AngieQueb Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 I met this guy online about a month or so ago. He's 38 and I'm 34. He was married for < 1 year and has been divorced for approx. 2-3 months. He didn't tell me this until our 1st date and it was a red flag for me (b/c he probably wants to play the field) but he was in total pursuit mode...so I just went with it. He would call me everyday (even when I didn't think he would) and we'd have great conversations about everything under the sun. He didn't even abide by the "3 day rule" and called me the very next day after our date wanting to see me again. We did not have sex, although the last time we were together (3 weeks ago today), we were pretty intimate with each other. I sensed later that night that he was pulling away. I didn't say anything and just went with it. The very next day, I got a call from my boss who asked me to take a temporary assignment in Connecticut (I'm in Texas). The opportunity is a good one...however, the timing sucks b/c I really liked this guy and wanted to see where things might go. I told him about the assignment and explained that I was going to take it because it was a good opportunity for me...but that I have really enjoyed hanging out with him and hoped that we could continue to hang out and get to know each other better despite me being gone for the next 4 months (they're flying me home every other weekend). He seemed receptive to the conversation and even called me later that same night. We talked for ~ 2 hours and he asked me out for the next night. Unfortunately, he called and cancelled the date with me on Friday and said that he wasn't feeling good. He hasn't called since then. I did so good about not pursuing, not chasing, etc. I didn't try to contact him at all for 2 1/2 weeks. I kept hoping that he would miss me and would call me...but on Monday, I broke the NC. I sent him a casual email that said, "Hey there...so I'm just really curious here...Was it something I said or did? Or do I need to seriously consider investing in some new deodorant?? I just haven't heard from you in awhile and so I was curious...that's all! Hope you're doing good!" He responded, "Hey Angie - I am glad you reached out to me. I want you to know that you did nothing wrong and that your deodorant is okay. I just feel that we went to fast. You are a great person and you deserve better. I hope you are doing okay. You never know we might run into each other down the road. Good luck with the Connecticut job. Take care - S [FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif] When I rec'd his email...I thought about my options and how each option might be perceived by him. I felt as though my choices were: a. Not respond at all - I didn't choose this response b/c I felt that he would perceive that I was pissed at him and that I would never want to speak with him again because he dumped me. b. Respond and tell him what a jerk he is - I obviously didn't choose this option b/c it would've gotten me nowhere. c. Respond by agreeing with him and letting him go - I have read many books on relationships and they recommend that the quickest way to get someone to quit "fleeing" when they are trying to leave a relationship is to agree with them and let them go. When someone gives you your freedom...oftentimes, it's not so important for you to have it anymore. I chose this option and sent him the following response: "Well, I'm so glad to know that my deodorant is working okay! I paid high dollar for that stuff! ha! ha! :-) You know...it's so funny you mention that things had moved too fast between us. I couldn't agree with you more! In fact, when I got the job opportunity in CT, I honestly thought, "This opportunity will actually be good because it'll force us to slow things way down." I don't think either of us went into this expecting that there would be so much chemistry between us, nor did we expect to have so much fun with each other. It just sort of happened, and I'll be the first to admit that I got caught up in the excitement of it all, but I totally agree with you that things were moving way too fast. I could be wrong, but being recently divorced...I can't imagine you're looking for anything serious right now. I'm sure you want to date around now that you're single again and honestly, who can blame you?? Dallas is such a great city to date around in and you should definitely take full advantage of it!! Heck...you'd be crazy not to! :-) On the same note...with me going to CT for the next 3 - 4 months...I don't think a serious relationship is in the cards for me right now either and so this is probably for the best. I want to explore all that the East Coast has to offer and intend to take full advantage of this opportunity. At the end of the day...we both deserve to be happy and get everything our hearts desire...regardless of whether that happiness involves each other or not. Who knows what the future holds down the road, but I want you to know I don't regret the time we've spent together at all. I hope you have a great summer and please know that I wish you nothing but the best!" I sent it around 10:30 p.m. on Monday night. so I'm sure he didn't receive it until yesterday morning...less than 48 hours ago. I obviously haven't heard from him. Although I hoped I might...I really wasn't expecting to. Because he didn't call me for 2 1/2 weeks and it took me reaching out to him to find out what happened...my guess is that he was fully expecting me to fight for a second chance, beg him not to leave, or convince him that his decision was a bad one...yadda...yadda...yadda. So I think that the fact that I agreed with him, told him I felt the same way and that perhaps this was for the best, encouraged him to date others, told him I was going to seize the opportunity in CT, left the door open to future potential...yet told him that regardless of whether we were in each other's lives or not...we both deserved to be happy and I wished him all the best...this is probably not the response he was expecting at all....but I could be wrong!! Just so you know where I stand now...I will not initiate any communication with him at all. I'm leaving for CT on Monday and fully intend to make the most of it. I do hope that he'll miss me and he'll want to try again...but I'm not holding my breath on it. I guess my questions for you are: 1. Do you think that my response to him will cause him to stop running or keep fleeing? 2. Do you think that my response closed the door on any future possibilities with him? 3. Do you think that my response sounded needy/clingy or did it portray self confidence? [/FONT]
KaneNAbel Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 The mistake is that you sent that last email. Sorry, after awhile, I couldn't read through the rest of your post. Maybe it's my ADD. You met him online, so maybe he found someone else online, who knows, who cares. I'm sure that you will find someone else. Go enjoy your assignment. If you keep worrying about this guy, then you won't find anyone else. Don't fly back every weekend. Explore this new place. Just live for yourself. Sooner or later someone will come along. They always do.
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