She cheated on me, and i broke up. But i still love her and want her back

[Neo Junior]

I have been with my ex-girlfriend for about 2 years now. We broke up about 2 weeks ago. We had a long distance relationship, got a lot of memories together. We used to meet every weekend, and all i had to do is to trust her. But the last times, i saw a kind of coldness in her. So we started arguing, and always she told me that everything goes fine, the only problem is our communication.

 

I tried to believe that, and wanted to change things in me, so stoped being possesiv and jealous in same time. After 1 month of calmed situation i found her cheating on me with her ex (with whom she used to break before 2 years after a 4 year relationship, and as i know, she didnt loved him anymore, and in the same time she didnt wanted even kiss him). Actually i dont know what she found so interesant in him, to get back to him. Sweet words can be so... ???

 

Anyway, i broke up with her. To realize that she was cheating on me, I used to write her an email making her believe i was her best best friend, asking her how the things between us are going. She responded to that mail and i used to read her mail, and there was everything written black on white.

 

I told her that i know everything, told her about that mail, and she was very angry, because

 

i made her fool believing that it was her best friend writing to her. It was a bad break up, and i used to shame and lay into her because she lied me. After i left her, i was so stupid to send a message to her ex. That was too stupid, but my mind was totally out of control. Now im very aware of the fact that i dissapointed her more than one time. Reading her mail, making her fool about the mail, sending the message to her so-called ex, dumped her...

 

And im aware of the fact that because of all these dispointments she cant talk to me now. Somehow, we are both angry to eachother. I used to write her a long mail, telling her that im sorry and im aware of all the wrong things i have done after the breakup. I wanted to meet her in somehow, but she send me a message telling me "after all the dissapointments from what you did, i dont know if i could look in your eyes again, and i dont know if this will happen".

 

Now i realized how much i miss her, and that i still care and love her. I tried to be in contact, sending her messages and mails. I know she saves, prints and reads everything i send (i know that because i have a remote access in her computer), but she never responded me. I guess she waits for such mails and things from me, but its not ready to talk to me.

 

Recently, i told her that i was in her city waiting for her to talk about the things. She responded with a simple message "dont wait for me, i wont come. i need time for this. take care!". I dont know but i think this is somehow a way to say leave me alone. On the same time, i think she really needs time,because of the bad breakup, and all the bad things i have done after the breakup. Now my question is, Is there any way i can get her back, because i really dont want to loose her.

 

Should i go for another try (sending messages or mails, which im afraid will be boring to her, even she keeps reading all the mails iv sent) or should i back off, or should i leave and move on even if im still in love with her?