whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 See for a woman, when her affair is over it is no longer of any consequence. It's done, history, past... just forget about it... I think this goes for men too...Just go read more threads all over the place! If someone cheats and feels they can get away with it, they won't tell.
bish Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 No, don't tell. You did you what you did and you're the one who has to live with it. . I always like that answer. Like he is going to be traumatized by what he did. Something tells me he'll live with it quite well.
FireandIce Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 I have and I would have rather known about it before I did instead of walking around oblivious and feeling like an idiot. ITA! I think it's unfair of any WH to continue on with the marriage after an affair without letting the wife know. It's best to do it now than let someone else spill it to her later on. She'll feel like a fool if she finds out in a year or two and I'm sure will be twice as angry with you.
bish Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Why did you cheat? If you see it as your wife's fault in some way then you might want to tell her. But if it's completely your fault then check yourself for STD's and don't ever do it again. Both to tell or not to tell have advantages and disadvantages. Apparently the major drawbacks of telling include your wife being hurt, ruining the marriage, and a possibility to split. The advantage of telling could be if you needed something from your wife that she failed to privide for a long time. Thats basically emotional and sexual extortion. Then she'd be "providing" these things simply out of fear of him cheating again. Not all of everyone's needs are going to be met in a marriage. To cheat because of that is just plain and simple selfishness and total disregard for someone the cheater claims to love.
RecordProducer Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 See for a woman, when her affair is over it is no longer of any consequence. It's done, history, past... just forget about it... The question is related to guilt and how it affects the marriage. You're implying that a woman has no sense of guilt whatsoever and her affair wouldn't affect the marriage in any way. Regarding being in love, I don't see why a woman would be emotionless about an affair, while a man would have some feelings. No sex has a monopoly on love, guilt or change of feelings.
Chubbi Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I think you should tell her you slept around. Put yourself in her shoes. But I think you already know that. I think you already know it's right to tell her- to be honest. The only thing we can do in this life is what we think is right.
LakesideDream Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Consider, I was married for 25 years to a woman who cheated on me off and on for 23 of those years. A weekend here and there, visiting friends. Back to her hometown for a funeral, (worked three times!). In the final five years or so she "branched out" to a few co-workers. I never found out... and never looked very hard. The truth didn't come out until the kids were grown, and out of the house. Then it was time to join her long term lover and trash both marriages. Would I have wanted to know. The answer has to be no. I didn't respond to the danger signs, I didn't investigate hunches. I was way to busy making a home, of us all... including our two children. The children are grown now, graduated, one with a Masters in education and very stable. Was that worth it? Yes. The "no fault" was simple and quick (72 hours). It was devestating to me. In hindsight (it's been seven years) my biggest loss was my happy memories. All of them literally turned to dust. Did I do the right thing? On balance, after hundreds of hours of serious though, I did. The downside? I realize at my age, I doubt that I will ever find true happiness. Sad.
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