zilverenvlinder Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 So, Ryan got a fancy job at some shipping company's corporate office. I am still a breakfast joint waitress/hostess. I have enough money to fill up my tank, pay my bills, and buy myself a few drinks at the bar once in awhile. I don't really have shopping money or anything. And I can't really buy him "presents" unless it's his birthday or some holiday. So, yeah. Now he's rich and I'm still not. And as much as that pisses me off (I'm still trying to find a better job...and yes I know it's not a competition), he has been buying me stuff ALL the time. It's nice to get little presents here and there, but here's the kicker... For the entire time he's known me, I've always had waist-long hair and loved my Converse and blue jeans and tee-shirts and throwing around the baseballs and playing the X Box. It's always hot where we live. I dont like being uncomfortable.. and I am NOT a bad looking girl, but I haven't worn a dress in two years. So, Ryan started buying me stuff like pink wedgey sandals and mini -skirts from the mall without me knowing about it. Then he gives them to me like they're presents. He also took me to the mall to get my hair cut and told me he would pay for blond high lights. So I got my hair cut up to my EARS and now it's blond. So, of course, I wear the little outfits he buys me when I'm around him and curl my hair and wear wedgey sandals and do all that crazy nonsense. I dressed up SUPER nice when we went to a party last week and he kept gushing about how pretty I was and how he wanted me to be like, his wife and all that jazz. But, whenever I take an "off" day and wear my jeans and tee-shirts and sneakers again, it seems like he treats me differently... I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid... but when I saw my friend Julia after a few weeks of not seeing her, she took one look at me and exclaimed, "What THE HELL happened to you?!" Ak! Does it sound to you guys like he's trying to change me or is he just being nice and buying me stuff with his new money? Because he also takes me out all the time, to dinner and the movies and pays for a lot of stuff... What do you think?
jcster Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 I think he's buying you outfits he'd like to see you wear. That being said, he started going out with you - they jeans and converse wearing you - the waitress you. So I'd just wear the new outfits here and there when you want to see that little "sparkle" in his eye, and be yourself when you want to. I don't think it needs to be a big deal unless it's made into one.
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 I would dress the way you feel like dressing. Neither party should try to control the other person's tastes. You can encourage but you can't force. Personally, I find it high-handed for a guy to buy you clothing that you may or may not be comfortable wearing. It reminds me of the gift of lingerie on Valentine's Day. Get real guys. It's a gift to yourself...
electric_sheep Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 I bet it's probably because of the change in weather. Every Spring us guys all sort of go nuts when the girls start wearing their short shorts and mini-skirts. It's like a parade of flesh out there. Of course, the girls that wear this kind of stuff know they are driving us guys nuts, which is probably half the reason they do it. It's hard not to go nuts though... I honestly think it's chemical and just can't be helped. Anyway, my gf is totally a jeans/sneakers girl. She doesn't even shave her legs or armpits. I too have bought her a dress or two, and at the time she seemed excited, but she never wears them. Hence I won't buy her dresses anymore. For some strange reason every now and then she finds one she likes, but I know better at this point. It's just a waste of money. Of course I agree with everyone else that says what you wear is up to you (though I'm not allowed to wear baseball caps, for some reason), but then it doesn't hurt to spice things up and change things around from time to time. Almost any sex therapist will tell you a good way to generate a few sparks if the attraction seems to be waning is to just shake things up a bit. If you're a guy, maybe go to the gym and try and beef up your pecs a little, or buy a nice Armani suit. Or if your a girl, try wearing one of these whimsical white summer dresses. I saw a girl the other day in an embroidered white summer dress that nearly took my breathe away. She was the most gorgous creature I've seen in probably a year. I was literally stunned. If that had been my girlfriend she would have had trouble walking the next day, and she could probably get away with just about anything she wanted too while wearing that dress. So, it is of course up to you, but sometimes fullfilling your partners fantasies, or doing little things that you know make them hot, is all a part of showing them they are important to you. That is precisely the reason I don't wear baseball caps anymore.
BonneKarma Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Electric_sheep, your reply made me laugh. It was a good one too. zilverenvlinder - I wouldn't be too worried about it unless he starts setting limits on what you can or cannot wear. As others have said, it's probably that he likes seeing you in these types of outfits occassionally. As a woman I'm totally guilty of suggesting outfits for a guy I date. Like "oh, those brown paints just don't go with that shirt. Why don't you put on the new one I got you?" Some guys will go for it, like electric_sheep, and others will just look at me and roll their eyes. It's all about what you're comfortable with, really. Personally, I enjoy wearing clothes that I know my guy likes to see me in. It's foreplay! And I don't mean dressing trashy, but if a mention has been made about white summer dresses *wink* I'd go out and find one to surprise him with. I'm comfortable with that and don't think it's a matter of trying to change me, just two people compromising. The matter of the haircut could be taken a little differently, I suppose. But as long as he loves you, treats you well and doesn't get angry when you do hold your ground I'd say there's no reason to worry.
Walk Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I guess I feel a little different then some of the other posters. I wouldn't like your situation, I'd feel really uncomfortable about it, and I think I'd balk at his "suggestions" of hair styles and gifts of clothes. (I'm kind of touchy about the subject though) And I think it would lead me to asking him what he is looking for in a partner. I'd want to know his motivation behind the request. I know I'm not going to ever be one of those glam women who actually go out of their way to get their hair highlighted and styled every two weeks. And although I would be happy to dress a certain way if he asked, he needs to acknowledge that I'm doing it FOR HIM. Not the other way around. Same as if I asked my bf to wear a tux, and asked him to get his hair styled a certain way. Its something I would be asking of him, and requesting for my own benefit. Something he would do for me because I desired it, and I need to show appropriate appreciation for it.
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