zilverenvlinder Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 I would like to explain my situation and I'm wondering if anyone here has been in a similar one or would like to share some advice. So, as some of you know, my fiance Ryan and I have on-and-off problems. I don't know if you recall the video game incident (I found his ex-girlfriend's name on the High Score list on a video game he's only had for about two months), but now it's getting a little worse. So, I know it's not right to snoop, but I DO go through his telly phone once in awhile and I am often seeing his ex-girlfriends' names down the list of recent calls. Now, he's stopped having sex with me. Yes, he has stopped having sex with me and when I was sleeping with him the other night, I woke up in the middle of the night and found him in the attic jerking off to porn. This usually would not bother me. What does bother me is he seems to have replaced real sex with porn. I don't think I've had sex in two weeks. It is really bothering me. I've got the Fortnight Itch. Also, he is on Myspace ALL the time. I really hate Myspace. I really do. Two of his exes are on his Top friends list and I have a suspicion that they message each other all the time, since he never has new comments. Also, there is a girl that he keeps talking about that works with him that he's trying to "hook his friend up with". Puh-lease. I've been there. I know what that means. And now, he is trying to set up certain days of the week that he can be "alone and work on his photography". That's absolutely fine, but why does he want a set TIME that he wants to be without me? Like, "I can't see you Tuesday or Thursday". If he wants to be alone, he just has to call me. Does it seem like he's trying to make sure I'm not going to "show up" at his house? Weird. Am I being paranoid? What do you think I should do about this? I am really honestly being a snoop but I can't help it. Do you think I should snoop some more? I've gotten into plenty of trouble for it before. Thanks guys.
champagne Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 I am sorry you're going through this and you are warranted for being concerned. He is not treating you like a fiancee. He is treating you like crap. Sorry but I do have the feeling he is going to be using Tues. and Thurs. nights to be cheating on you. Plus the porn thing...well, that just isn't acceptable. I think you need to do some serious thinking on if this is the type of man you want to be married to. I don't see how it would get any better. Let some other woman be miserable married to him. Sit down with him and express your concerns and how he's making you feel...and break it off if he's not willing to give up the exgirlfriends, etc.
Author zilverenvlinder Posted May 31, 2007 Author Posted May 31, 2007 Well, thank you champagne, I'm glad to see I'm not totally schizophrenic. ^-^ I really should talk to him about everything I just said. The problem is, I tried to last night after he replaced me with Jenna. (You know. Jameson.) I just felt sooo sexually frustrated and I was irritated that I wasn't getting any. So when he was done with his little computer affair, I asked him what I'd done wrong. He told me to stop freaking out. This is sort of what happens every time I try to talk to him about something. That's why I let the video game thing slide... I decided I had to pick my battles carefully, because it seems that when I calmly bring things up, he gets really defensive and mean about it. Kind of like a kindergartner. But when we're happy, we're totally happy and it's great. We have so much fun together, and I know I couldn't BEAR to see him with another woman. I can't even think about it! It makes me sick! But I'm a grown up, I think I might have to talk to him about all this crap. If he acts like a baby about it, then maybe I don't want him Forever and Ever after all.
LakesideDream Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Zil, the truth? Your BF isn't very mature. He's obviously no willing to make, and keep a committment to you. These problems you face will not improve with marriage. I suggest you "postpone" the wedding if you have actually set a date. Honestly, I would postpone it indefinetly . Your guy needs to grow up.
orleannaprice Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 And pull way, way, way back. Don't be available to him. Disappear as much as possible. Stop trying to "dialogue" because apparently, that hasn't gotten you anywhere with him. He sounds like he just shuts down when you open your mouth. Through actions, reveal to him that you can live without him, if need be. When you create your own life and stop worrying about what he's up to, he will soon start worrying about what you are up to. If he does not respond, you have your answer. Either way, you'll be on the road to getting your own life. Good luck!
VegasGirl_77 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 zilver - well, it looks like we have some things in common. thanks for your posts in my thread by the way - it sure is nice to know that there is someone else out there who feels like they arent being treated that well by their significant others. in your case, you definitely arent being treated that well. he really is taking advantage of you, and what is with the porn thing anyways? my boyfriend has been watching more porn lately, and its really disturbing. i offer him sex all the time and he never wants it unless its his way...so then he reverts to porn. *sigh* not a good thing. its frustrating to feel that way, like you cant even please your own guy, someone who is supposed to love you and take care of you. that's why in my thread i was toying with the idea of hooking up with this other guy - just to feel like i could finally please SOMEONE...because obviously what i am trying here at home isnt working. in my case, i cant accuse my bf of cheating because well...he's a pretty honest guy and he cant keep a secret for crap. but in your case, it sure does sound like he might be cheating. have you confronted him about his behavior? i think the best advice i saw here was the advice that said to break it off before doing anything. i think thats what i may end up doing if things dont change.
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