Krytellan Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Do even the sweetest, most mature, and no-games women need to be made to chase sometimes? Do even the women that don't give a hoot about the "rules" part of dating need a man to act aloof at times... just to make them work occasionally? Within the confines of an already loving and commited relationship I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I'm not following you, Krytie, but I get the feeling (again) that you might be feeling as though your GF is taking advantage of your awesomeness...? I *think* I fall into your definition of "a sweetest, most mature, and no-games woman." If I were in a relationship and all of a sudden found myself feeling as though I needed to give chase, it would be because I felt him pulling away from me...and the panic would set in. I'd hate that more than anything, and it would make me feel very insecure within the relationship. But to me, a healthy relationship is based in part on consistency, which is one of the foundations of trust. Don't make her play a game with you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Do even the sweetest, most mature, and no-games women need to be made to chase sometimes? Do even the women that don't give a hoot about the "rules" part of dating need a man to act aloof at times... just to make them work occasionally?. of course they do brother Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Stargazer, I couldn't have said it better! That's exactly right. Especially the part about consistency building trust. If my guy pulled away and knew that would make me more insecure, then I would feel he didn't care about my feeling loved and safe. Having said that, I do agree a guy can give too much. If a woman seems a bit unappreciative, there's nothing wrong with giving a little less to help balance things out. But that's a different approach...and one that seeks to preserve a relationship's balance of reciprocity. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Do even the sweetest, most mature, and no-games women need to be made to chase sometimes? Do even the women that don't give a hoot about the "rules" part of dating need a man to act aloof at times... just to make them work occasionally? Within the confines of an already loving and commited relationship I mean. There is no question about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Absolutely not, that's ridiculous. Within the confines of a marriage/relationship? I think it would be relationship suicide. Only someone who repeatedly fails at having a relationship/marriage would believe otherwise. I can't imagine acting aloof towards my H (deliberately anyway!). I mean really. Think about how ridiculous that is. If my H did that to me, I'd just get pissed. It certainly wouldn't turn me on in any way or make me want him more. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Touche, welcome to the World of Being Wrong. Actually after a relationship is established, you do want to settle into a nice comfortable rut where there are no surprises. But while the relationship is new and exciting, there's nothing more reassuring than having the other person put in some effort. If there is no balance, and I find I'm making all the moves, then I'll back off just to see whether she is really into me or whether she's just thriving on my attention. It's important to me to see her put in some effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Touche, welcome to the World of Being Wrong. Actually after a relationship is established, you do want to settle into a nice comfortable rut where there are no surprises. But while the relationship is new and exciting, there's nothing more reassuring than having the other person put in some effort. If there is no balance, and I find I'm making all the moves, then I'll back off just to see whether she is really into me or whether she's just thriving on my attention. It's important to me to see her put in some effort. Wow, I have NO idea what you're talking about here. Yes, that's what we're talking about. The bolded part above. That's exactly what I was talking about. Not when it's new. I thought the OP was specifically asking about that and not when a relationship is new. Please re-read the original post. I don't disagree with anything you said above. So how am I wrong? Perhaps you should welcome yourself to the "World of Being Wrong." Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I am actually in the World of Not Reading the Last Sentence of the Initial Post. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I am actually in the World of Not Reading the Last Sentence of the Initial Post. Either that or the Lager World! But also, you didn't read my first post on here. I specifically qualified my remarks by stating that I was talking about within the confines of a committed relationship (as per the OP's query.) I agree that when a relationship is new, the dynamic is a little different. And of course, each party should ALWAYS show their interest (if they are indeed interested), whether the relationship is new or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Do even the sweetest, most mature, and no-games women need to be made to chase sometimes? Do even the women that don't give a hoot about the "rules" part of dating need a man to act aloof at times... just to make them work occasionally? Within the confines of an already loving and commited relationship I mean. Within the confines of a loving and committed relationship, absolutely not. Once games start to enter any relationship like that, it creates insecurities and misunderstandings. Neither party should have to chase each other but both parties have to continue appreciating and wooing each other daily. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Within the confines of a loving and committed relationship, absolutely not. Once games start to enter any relationship like that, it creates insecurities and misunderstandings. Neither party should have to chase each other but both parties have to continue appreciating and wooing each other daily. Seriously, how stupid was your exH to ruin things with you.... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Seriously, how stupid was your exH to ruin things with you.... You don't even know half of it. I've known boneheads before, but this guy takes the cake. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Within the confines of a loving and committed relationship, absolutely not. Once games start to enter any relationship like that, it creates insecurities and misunderstandings. Neither party should have to chase each other but both parties have to continue appreciating and wooing each other daily. what if you're just stringing the other person along for sex or other selfish reasons? what if you have no intention of marrying them ever and you just want to "use" them for a year or two or three? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 You don't even know half of it. I've known boneheads before, but this guy takes the cake. Her posts have been shear brilliance. They are incredible. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 what if you're just stringing the other person along for sex or other selfish reasons? what if you have no intention of marrying them ever and you just want to "use" them for a year or two or three? In that case, I'd say anything goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 what if you're just stringing the other person along for sex or other selfish reasons? what if you have no intention of marrying them ever and you just want to "use" them for a year or two or three? She said loving and committed relationship. Big difference from what you are referring to. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Seriously, how stupid was your exH to ruin things with you.... You don't even know half of it. I've known boneheads before, but this guy takes the cake. Awww... You've all seen my nasty side too on LS. I should run back and erase them all. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Her posts have been shear brilliance. They are incredible. I know it. So much charm and intelligence. I hang on every word typed with so much wisdom and authority and yet so delicately. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 what if you're just stringing the other person along for sex or other selfish reasons? what if you have no intention of marrying them ever and you just want to "use" them for a year or two or three? That's neither committed or a relationship. That's a mutual user situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I know it. So much charm and intelligence. I hang on every word typed with so much wisdom and authority and yet so delicately. And they say sarcasm doesn't translate to text... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 That's neither committed or a relationship. That's a mutual user situation. no i mean what if you like or love someone you're in a relationship with but you can't see yourself with them forever. or you like them just enought to stay with them cause of some other reason. its like a temporary commited relationship. of course there would be some lying and deciept going on one persons part. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 In that case, I'd say anything goes. Do whatever comes naturally to you. (i before e, except after c.) Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 no i mean what if you like or love someone you're in a relationship with but you can't see yourself with them forever. or you like them just enought to stay with them cause of some other reason. its like a temporary commited relationship. of course there would be some lying and deciept going on one persons part. Alpha, this isn't what I call a healthy committed relationship. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Alpha, this isn't what I call a healthy committed relationship. Sorry. your missing my point TBF....the other person would THINK its a healthy committed relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
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