forbidden fruit Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 My xmm cornered me yesterday and wants to meet and talk about D-day. He does not want to be enemies and wants to be at least talking. He says he does not want to have sex or put me in a uncomfortable situation. I know i am not going to meet him and am going to tell him we are just neigbors. I really don't understand why after three weeks after d-day does he think it is okay to going back to being friends. Is he missing a screw and why if he does not want sex and won't leave his wife does he want me in his life? Just wondering anybody thoughts?
Babybird Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 That he misses you. That was the first thought that popped into my head after reading your post. Just because he is married and has decided to work on his M doesn't mean that he can't miss you and the R you had outside of the sex. I imagine that you talked, were friends, confided in each other...so he's obviously in an unhappy M end now showing his true colors...it still doesn't mean that he had feelings for you. Maybe he does miss the sex....maybe its awkward and he's trying to make things more comfortable being that you are neighbors...maybe he can't completely let go of having you in his life.. You have to decide what's right for you. Do you want the A to start up again? Do you miss him? These are questions that no one can answer but you.
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 You can set the pace right now by telling him if he needs to talk to you, he's welcome to, but your husband has to be there as well. That will put him off completely as there is NO way he'll speak to you with your H present by your side. I'm sure in his mind he thinks you'll cave, like you have in the past. Anyway, don't try to figure him out, it doesn't matter anymore.
Meaplus3 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Hi FF, NO Don't meet with him and talk, it will get you NO where FF, blieve me! I would like to know how you are letting him corner you? If you truely wanted away from this "A" you would not allow that to happen. You are Happy in your marriage now I assume, so be happy with H and forget this MM. AP BTW- As a reminder you know I can relate. I now have to view MM and W sitting out on their damm deck chating while I entertain and play with their children in my yard like I have for the past 10 year's. Makes me SICK that MM is such a good fake. MM said to me one time that one of the reason's he stay's with his wife is because she let's him do what he want's. Boy does this MM have his W fooled, to sad, but sad for them I say.
Author forbidden fruit Posted June 1, 2007 Author Posted June 1, 2007 That he misses you. That was the first thought that popped into my head after reading your post. Just because he is married and has decided to work on his M doesn't mean that he can't miss you and the R you had outside of the sex. I imagine that you talked, were friends, confided in each other...so he's obviously in an unhappy M end now showing his true colors...it still doesn't mean that he had feelings for you. Maybe he does miss the sex....maybe its awkward and he's trying to make things more comfortable being that you are neighbors...maybe he can't completely let go of having you in his life.. You have to decide what's right for you. Do you want the A to start up again? Do you miss him? These are questions that no one can answer but you. I do not want the A to start up , but my feelings are not gone so I cannot be friends with him as he would like. Babybird I am not sure what you meant when you said he doesn't have feelings for me. He must feel something in order to come back. Anyways not important, only thing that is important is that I am strong around him and right now I am not. I am strong when I am not around him, but he knows there is a time limit and I am almost over the whole thing and now he thinks it is time to pull the rope in or he will lose me forever. I am still unsure of what to tell him when he calls. I am just being honest and I know some people cannot understand why sometimes I can be so strong and sometimes not. It is that thing the struggle between heart and mind. To answer your other question yes we were inseparable as friends for about a year before the A.
Lizzie60 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Hi FF, NO Don't meet with him and talk, it will get you NO where FF, blieve me! I would like to know how you are letting him corner you? If you truely wanted away from this "A" you would not allow that to happen. You are Happy in your marriage now I assume, so be happy with H and forget this MM. AP BTW- As a reminder you know I can relate. I now have to view MM and W sitting out on their damm deck chating while I entertain and play with their children in my yard like I have for the past 10 year's. Makes me SICK that MM is such a good fake. MM said to me one time that one of the reason's he stay's with his wife is because she let's him do what he want's. Boy does this MM have his W fooled, to sad, but sad for them I say. one of the reason's he stay's with his wife is because she let's him do what he want's. It's probably true... he can have his family, his children, everything plus a mistress or two... what more can he ask for... she might be having an affair too...who knows? or she just wants the financial security and her famiy around...the sex and the intimacy is probably no longer a priority for her so she just doesn't care anymore. I know I've been there...
Meaplus3 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 one of the reason's he stay's with his wife is because she let's him do what he want's. It's probably true... he can have his family, his children, everything plus a mistress or two... what more can he ask for... she might be having an affair too...who knows? or she just wants the financial security and her famiy around...the sex and the intimacy is probably no longer a priority for her so she just doesn't care anymore. I know I've been there... I think that's pretty sad. what kind of marriage is that? One of convience I guess. AP
movinon05 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 only thing that is important is that I am strong around him and right now I am not. I am strong when I am not around him, but he knows there is a time limit and I am almost over the whole thing and now he thinks it is time to pull the rope in or he will lose me forever. I am still unsure of what to tell him when he calls. I am just being honest and I know some people cannot understand why sometimes I can be so strong and sometimes not. It is that thing the struggle between heart and mind. I don't believe you are "almost over the whole thing". It just doesn't happen that fast. You got angry, made decisions, took some action, and now you're faltering. You're now "still unsure" of what to tell him when he calls. Its very common. You "assume" he wants to pull in the rope or lose you forever. You either stick to your decision or you don't. It doesn't matter what he wants. Its what you want. Are you sure you know what you want? If you're sure you don't want to be his friend, you make that clear to him in no uncertain terms, no ifs, ands, or buts.
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