Chiquita27 Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 Ok..Here is my story and I would really appreciate some feedback/advice/wake up call. Around a year ago I met someone over a dating site. We started messaging eachother and then talked over the phone and ended up meeting and really liking eachother. We then started dating and everything was going well, I met his family he met mine and we used to spend a lot of time together. To me things were going well. One day he drove me up to his parents around 2 hours from our city just to tell me somebody he really liked had become available and that he was going to try to have something with that girl instead. I was obviously devastated since I totally didn't see it coming. I didn't hear from him for around 2 months. One day he called and asked me to go for a coffee...I said yes...so it turned out things with this new girl hadn't worked out. I was bitter at the beginning and wasn't really into trying to be his friend or anything, but my liking for him was stronger than anything and we started to spend time together again. He said he wanted to see if things would work out between us again and I was willing to give it another chance. But again, he backed out and said he rather try to date other women but that I had become one of his best friends. Now, I'm having a hard time being his "best friend" since it's hurting me a lot to see him go out with other girls. Deep down inside I have really strong feelings for him and I'm not sure if I stick around because his friendship is valuable to me or because I hope he realizes he wants something with me. I don't want to let go but it seems like my head and my heart are having a huge battle. I think this is also affecting my self esteem because at some points I feel kinda worthless since he always ends up changing his mind when he's with me. I know I shouldn't think that way but I can't help it. Please give me some advice, I am sick of feeling like this Thanks!
socialight Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 but you don't want to be this guys friend. by that I mean it is not in your best interest. you want to be his gf or nothing else. so don't settle for this "friends" stuff. and don't hang around him unless you are dating. You never mentioned if you were seeing other guys while he was tooling around with this other girl . you should have been. always have a back up plan. better yet have 2 or 3. you will be amazed how much better you behave and feel when you have options.
Author Chiquita27 Posted June 1, 2007 Author Posted June 1, 2007 Unfortunately I haven't seen any other guys since I fell for him. I used to feel like I would be betraying my feelings for him if I started seeing other guys. Obviously that wasn't my best option... Thanks!
curiousnycgirl Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 This guy wants his cake and to eat it too - at your expense. He's trying to keep you dangling - why are you letting him? You need to take care of YOU at this point, and unfortunately that means letting him go, completely. Initiate and stick with no contact! Don't keep giving hinm the power to hurt you and your self esteem.
Lizzie60 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 you need to get out of this situation ASAP before he completely destroys you. Now, I'm having a hard time being his "best friend" since it's hurting me a lot to see him go out with other girls. Deep down inside I have really strong feelings for him and I'm not sure if I stick around because his friendship is valuable to me or because I hope he realizes he wants something with me. I don't want to let go but it seems like my head and my heart are having a huge battle. I think this is also affecting my self esteem because at some points I feel kinda worthless since he always ends up changing his mind when he's with me. I know I shouldn't think that way but I can't help it. This guy is not that into you ... plain and simple. You CAN'T be his 'best friend' because you're in love with him and it will just be too painful. He doesn't give a hoot about your feelings...he's selfish. You're right though IT WILL AFFECT your self-esteem... so you need to get out of this real soon. If you know you shouldn't think that way but can't help it... you're dependant, sorry but in my vocabulary it's 'doormat'... you let him walk all over you.
JoL Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 You need to cut yourself off from this guy right away. RIGHT AWAY! He is keeping you around "just in case"..you are his back-up plan. He has hurt you, used you and made you look like a fool. You need to delete his number, any contact details you have of his, and just end any relationship/friendship you have with him. You will never move on and get on with your life if you don't.
Author Chiquita27 Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Everything you guys say is very helpful and I can't but appreciate the eye opening. However, it's really hard to let go......I stop talking to him and then he calls and I don't know what to do. A side of me says I shouldn't talk to him for my own sake, but another side of me tells me it's not his fault he doesn't feel anything for me. Why should I deprive him of my frienship. I don't know I'm so confused...and so dependant of him. I really don't like feeling like this.
bbanks Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I have to agree with the others. You have to stop all contact with this individual for your own good. I know that it is SO SO HARD to do but after a few days it gets easier. I am going through a similar situation and it is very hard because I want to know what they're up to and how they're doing all the time..like we did for four years. Its weird not knowing what they are up to but they are surely wondering the same thing about you. Co-dependence is not healthy at all and one of the phases of getting over someone is finding that you can survive on your own. I think this person is keeping you along in case things don't work out but that is probably not the type of person you want to be involved with. Once you break contact, you will probably find them struggling to keep up with you..try it and you'll see...they always realize what they've lost..karma is a b**ch...
Author Chiquita27 Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Do I just go ahead and not talk to him anymore? or do I explain to him what I have decided. I don't know how to do it since we are in "friend" terms. He has noticed now that I have changed with him. I don't even feel comfortable around him anymore, I look at him and only wonder where he was the night before and doubt every word that comes out of his mouth. I clearly don't enjoy his company anymore.
NC377 Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I've done it both ways. With one ex, I explained how I felt and then blocked him from all my e-mail accounts and instant messaging cause I felt so hurt. He wouldn't leave me alone. With another ex, I didn't explain anything and got on with my life. Luckily, he never really contacted me again. Whatever makes you feel good. I have learned from experience that I always need to look after ME. Everytime I looked after my ex first, I got screwed.
Jack'a Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Sometimes you need to realize that some people are just not worth your friendship... It sounds like a harsh thing to say, and you probably may feel bad if you adopt that thought, but think about it this way... " sometimes it's better to be alone than to be with bad company". The whole thing sounded to me like he was just using you as an emotional bank, making his deposits and getting your interest, and then withdraw his share with your interest on top of it and leaving you feeling empty & worthless... Friends DON'T make friends feel worthless...
snowdiamond Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Hi! I know exactly how you feel. I think you really need to just cut him off. That what I did with my ex. I just stopped calling him and sending any emails. I got rid of his phone numbers, emails, and all other reminders of him out of my life. I realized that he was not worth my time. He hurt me in the worst way. You don't owe your friend any explanation about why you aren't going to contact him. Just do it. If you know that this guy is treating you this way and he keeps hurting you, don't be available to him anymore. That's why he keeps calling. He knows you'll be around. Give this dude a taste of his own medicine and cut his a** off! One thing I know for sure is that he'll definitely be wondering why you've changed. I know it will be hard, but you really need to go no contact. Turn the tables on him and move on! Just remember that you deserve better! A real man wouldn't treat you the way he's treating you.
passionpeach Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 You really need to get your head straight. Do not let your emotions control. You can see what is happening. You were even able to write about it. You just have to learn how to love yourself more than anyone else. I suggest that you save all the dignity that you have left even though you know that it will hurt. You will soon be fine. You do not need a man you just treats you as his shock absorber or fall back girl. Pick yourself up and prove him your worth. It will hurt you big time since you love him but you should realize that he is not worth it. Pain is temporary but dignity is forever.
sweetprincess78 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 it seems as if he wants you around but doesn't want you...i suggest u move on...don't even be his freind..ur just his backup plan...he knows u like him...and hes taking advantage of ur weakness..don't let him step on u like this...be the bigger person...show him ur strong...and just move on...yeh it will hurt cuz u like him a lot...but you will get over him once you stop talking to him.
Author Chiquita27 Posted June 19, 2007 Author Posted June 19, 2007 Sooo, I had to see this guy again to attend an event we had committed to go since a while ago. We started having a conversation about people in our lives and he mentioned something about his cousin's ex-girlfriend being annoying to him, because she still wanted him and he didn't. Then I asked him if he ever felt like that with me. He clearly stated that I had bothered him for a while and that's why he was mean to me. I told him I didn't appreciate being mistreated by someone I had cared about a lot and to whom I had been nothing but good. He said that he would only be nice to someone that is worthwhile of his good treatment. In other words he made it sound like I was worthless to him. He also mentioned that he felt good that a pretty woman like me felt like she was not good enough for him. Then he went back and said he was going to try to be nice to me from now on. I told him NOT to put any effort into me, that I didn't need anything from him and that it was best if I just got out of his life instead. He didn't have anything to say to that. I was really sad...I thought that at least he appreciated me a little, but realized he didn't at all.
Pixie-Minx Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 sound exactly like my ex yet i was going out with him! you will come to realise that these people just arnt worth your time.....you should not have to MAKE THE EFFORT to be nice to people u care about, it comes naturally.......as horrible as it sounds.. this guy is an arsehole, he has no respect for you and you should now have lost respect in him....you wont stop loving him right away, but you can stop him hurting you....by walking away, why put yourself up for more pain? everytime u heart says i love him, let your head think of the horrible things he has done..
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