thelucky7star Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 Hi Everyone... I really need your help. I have been dating someone for a little over a month now. While this seems like a REALLY short time, we fell instantly for eachother. It was something that I have never experienced before. He had introduced me to his entire family. I spent every weekend with his daughter and adored her...and the following weekend he was supposed to go up north with me to meet my family. He was set to move in in the next month...and everything was great. I got a text from him on Sunday saying how much he loved me and then on Monday I got one saying that he couldn't keep seeing me. He said he thought he knew what he wanted but he doesn't...and that he needs to clear his head. I tried calling and texting him back but I got no response. Finally, the next day he text me again after I had called repeatedly, and said that this is how he feels and he can't help it. I don't know what went wrong or what made him change his feelings. Everything was great the day before....we have never been in a fight...I just have NO IDEA why he is doing this! And...he won't talk to me to tell me why. It has now been a week since I have heard from him and the 'no contact' is driving me crazy!! Somebody PLEASE help me out. I know his love is real and I am not willing to give up on what we had. Help help help....!!!!!!!!!!!
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 It sounds like he got cold feet, especially knowing he was going to meet your family. I would give him space and not contact him. You can't change the way he feels, especially since it's only been a month.
Yamaha Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 He thought about the move and meeting your family and it scared him to the point that he ended it with you. Pursuing him will just make him run more so I would let him be. If he changes his mind he will contact you.
champagne Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 Is it possible there's an ex he was hung up on who wanted to come back? It almost sounds like a woman from the past might have come back into the picture after he texted you the night before when he said he loved you. It's sad that a guy would resort to texting to say something like that. Next time,maybe keep things in check and take things slower and let them develop. I was in a relationship for 2 years to a divorced dad - he didn't introduce me to his children for 5 months because he wanted to make sure it was serious enough before he did that. So...beware if it's too good to be true too fast.
marzdeli Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 I'm real sorry that he dealt with you like that, just makes the whole situation even harsher. Honestly it sounds like the guy just simply got afraid of everything moving too fast, even if he did encourage it. At first it seemed like you two had the too good to be true vibe, and then moving too fast ruined the great chance you had. Saying I love you, and moving in together should take months, years, and so should meeting his daughter. Your relationship with him seemed too casual, and where else could you go, after everything was accomplished after 2 months? If you want him back, give him space! He will call you, if he wants, which is hard, but space is key. Propose to start things over and slowly.
Author thelucky7star Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 Thank you everyone... The whole "no contact" is killing me! Especially since it has been a week and a half. I almost broke down and called him tonight but I read your responses and I am going to try and keep away from him. It is just SO HARD!! I KNOW he loves me...I know he does...that's why I just don't understand how he can be so distant!!
KaneNAbel Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Hope this helps: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/
AngieQueb Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I know exactly what you're going through. I was dating a guy for about a month that came on very strong. We weren't talking about moving in or anything that serious...but he was very much pursuing me...not doing the typical "3 day wait to call" game, etc. He would call me and before we knew it...several hours had passed by because the conversation was just flowing and we were talking about everything under the sun. One night, he invited me to his house and he cooked dinner for me. We had a great time...we were intimate that night, but did not have sex. I sensed almost immediately afterwards him pulling back...but I didn't say anything. The next day, I got a call from my boss who asked me to take a temp assignment in CT (I live in TX). I told him about it and even though I accepted the assignment...I told him that I enjoyed hanging out with him and hoped we could continue to hang out and get to know each other while I'm gone. He seemed fine with it and said that one of the things that he liked about me was the fact that I could express whatever was on my mind. He called me again the night I told him this and we had a great conversation again. He asked to see me the next night...then called the next day and cancelled the date. Said he wasn't feeling good. He never called again. I waited 2 1/2 weeks before contacting him...which was PURE AGONY!! I finally broke down and sent him a casual email to see what was up. He told me that I had done nothing wrong...but he just felt like we moved too fast!?! I have read MANY books on relationships, especially when it comes to breaking up. They all say that most of the time when someone ends a relationship...the typical response from the other person is begging, crying, pleading, etc. which only serves to solidify in their mind that they made the right decision because that person isn't showing confidence in themselves. They recommend that the best thing to do is AGREE with them that the breakup is for the best, wish them the best of luck, and then go NC. It shocks the other person because it's not what they susptected at all and it causes them to start to wonder whether they made the right decision or not. So...with my guy...that's exactly what I did. I responded to his email and agreed with him that we went way too fast. I actually encouraged him to date other people (he just recently got divorced and needs to go out and play the field...just not with me!!). I told him that I planned to make the most of my opportunity in CT...and honestly didn't know whether a serious relationship was in the cards for me at this time. I told him that I didn't regret the time we spent together...I wished him the best and told him to have a great summer! He hasn't responded...and he may not. But, I believe in my heart of hearts that my response was the last thing he ever expected. He hadn't contacted me for 2 1/2 weeks before because he was obviously scared at how I would react to the news that he wasn't interested in me...after he was the one who came on so strong. Because I was able to keep my cool...remain positive...and let him go...I think that I've set myself in the best possible manner for a potential reconciliation in the future. Several books that I would recommend you read - 1. Love Must Be Tough - Dr. James Dobson 2. Love Tactics (www.lovetactics.com) - There is an article called "preparing for rejection" that is really good. 3. This Side of Goodbye: (Stop, Undo, or Reverse a Breakup) - www.unityville.com 4. From Commitment Phobe to I Do: www.unityville.com 5. Dating Without Drama: www.datingwithoutdrama.com 6. Why Men Love Bitches 7. Why Men Marry Bitches 8. Mars and Venus on a Date 9. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Author thelucky7star Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 Wow... First of all, I am sorry for what you had to go through. But secondly, you are a strong person!! Thank you so much for your advice and the list of books. I definitely need to get into one. It has almost been two weeks now and I can't help but wonder if he thinks about me or if he is just living his life like nothing is wrong! Also, I have tons of his stuff at my house...things that mean a lot to him...and he hasn't even called for that! I don't know whether to take that as a good thing or not. One positive thing that has come out of this is that I DID realize that things were moving way too fast and I DO want to slow things down. I just know that we should be together...and he needs to hurry and wake up! Thank you so much for your help. This site really has helped me!
Author thelucky7star Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Today has officially been two weeks since he broke up with me. I am DYING to text or call him and just ask if he thinks about me or why he broke up with me? Would it be a bad idea if I did? Should I wait longer? And if so...how much longer do I wait to contact him? At some point I at least need my stuff back and I know he needs his..... HELP ME PLEASE!!!
Author thelucky7star Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 Okay... So I have been going crazy and since he hasn't contacted me I figured that it is time I move on without him. This will be the hardest thing ever....but I sent him a text message telling him to get his stuff from my house and I need mine. I didn't hear back from him and he does have a prepaid cell phone that is always out of minutes...so I emailed him as well just to make sure he got the message. Do you guys think this is okay? How do I get him to respond? I REALLY WANT MY STUFF BACK!! And...I want his out of here.... Here is the message I sent: You won't respond to my text message...and you have been avoiding me for two weeks now. I need you to get your things from my house and I need my stuff from your's. I want this done now so I can get on with my life. I just have to say a couple of things...seeing that you won't talk to me AT ALL. This is not the man that I fell in love with. I can't believe you were such a coward that you couldn't talk to me in person about any of this. Congratulations...you smashed my heart into a million pieces. Was it a game for you? Did you want to see how much I would trust and love you so you could break my heart? You succeeded. I believed all of the things you told me. I really felt different with you...I actually believed in us and thought we would be together forever. Please respond to me because I want your stuff out of my house. I can't look at it anymore. I also really want my things back. It is time for me to move on with my life and to stop picturing you in it. Do you think he will get the message? PLEASE HELP!
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