Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 it means that she's looking at all aspects of the man before she makes the decision have sex with him. Here are some of the things she'll examine: how much money does have have or makeis he good looking, average or uglywhats his personality likewhats his occupation, blue collar or whitewill her girlfriends and/or family accept himis he cheapdoes he have a good bodyis he funnywill he be putty in her handswill she be able to get him to the altardoes he have any kidsdoes he want kidswhen he gets old will he wear his pants up to his nipplescould he be tempted to cheat with her better looking best girlfriendwill he become abusvie later ondoes he have any addiction problems (drugs, sex, booze, golf)is he boring or excitingetc... I think most girls decide if they want to have sex with a guy very, very soon, with out considering even a fraction of what you listed here.
alphamale Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I think most girls decide if they want to have sex with a guy very, very soon, with out considering even a fraction of what you listed here. the decision on all those items is made within five minutes or less...
Walk Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Greg.. I've said pretty close to the same thing to men (when first dating). I'm sure they took it much the same way you did. I don't know too many women who would even acknowledge (in real life) that they have a low sex drive. Do you? Usually the only times I've EVER heard lack of sex discussed is so the woman can point out why its not her fault she doesn't want sex, but what a sex goddess she normally is. I don't believe that this woman you're talking about was trying to give subtle hints that she has a low sex drive. But if you look at it in context of what a woman might fear regarding dating, or men.. then you find most are concerned about being used for "just sex", fear of being lied to in order to get them in bed, fear of the emotional consequences of having sex. In all my rambling here.. I'm trying to say that most women are NOT thinking they have to warn you about their lack of sex drive. Sex isn't usually a woman's number one "need", and since its not numero uno on the need scale then thinking to warn you early in the game isn't going to be her main concern. Her concern might be more focused on her own emotional vulnerability, her well-being, and any statements would be made in regards to HER outlook. Not a man's needs. If she mentions sex in a negative context early in the game, then its more probable that she's attempting to safe guard herself.
Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Greg.. I've said pretty close to the same thing to men (when first dating). I'm sure they took it much the same way you did. .... I don't believe that this woman you're talking about was trying to give subtle hints that she has a low sex drive. It's really not about any particular woman. And it's NOT a complaint. I was honest when I asked what it means to other women. Also to suggest to some women that it might be an unneccisary thing to say and sometimes a turn off to men I date and play the field and I also have other notes to share and compare. Not just this question. They're not "issues" that are bugging me. More like an applied science - on this dating forum. But anyway - in my opinion - in the case you mentioned ... if she said it out of the blue ... when he wasn't waxing on about sex ... then she DID give a (not-so) subtle hint. If she didn't MEAN too, she did it anyway.
Walk Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 But anyway - in my opinion - in the case you mentioned ... if she said it out of the blue ... when he wasn't waxing on about sex ... then she DID give a (not-so) subtle hint. If she didn't MEAN too, she did it anyway. Well, don't know what to tell ya. There are a lot of women out there that feel all men are after sex, and only sex. And we have numerous examples to back up our conclusions. Just like many men believe women will stop having sex with them once they commit because they have numerous examples to back it up. So really what we know... if a woman says "sex isn't everything" then its possibly: A.) I'm not having sex til you prove you aren't going to screw me and leave me. B.) I don't believe in your need for sex and therefore won't put much effort into fulfilling it. Either one is bad. Choice A means baggage, and lengthy process of earning trust. Choice B means constant fights later on in the relationship. I think you're right in thinking this hypothetical woman would not be a good choice for long term dating (if she blurts out a statement like that). But I think your reasoning behind why she isn't is off-base. And MOST importantly, I think follow up questions after a statement like that are extremely important. A lot of times people blurt out overly simplified statements for thoughts and feelings that can be misinterpreted very easily. A man saying he has no money could mean he's stressed about bills that week, not that he's a cheap SOB who refuses to offer a penny to a orphaned child. But his statement could be interpreted as the latter. Just saying... I think people need to put more effort into communicating, rather than tossing people out like trash at the drop of a hat. But that's just me. If your goal was just to secure the "hole", then drop her. If your goal was to enjoy a date with a person you were having fun talking to, then whats so bad about questioning her out look with HER. Sometimes people need to be forced to confront those quick assumptions and cliched thought process in order to see the fallacy behind them. Next time you hear a date of yours utter those words about sex, ask her "Why do you say that?". Let her hang herself, and you're free from the questions of "what she meant". Or she might surprise you with a deeper truth (not likely, but possible).
Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Well, don't know what to tell ya. There are a lot of women out there that feel all men are after sex, and only sex. And we have numerous examples to back up our conclusions. Just like many men believe women will stop having sex with them once they commit because they have numerous examples to back it up. So really what we know... if a woman says "sex isn't everything" then its possibly: A.) I'm not having sex til you prove you aren't going to screw me and leave me. B.) I don't believe in your need for sex and therefore won't put much effort into fulfilling it. Either one is bad. Choice A means baggage, and lengthy process of earning trust. Choice B means constant fights later on in the relationship. I think you're right in thinking this hypothetical woman would not be a good choice for long term dating (if she blurts out a statement like that). But I think your reasoning behind why she isn't is off-base. And MOST importantly, I think follow up questions after a statement like that are extremely important. A lot of times people blurt out overly simplified statements for thoughts and feelings that can be misinterpreted very easily. A man saying he has no money could mean he's stressed about bills that week, not that he's a cheap SOB who refuses to offer a penny to a orphaned child. But his statement could be interpreted as the latter. Just saying... I think people need to put more effort into communicating, rather than tossing people out like trash at the drop of a hat. But that's just me. If your goal was just to secure the "hole", then drop her. If your goal was to enjoy a date with a person you were having fun talking to, then whats so bad about questioning her out look with HER. Sometimes people need to be forced to confront those quick assumptions and cliched thought process in order to see the fallacy behind them. Next time you hear a date of yours utter those words about sex, ask her "Why do you say that?". Let her hang herself, and you're free from the questions of "what she meant". Or she might surprise you with a deeper truth (not likely, but possible). Don't get me wrong ... You're making perfect sense to me. And communication? Absolutely! I DO engage from there, in fact it frequently opens into great conversation and sometimes even more. But I generally begin with something similar, like, "That's interesting, what makes you say that ... why do you feel that way?" I even have fun with it and I was most curious to hear reactions from women on this forum. There have been times a girl said this while telling me all about what she's looking for. Then I've replied something like, "Well, that's a good thing to get to know about soon, because I doubt that I could like a girl unless sex was very high on her priority list." Then I've had reactions like, "Oh! ... uh ... you misunderstood ... I didn't say that sex wasn't important ... in fact to me it IS important ... etc etc". Then my favorite response is something like, "Hmmmmm" (with an unbelieving look back at her). From there I've seen girls just talk and talk about what a sensuous girl she really is. So - I'm curious to hear from some men on how they get past something like this. I have other ways to get around this too. There some guys on this forum who probably suspected where I was going with this, and they have thier ways too. FWIW: Like I said, I date and play the field. I'm not against permanent and exclusive, if and when I meet the right girl. I don't lie and I don't understand why men lie to get sex. To me it's much easier to get to that by being honest. You see Walk. This stuff is like an applied science to me. I love women. They're the most facinating creatures on the planet. I'm just begining to learn exciting things I wish I'd started learing in high school.
StartingOver07 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 FWIW: Like I said, I date and play the field. I'm not against permanent and exclusive, if and when I meet the right girl. I don't lie and I don't understand why men lie to get sex. To me it's much easier to get to that by being honest. You ignored my question (back on p 1)!
pelagicsands Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Sex is the thermometer of love, imo. That's a great quote. I like it when they squeeze the bulb.
Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 You ignored my question (back on p 1)! You're right and I'm sorry. I think you meant: "p.s. Greg, what happened to the wonderful woman who landed you with her confident smile and straightforward approach? The one you told me about as you were giving me such good advice. Apparently you left out the bit about the unhappy ending! " I still see her, she's wonderful. No unhappy ending. Just a bunch of happy endings I think she's just using me, but I don't mind. And I never got to find about what happened with you. Are you going to post anymore on that thread?
Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 That's a great quote. I like it when they squeeze the bulb. I liked StartingOver's quote too. I get the impression that she's down to earth and real.
Zona76 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Is this all about the statement "Sex Isn't Everything?" "Easy Come Easy Go" as many also say. She wants to be more than a one night stand. Face it.... If she jumped on you right away before you talked or she asked anything about you, wouldn't you wonder where that hell has she been? And worse of all how many partners? Answer her with... "Sex Isn't Everything? I agree. I also work for a living, pay my bills, shop, cook(I can do a mean Bar-B-Q), I have friends, I talk to my Mom at least once a month.... I sometimes sleep. And it's nice to have someone there to cuddle up to." Try honesty. Someties it works!
Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Is this all about the statement "Sex Isn't Everything?" Try honesty. Someties it works! But I made a point that I AM honest, that I dont lie.
Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Answer her with... "Sex Isn't Everything? I agree. I also work for a living, pay my bills, shop, cook. ... Ummmmm .... Nope .... I don't think that's a good answer Zona! Sounds a little bitchy for a guy to say. But thanks. Tell you what Zona ... just leave the "picking up chicks" part to me
pricillia Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I agree that a woman who wasn't really into sex might say that. That occured to me also. Because...I can't think of another reason why a woman would say that. I certainly haven't. or she could not be that attracted to the person that she is saying it to?
StartingOver07 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I still see her, she's wonderful. No unhappy ending. Just a bunch of happy endings I think she's just using me, but I don't mind. And I never got to find about what happened with you. Are you going to post anymore on that thread? Ah. I had the impression that she'd "landed" you. I did update my other thread. I won't hijack this one, but I'll just say that I am not sure there is going to be any real, long-lasting change. I liked StartingOver's quote too. I get the impression that she's down to earth and real. I have no idea what quote this refers to, but I will take all the compliments I can get.
RecordProducer Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 No! I'm talking about when she needs to make this clear to him, for some other reason. What reason? To begin with, to me, when that statement is made early on, it's about the same is if the man were to have said, "Money isn't everything, right honey?" - I mean, there is a reason a man would say that, right? And we all know why. Well to me, it's pretty close to the same reason that a woman would say, "Sex isn't everything". Any thoughts?Your witted mind explained it all. When I was told "Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship"... it meant "Forget about sex!" If you're a sexual person, run away from those who claim that sex isn't important. A woman who cooks will never say that cooking isn't important. I cook and I really, really think that cooking is not important, but I would never say that, unless I plan to NOT cook. She might want to comfort YOU that sex isn't everything, if she had a guy with a low libido before you. Or maybe she believes that only sluts think that sex is everything. But that's not very likely to be the case.
Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 or she could not be that attracted to the person that she is saying it to? I agree and that would be one of my first assumptions too. That there was no real attraction or chemistry. And if a girl said that to me, leaving me with this signal, then I certainly wouldn't be offended. In my opinion chemistry is there or it isn't - nothing personal meant toward the guy.
Author GregsBad Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Your witted mind explained it all. When I was told "Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship"... it meant "Forget about sex!" If you're a sexual person, run away from those who claim that sex isn't important. A woman who cooks will never say that cooking isn't important. I cook and I really, really think that cooking is not important, but I would never say that, unless I plan to NOT cook. She might want to comfort YOU that sex isn't everything, if she had a guy with a low libido before you. Or maybe she believes that only sluts think that sex is everything. But that's not very likely to be the case. All true IMO. I'd rather have a naughty girl anyway. Also, if her previous BF had a libido issue and it was a problem to the girl, if she had a high libido, I doubt she'd be interested in another deadbeat and wouldn't be sayin' "Sex isn't important".
RecordProducer Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Also, if her previous BF had a libido issue and it was a problem to the girl, if she had a high libido, I doubt she'd be interested in another deadbeat and wouldn't be sayin' "Sex isn't important".Right. But if she is 25 and after a 65-y.o. billionaire, she might comfort him that sex isn't everything.
Hugh_950 Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Is this all about the statement "Sex Isn't Everything?" "Easy Come Easy Go" as many also say. She wants to be more than a one night stand. Face it.... If she jumped on you right away before you talked or she asked anything about you, wouldn't you wonder where that hell has she been? And worse of all how many partners? Answer her with... "Sex Isn't Everything? I agree. I also work for a living, pay my bills, shop, cook(I can do a mean Bar-B-Q), I have friends, I talk to my Mom at least once a month.... I sometimes sleep. And it's nice to have someone there to cuddle up to." Try honesty. Someties it works! Nice Zona! It's obvious that you didn't even take the time to read and understand the thread before busting in with your opinion. c'mon, People start these threads for a reason, at least read the whole thread first, it only takes a few minutes.
RecordProducer Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Relationships won't last if they are based on sex only. That is what it means. There is a deeper level to love that goes way beyond sex.Yes, i didn't think of this. There was a guy who made advances on me once... he is one of those guys to whom sex is everything. He falls in love and marries if the sex is great. He values a woman according to her sex appeal, he makes jokes about sex all the time, sends me porn movies, etc. You get the picture. And he told me himself that he realized that he couldn't stay with his ex-wife, cuz sex isn't everything. But it was everything when he married her. She might as well be the one to whom sex is everything and is trying to sound deeper than that. The guy in my case was simply honest about his sudden miraculous discovery at age 40 that sex isn't everything and mentioned it in a context. But I think we take the sentence in this sad and sick way as in sex isn't significant at all.
alphamale Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 But I think we take the sentence in this sad and sick way as in sex isn't significant at all. sex becomes less and less significant as we age...one morning you'll wake up and you won't give a rats ass about sex anymore.
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 , at least read the whole thread first, it only takes a few minutes. Just like sex. Sometimes you wonder if you missed a spot, though. It takes a little longer to read between the lines.
pelagicsands Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 sex becomes less and less significant as we age...one morning you'll wake up and you won't give a rats ass I'll take whatever I can get, even if it's a little hairy.
RecordProducer Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 sex becomes less and less significant as we age...one morning you'll wake up and you won't give a rats ass about sex anymore. I tell my kids that some day they'll wake up and not give a rat's ass about Pokemons anymore (and they'll only think about sex). My 8-year old sons stated they'd rather die than kiss a girl on the vagina. I guess old people feel the same.
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