Curmudgeon Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 A husband posts that his WIFE has a mental disorder. People fire back with, "leaver her," "get out," "you're a masochist." Thankfully, there was one reasonable post about the realities of the ups and downs being the life that can be expected while also encouraging treatment. Is marriage today so conditional that when a real and uninvited problem exists you're just supposed to bail? Is this what it's all about -- label them, take the easy way out, get on with your life, leave them in the dust? The man loves his wife. I guess that counts for nothing, huh? Before we married my wife disclosed to me that she'd suffered periodic and deep depressions since age 12, one of which led to a serious suicide attempt. She was 48 at the time we married. Four years later, after observing and "living through" several depressive episodes I noticed a cycling I'd not noticed before and tentatively diagnosed her as bipolar. Before you ask, I do have both education and experience in mental health. It's also my current policy area politically. I urged my wife to have a full psychiatric evaluation, which she did. At age 52 she was formally diagnosed as Bipolar Type 2. That means she'd gone 40 years undiagnosed and untreated. Yet, she'd managed to have two very successful careers (midwife and politics -- how we met) and raised her two daughters as a single, working mother for 16 years with absolutely no support from their father. I submit that mental disorders are something no one asks for, they don't bring them upon themselves and perjorative responses such as the poster received serve only to continue and support the stigma and ignorance that keeps many from seeking the help that's available to them. My wife's disorder does not define her. It's a part of what she is but is not who she is. As far as I'm concerned she's a fine woman, a great wife, a joy and privelege to be married to and the episodes, while unsettling, are not what characterize, permeate or control our relationship. I guess this is my "nice" way of saying that if you're ignorant regarding mental illness, BACK OFF and don't comment! You are now free to return to your regularly scheduled programming.
quankanne Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 unfortunately, people still stigmatize mental disorders, and choose to perpetuate misconceptions rather than learn more about how sensitive blood chemistry is. Bless their hearts!
4whatItsWorth Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 There is a difference between people who actually post without saying "my wife is crazy" and then says all the "horrible" things she does, and the people who will start a thread saying "I love her, but she suffers from...". I think all of us knew exactly what, and I would have recommended therapy - but he should have thought of that YEARS ago. If my guy had a disorder, I'd help him to get help instead of letting years pass and then the first thing "bash" her before asking for help online. IMHO he focused a bit too much on the wrong things in his post for my liking. My mom has clinical depression, so don't think I don't know what it's like.
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