gonetildecember Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 The man I'm seeing/interested in has been playing hot and cold with me: making dates and then not showing up, introducing me to his family, not calling for days, inviting me out or calling to check on me, taking me on his family weekend getaway..and i just can't see to decipher his feelings.. i feel nlike he's not into it, and sometimes i wonder if he is even really interested. we started long distance for about 3 months, and have been actually seeing each other for about a month...everyone says he's really into it, but i don't see it....what can i do to either get him to shape up and take some sort of legit interest (or jsut to give me an indication of his feelings.. cuz actions speak louder than words) or to just end it so i can move on? is NC/or jsut not calling...etc.. the way to go? he's going away for two weeks tomorrow, and i wanted some sort of plan before he left
oppath Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Some of his behaviors are definitely hold or cold, but two thingss it's still early in the relationship, it's a good thing if he's not centering you in his life yetyou are leaving out half the equation...YOU!What I mean by number 2 is ARE YOU pursuing him too. Do you call him, do you make dates with him, etc. I sometimes get hot and cold with a girl if after some effort on my part she's not going 50/50.
electric_sheep Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 I'd be less concerned about whether he is into it or not, and instead ask yourself why you would want to date someone who seems rude, inconsiderate, and self-focused. Making a date and then not showing up is just flat out not nice, assuming he didn't call you ahead of time to break it. Doing this once or twice could be an accident, beyond that it shows he is clearly just too preoccupied with himself.
Author gonetildecember Posted June 1, 2007 Author Posted June 1, 2007 Thanks Oppath. 1. It still is early, but it seems like there's been a change in his behaviour.. when I first got here.. he was putting in a lot more effort.. and its not that he doesn't at all anymore.. but I have no idea if he AcTUALLY likes me. an example: two weekends ago he asked if we could go out the next weekend.. so i did not see him all week, and when the weekend came we had our plans, last minute he said he'd meet me there instead of me meeting him.. called again to confirm meeting spot.. he didnt show up or call.. does that sound like someone serious to you. Then three days later invites me to his family birthday dinner.. 2. When I first got here I was a little nervous,, but since then.. I'll ask him to do things, and he has accepted once or twice.. but other than that, he'll take days to respond or say he's tired... and then the next day we'll be inseperable all weekend or we'll go out to dinner with his brother and his brothers girlfriend... his actions are totally sporadic Not to mention one minute its as if i'm his wife, the next i'm his gardener and we barely speak.. his mixed messages are driving me crazy. How do i tell if he's serious, just seeing me to kill time, or is jsut looking for physical?
Author gonetildecember Posted June 1, 2007 Author Posted June 1, 2007 ES I agree, it is totally rude, and I gave him hell for it, to the point where he called three days later to ask if i was still mad.. it only happened once, so I'm willing to give it another shot.. but I just can't read him... as one second he pulls crap like that.. the next he's absolutely perfect.. usually u can tell by someones actions, but i don't get it.. ppl tell me he is very emotionally detached and aloof, but come on... am i supposed to believe that he really likes me when I'm at the same party, he says hi to my best friend, knows im there but doesnt come inside to say hi to me.. then he leaves? and at first i thought maybe it was me, but i have stepped up my calls and trying to make contact...i just don't want to seem like an idiot and put myself out there if he really isnt that into me, and is acting this way purposely.
electric_sheep Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 usually u can tell by someones actions, but i don't get it.. ppl tell me he is very emotionally detached and aloof, but come on... am i supposed to believe that he really likes me when I'm at the same party, he says hi to my best friend, knows im there but doesnt come inside to say hi to me.. then he leaves? See, I would consider this rude as well. In fact, I would say there is really only 2 possibilities here... he was playing "mind games", or he was being rude. Neither is very hopeful. I guess there is the slim chance an "emergency" came up too. But... dare I ask why you didn't go outside to say hi to him? Is it possible both of you are playing mind games? If so, what I would do is take the inititive, step up, and be the adult here. I've never had much tolerance for mind games, particularly in the beginning stages of a relationship. There's plenty of time for that latter. Just be very straighforward and ask him about all this. Ask him what yalls "status" is. Then you can feel good about yourself too, because you'll know you were straight up, which is usually the best way to be. If he seems to think everything is great, just explain to him that you're used to a little more "confirmation" from time to time. Could be his friends are right and he is just aloof. You guys might have to meet in the middle. Anyway, I definitely don't think NC is appropriate here, unless you really mean it. That is, if you are seriously ready to just ditch the whole thing, that's fine, but don't use NC as some kind of "test". Even if you're ready to move on (and I don't sense that) you owe him an explanation first. p.s. Don't worry about looking like an idiot either. It takes a lot of balls to be willing to look like an idiot. I admire people like that.
Author gonetildecember Posted June 1, 2007 Author Posted June 1, 2007 I did go out when my friend came inside to tell me she had seen him, and he had already left at that point. I admit when I first got here, I wasn't as "into things" as he was.. he even commented once that I ignore him in public.. but after 3 months of only talking on the phone and online, it took me a little while to get into things. Since then I have been putting in effort I feel, but I've just been hesitant becauuse I can't figure out if that's just the way it is and I should continue making plans and calling, or if his aloofness is a sign of disinterest. I tried to bring it up, it was his birthday on Wednesday, and I found the perfect card that said something like we dont spend enough time together and i want to change that.. and inside i made it clear that i was unsure because i didnt see him, and that I wanted to see him more and spend more time together.. it was very clear.. and his response was.. "what a sweet card" lol.. If it were anyone else i would think they just werent that interested, but ppl tell me all the time how much he talks about me, and then he'll call out of the blue or be really affectionate one day... i wanted some sort of answer before his trip because he'll be gone for nearly 3 weeks, but after my failed card.. i dont know how to bring it up when today is our last day together and i dont know if i will even get to see him in person.
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