rtHawk Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 Hi in my LTR for 4.65yrs now...for the first 1.5 we were close by; he moved with career and it was just 2 hrs so we saw each other during the week and part of weekend mostly..he moved again for career and now 4 hrs by car.... so, we basically spent these past 6 months with each other for the weekends or long weekends. I have the opportunity to move, career and all to be closer to him but only by about an hour apart. We have had the usual trials and tribulations of lTR, he also cheated on me 2 years ago and somehow we prevailed (or I more so) to give himm the R and us a chance to grow and be a better couple as a result of it. Of course, it never changes or takes away the feeling of uncertainty that it can't ever happen again.... being cheated on just destroys some of the implicit trust and belief you have in your SO and that can never be regained to the same degree. Here is my dilemma, these past 2 months, we will not and have not been able to be with each other but one time in 6 weeks. I was expressive of my unhappiness with it and he took it as me not dealing appropriately with the reasons why, which have more to do with his work, career and other family needs. I understand them, just didn't handle the idea of the seperation v. well at first..tears etc.. He also, is very concerned that i am moving and uprooting my kids (teens +)for just him and can't handle the guilt..... I have tried to explain that it is as much about something good for me, my kids and us....not his responsibility or burden if it doesn't work out well. the odd things is now. we just spent a long weekend together and won't see each other for 3 weeks again and yet when we are together he is great, sweet and we have a great time with each other, loving and all... the time apart, he seems to withdraw some --reduces contact, more just on line, fewer person to person call-interactions -- it feeels very odd and Jekyll and Hyde like to me... it is different than 2 months ago even..... does anyone have any idea what this could possibly be about?? have you expereienced this with your LTR SO or done this yourself.. it has me very frustrated and so instead of feeling calm and okay till our next time together, I get more upset, more freaked out, more likely to keep calling and then he doesn't call me back. UGH// seems so bizarre to me.
BohemeRose Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 My LD boyfriend acts in a somewhat similar manner. When we're together (which is only every few months!) he's the doting lover, but when we're apart he withdraws a bit. I took offense to it at first until one day he said to me (while I was crying at him for "not wanting to talk to me" or something like that) "Hey, it's hard for me that we're apart, too. You're not the only one who is miles away from the person they love most." And it dawned on me...he pulls back a little to spare his feelings and cope with the distance. It may not be my preferance of how he deals with it, but if it's what will help him maintain our relationship, I'm willing to compromise and let him pull back a little. It sounds like your guy really does have your best interest at heart. He's worried about you and your kids, and that's a really good sign. If moving closer to him really will be better for your family then by all means, do it. But trust me, a little distance is nothing compared to the potential of some day having the rest of your lives together.
Author rtHawk Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 thanks B-Rose; i appreciate reading that; somehow I think he misses me too, but he is so much less communicative and expressive about even wanting or needing it so it leaves me feeling frustrated. We always have had much much more communication but these past 6 weeks with barely any contact and very very littel connection have worn me down. I am feeling distant, distanced, disconnected and almost have an "I don't really care anymore" kind of feeling and yet it troubles me and feels bad. I was just thinking about how much fun and joy and love we shared last summer and so far, this summer feels so distant and disconnected. I am wondering if it is a bit of a self-portective mechanism that I have started losing interest, I too don't call or write much and in some way it just doesn't feel right and in another I almost don't care. I would love to get our R back on track as it feels very off right now... it is hard to not have consistent and regular contact; I feel as it is detrimental to the R. I hang in there, but there have been times that I feel like it is becoming a lost cause and i haven't felt like this for a long time and for a very different reason. I also find email, very impersonal. I realize that it may be the only source sometimes for some people and that is better than none, but I really prefer person-to-person verbal contact.... so when he emails me and there is no conversation for 2 weeks now, which we is something more new to us now, this separation feels soooooo much more a separation then just time apart.
Recommended Posts