GregsBad Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 I'm single and dating for some time now. I love it. I have learned so much that I wish I knew when I was younger. I'm a kid in a candy store! I'm a country boy in the big city! Anyway ... one subject that really facinates me is: What does it mean ... When a woman says, "Sex isn't everything". I'm talking about cases where a man and woman are in early stages of getting to know each other ... say like on their first to their fifth date. I'm NOT talking about if the man is comming on like a horn dog, practically FORCING her to say something like that. No! I'm talking about when she needs to make this clear to him, for some other reason. What reason? To begin with, to me, when that statement is made early on, it's about the same is if the man were to have said, "Money isn't everything, right honey?" - I mean, there is a reason a man would say that, right? And we all know why. Well to me, it's pretty close to the same reason that a woman would say, "Sex isn't everything". Any thoughts?
champagne Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Relationships won't last if they are based on sex only. That is what it means. There is a deeper level to love that goes way beyond sex.
StartingOver07 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 My thought is that this is not something I would ever say unless the guy was one of those guys who reduces every interaction in life to sex. You know -- the ones who claim that no matter why a man and a woman need to interact with each other, it's always ultimately about sex. I don't think I have ever said those words to anyone. And frankly, sex is everything. Just try being in a relationship where it's off and this will become quickly apparent. Sex is the thermometer of love, imo.
StartingOver07 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 p.s. Greg, what happened to the wonderful woman who landed you with her confident smile and straightforward approach? The one you told me about as you were giving me such good advice. Apparently you left out the bit about the unhappy ending! Break it to me gently...
IpAncA Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Relationships won't last if they are based on sex only. I agree. There's more to a relationship than sex. It may not be everything but it does need to be there.
Lizzie60 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 it could be many reasons: 1) She thinks that all you want is to get into her pants and she might want it but down the road (maybe in 2-3 months); 2) She's just not interested in anything more than platonic friendship; 3) She is really interested and wants to get to know you better on a more 'character/personality' level first... It's hard to say why a woman would say that... But if I was to say that to a man that I'm interested in...it would be no. 3 for me.
lonelybird Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Probably she sensed "pressure for sex", heavy pressure can make her think "all you want is sex"
Jolene Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 If I started seeing someone new and was having sex with him and things were going really well and I really liked him enough to make a commitment, I would say something like "sex isn't everything" if I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't just looking for someone to have sex with and that I would hope he isn't thinking I just want to settle for a f-friend deal. Like, there's no way she would say that if she was content to just keep it casual. Sooner or later, a woman starts to feel like a service provider if she is treated like one. Whatever the basis of the relationship, women like to feel special in ways that do not necessarily personify their sexuality. That usually requires some genuine admiration. So, if you are enjoying your free range and do not want to be tied down (translation: if you don't have feelings for this girl), make sure you don't give her the impression that you are getting into a relationship with her exclusively. Sounds like she cares enough to suggest the leap from friendship to a commitment. But if you fall in love, the sex will be so much better if it is so good now.
tanbark813 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 When a woman says "sex isn't everything" it means she has a low sex drive. If you don't as well, then you would be wise to look elsewhere.
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Always worthwhile to jump into the sack with a guy who you don't know well and aren't even certain you like, as a person... No friendship, no longevity.
Yamaha Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 I think she would mean that the emotional/intellectual thing is good but maybe the sex isn't the best and she is trying to reassure the guy and herself that "sex isn't everything".
lonelybird Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 The girl has high sex drive probably, just don't want to give out randomly due to the "short period" of knowing each other
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 When a woman says "sex isn't everything" it means she has a low sex drive. If you don't as well, then you would be wise to look elsewhere. You're wrong, darling. Sex isn't everything. But it's a very, very important something.
pelagicsands Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 When a woman says "sex isn't everything" it means she has a low sex drive. If you don't as well, then you would be wise to look elsewhere. Right on the money - as usual. Sex isn't everything, it's the only thing.
tanbark813 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 You're wrong, darling. Sex isn't everything. But it's a very, very important something. Ahh, but you misinterpret, m'dear. I'm not saying that I think sex is everything (though I agree it's a very, very important something), I'm saying that a woman who considers it important and has a healthy sex drive is unlikely to bring up the point that "sex isn't everything".
johan Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Ahh, but you misinterpret, m'dear. I'm not saying that I think sex is everything (though I agree it's a very, very important something), I'm saying that a woman who considers it important and has a healthy sex drive is unlikely to bring up the point that "sex isn't everything". I thought the same thing. It could also be that she thinks that you think sex is everything. No woman thinks sex is all there is. But I would definitely take it as notification that her interest in it is somewhat less than yours. How much less is hard to say. I'd think it's kind of a "back off" statement.
pelagicsands Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 I'm not saying that I think sex is everything (though I agree it's a very, very important something), Hang on just a second... sex isn't a "something." It's usually a penis and a vagina coming together in a fusion of passionate appreciation (some would say love). So it's at least somethings.
pelagicsands Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 No woman thinks I believe they use intuition as a substitute for logic. So, it's not as bad as you intimate.
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 This might be TMI, but I recall a time where I was dating this dude who (while I was living in L.A.) flew us to S.F. for the weekend (Valentine's Day weekend) for this uber-romantic rendezvous. We spent the day at Nob Hill Spa, went to the opera, and then retired to our ridiculously overpriced and huge suite. He even busted out candles. It was waaaaaaay over the top. Too much effort. Anyway, after his fifth attempt (and failure) in getting it up, I said those words: "Sex isn't everything..." I didn't want to make him feel bad. But in retrospect, I know I was a damn liar. I guess my point is that the meaning of those words really depends on the context of when and how they're said...
tanbark813 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 I thought the same thing. It could also be that she thinks that you think sex is everything. No woman thinks sex is all there is. But I would definitely take it as notification that her interest in it is somewhat less than yours. How much less is hard to say. I'd think it's kind of a "back off" statement. Agreed. This might be TMI, but I recall a time where I was dating this dude who (while I was living in L.A.) flew us to S.F. for the weekend (Valentine's Day weekend) for this uber-romantic rendezvous. We spent the day at Nob Hill Spa, went to the opera, and then retired to our ridiculously overpriced and huge suite. He even busted out candles. It was waaaaaaay over the top. Too much effort. Anyway, after his fifth attempt (and failure) in getting it up, I said those words: "Sex isn't everything..." I didn't want to make him feel bad. But in retrospect, I know I was a damn liar. I guess my point is that the meaning of those words really depends on the context of when and how they're said... I hope he was drunk off his ass because otherwise he must be gay if he couldn't get it up in that context.
Zona76 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Like you said, you're like a kid in a candy store. She doesn't want to be a part of your sampling the goods.
champagne Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 I agree that a woman who wasn't really into sex might say that. That occured to me also. Because...I can't think of another reason why a woman would say that. I certainly haven't.
pelagicsands Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 We spent the day at Nob Hill Spa, went to the opera, and then retired to our ridiculously overpriced and huge suite. He even busted out candles. It was waaaaaaay over the top. Too much effort. Anyway, after his fifth attempt (and failure) in getting it up, I said those words: "Sex isn't everything..." You spent all day on a big nob, and then wonder why he can't go all night as well?! Maybe the high notes numbed his package. It can happen.
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 I hope he was drunk off his ass because otherwise he must be gay if he couldn't get it up in that context. Sadly, he wasn't. Interestingly, later when I ended that relationship due to his, um, 'problem' (turned out it was biological)...he turned it around on ME and said those same words! But by then I was like, "Oh, but it is!! It IS!!"
champagne Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 I wonder if Viagra would have helped. I dated a diabetic with that problem. I feel badly for men that have to endure ED. It must be hell when they're dating.
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