sockpuppet Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 This is presumably the last thread in a series I've had here, regarding a girl I've been involved with for about a year and a half. Just as a quick recap: Between September-January I was a real jerk to her, it was a distance thing and I was dealing with a lot of issues with myself, and ended up making her feel really bad about her past sexual history. Over this time I told her it wasn't her but I didn't do a very good job controlling my feelings. She got hurt a lot but she stuck with me...still, in January I decided we should take a break. A month passed, I realized all I had done and quickly became more myself. So I wanted to get back with her. She told me she loved me still but couldn't trust me and couldn't date me, that I'd have to help her trust me again. I told her I understood and I'd work towards that with her. So we talked a lot more, I avoided the subject of "us" and I helped her get internships in my area. She started opening up to me again, and her lack of trust was evident but we were working on it. She was down a lot and said things to me like "I'm not sure I'll ever be good enough for you" that showed she was still hurting and I did my best to reassure her. Then, it seems like something changed. She started partying every night with her group of guy friends, and I fell by the wayside, and her confidence and happiness (apparently) skyrocketed. So I dealt with this by looking for some reassurance from her...asking her to tell me if her feelings had changed and what her plans were for us. She avoided talking about it, which made me worry more. The more I pushed, the more she pulled away and the more she said I was just creating drama. A few days passed without us talking, then she got called for an interview in my area. We started talking normally again, she came out. Things went GREAT. She and I clicked really well, I played it cool and she came onto me strong, she acted like a girlfriend the whole time she was here. We agreed it was too soon to date but I figured we would be working towards that, especially with her telling me she loved me and missed me over this whole period. She also was intimate with me, and had sex with me while she was here. I initiated but I had made it clear I wanted to be with her and I thought she'd wanted the same. After she'd left things went alright, though after a week or so, she started acting weird, pulled back again. I asked her to tell me when she was planning on coming out in case she wanted me to drive down with her, she was hesitant. I called her one day and told her I was worried about the signals she was sending me and that I was putting myself in a position to get hurt if she was planning on living with me and not working towards us being a couple while she was out here. I mean she talked about coming home with me, traveling with me, the idea of us going on dates, and over this whole period constantly told me she loved me and missed me...she was saying she just wanted us to live together and do all that as "friends." So I pressed her to just tell me what she wanted with me. She said "just to forgive you and trust you again," I asked her if that was all that was keeping her from wanting to date me, she said yes. Then I said, "so that means you still love me like you'd always had, you miss me, and you're not moving on?" She said, "I miss what we were." Then I asked her to answer the rest. She said "I don't love you like I used to," and "you'd probably be happier moving on, I won't be able to date you for a while and this constant drama isn't good." I asked, "and you?" She took about 10mins to answer, and said, "is it any surprise?" (that she's moving on). At this I was crushed. I felt like I'd been totally misled. I called her, pretty upset, and told her this. She said it's my fault for having expectations, and that she'd been honest with me. I asked her if she could see the contradictory signals she'd been sending me, and what she meant when she said she loved me if she didn't love me the way she used to and wasn't in love with me anymore either. She just didn't seem to understand at all, and totally flipped out everytime I suggested she take some responsibility for being like that with me...she got especially mad when I brought up the fact that she slept with me when she was last here (I brought it up among other things, not by itself). At this point a lot of people would probably say, "is it really worth it?" YES. I hurt this girl a lot and she is worth it. However I want to reach a point where we can move forward and actually work past all the past issues. She just seems angrier now about stuff that happened 7 months ago than she's ever been. So I'm looking for some advice on how to handle this, some insights in to what is going on in her head, etc... I know talking about "us" and trying to hold on in and of itself is a terrible idea. I know that my only chance with her is to take things easy and go with the flow, to not stress, to move on if I have to, and to hope that things work out in the end. It's just, we're 400 miles apart and it will take work either way, more than it would if we lived close together. Sorry once again for another long post.
Author sockpuppet Posted May 31, 2007 Author Posted May 31, 2007 The "is it any surprise?" thing is the real killer. It WAS a surprise to me. Also it is basically saying, "even if I do have feelings for you now, I want them gone...' Argh..
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