think im getting past it now, and i know i cant have him. i think he maybe does get that vibe from me - but i dont know how to stop myself from giving out vibes lol! but i know wudnt want to have him as my bf as really hes a bit of a player, i guess i just....want him. i spoke to him today, and once again i annoyed him, he said he missed his other best friend and i got all like 'how comes u dont miss me then?' and very questionable, and even when he says he does miss me or something like that, i dont believe him, coz i guess i dont really trust him. we were on msn speaking, and after we'd had the whole 'why dont u miss me, when am i gonna see u' debacle, after like 20 mins of just saying nothing to each other he went offline, so i guess he just thought he wud go without saying bye, which is kinda upsetting. usually people on here are disapproving of needy people, so i said dont hate me so that no1 wud shout at me for being clingy lol
TiredOfConfusion Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 layercakegal, this guy sounds like he just likes the attention to me. it sounds like he gives you just enough hope for you to keep telling him how much you miss him without having to commit himself to saying the same thing. you saying he is a "player type" and that he also lies to his girlfriend is kind of a dead give away too. i think you know what is going on but don't want to admit it to yourself it seems like he probably does have a genuine affection for you or he would not put up with you being "needy" or want to go eat with you or go shopping with you you should try ignoring him and NOT telling him you miss him or asking if he misses you, etc. he would probably notice the lack of attention and start doing things to get your attention, like asking if you miss him, still like him, etc. in any case i dont think he sounds like he is worth the trouble. he sounds like a jerk. on the other hand, i know how you feel and have been in a similar situation myself. it feels much better when you are able to ignore the person and realize that you finally have the upper hand. just my thoughts. i hope this helps.
Author layercakegal Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 thanks TOC if im being honest with myself, i dont think hes worth the trouble either. ive just broken up with my bf, after over and month n a half (not that long, but its been my one and only relationship) and my 'best friend' is nowhere to be seen. he says he counts me as family, as he doesnt really have any of his own, but when i was due to go to his last night (he lives in another town) for the last week or so hes been saying it may not happen because he has too much work, and guess what....he never finished his work, and i wasnt able to go. I spoke to his gf on msn last night and asked her if she had spoken to him, and she said that he had called her, saying he was going to a bbq to get drunk with one of his friends from college. i said 'oh...so hes not doing work all night then?' and she sed 'oh he did say after the drunken fun him n his college friend were gonna stay up all night doing work'. now i dont care how much of a jerk u are, or how forgetful or ignorant u are, but when ur supposed 'best friend and family' splits up with their one and only ever boyfriend, u be there for them. in my anger/upsetness last night i texted him saying 'hope u had fun at ur bbq, thanks for bein here when i rele needed u'. probs a bad idea in hindsight, but im sick of just saying 'oh thats just him being disorganised, it doesnt matter that he cant meet up with me again'. i know he isnt worth the trouble n is using me for attention, but im so attatched to him that even when one of my genuine best friends said when i was angry and upset at him last night 'dont u think its time to get rid of him now?' (she knows all the problems ive had over him) i just cant. and its the most annoying thing in the world that i cant just let go. i have a problem believing that hes not really my friend and just uses me and pretends to be my friend when he needs something. he really does just give me enough hope to keep me attatched, and i really dont need all of this right now :(:(:(
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