flyingspaghetti Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 This European guy and I went out Swing Dancing last night. I had just met him about 2.5 weeks ago. This the second time we have been out. I felt comfortable around him and asked if it would be alright to hold hands. He did not understand this concept, it seems. At the same time, he was a bit hesitant which told me that he was not comfortable. I asked how he felt, and he told me he was quite shy. When I got home, we chatted on WLM. I guess there was some kind of miscommunication because he told me these two times were just about "hanging out" as friends. He only thinks of me as a friend. I was under the impression that he asked me out on an actual romantic date because he asked me out to a restaurant on Friday and then called that a date. I learned that his "date" interpretation was merely an "appointment" to just meet up and get know each other. Boy, am I totally humiliated now! He wants to hang out and go to a museum and then to a park this coming weekend, but I told him I am not sure. I am quite humiliated and feel like he is not ready to reciprocate holding hands. I had to try and explain to him the significance of holding hands, but he did not understand. I wanted to start feeling closeness by holding his hand to see what his reaction is. I found out. I am not all that experienced in dating either just like he told me he wasn't either, and I do not wish to divulge info about my personal life quite yet. He is quite new. I don't know what else to do and/or think. I just know I need time to think. So, what would you do? Have you ever been in such a situation? This is so embarrassing that I feel like burrowing under the ground and just hiding after this experience. Ugh!
Reckless Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 There's no reason to be humiliated; lines sometimes get crossed (especially if you are dealing with different cultures), this isn't a reflection of you as a person or your worth as a human being. Don't feel stupid either, if a guy asked me out to dinner, just the two of us and then to go out dansing I would probably presume he had romantic feelings for me too... unless he was a cousin or somthing; or my brother... I think you may need to communicate a little more though before you move on: before you go out again just ask him: "Are you interested in getting to know me so we can possibly be in a romantic together?" If he says "no I have no romantic feelings for you and don't think I will, I am looking for a 'buddy' " then you can forget about the hand-holding. If he says, "I dunno can we just have fun and see how it goes?.." He may have those romantic feelings later. Men usually know if they have the hots for a girl, experienced or not. It doesn't sound like he fancys you - there's nothing to be humiliated about MILLIONS of men don't fancy me; the one that matters does. If he doesn't have romantic feelings for you, his loss, keep him as a friend but suggest others go along on your "appointments" so you hang out in a group - one on ones tend to get intimate despite intentions.
corazoncito Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 Hi FS (love the screen name btw), I read your other thread about dating Europeans too. This guy just sounds shy and hesitant. I don't think that has anything to do with being French. I went straight to the horses mouth and asked my BF, who is French (37 years old), what his take on this guy's actions were. He pointed out that its true that the word for appointment and date are the same in French, but said that inviting a woman out to dinner and going dancing with her are clearly not "appointments". He also said that while it's not guaranteed that you will become a couple by the second date in France, it's also not strange for a man and woman who enjoy each other's company and are out on a date to hold hands, and they usually just do it, no discussion is necessary. He thinks you're dealing with issues of this particular individual, not cultural differences. It's hard to say from what you wrote whether the guy is just shy or not interested. My BF's advice is go out with him one more time to the museum, but this time don't make any "moves" on the guy. Just be pleasant and let him take the initiative. If he doesn't step up, he probably is either not interested or incredibly shy (and, in MY opinion, while that's sweet, you have to decide whether you want to wait around for him to "man up"). Good luck!
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