Starlight Starbright Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 I have been basically NC with my ex for about 2 months now (except for a short email exchange about returning each other's belongings). He broke up with me 4 months ago. I took it very bad and still am having a really hard time with it. I quit my job about 1 month after the breakup and I;ve been too depressed to look for a new one. When he broke up with me, he was sobbing saying he was still in love with me (although he admitted his feelings had changed). He said that he just wanted to be single and unrestricted. He said that even if ours had been the perfect relationship, he still would have ended it at this point in his life. He is a very immature 27. In the weeks after the breakup, he told me that he was pretty depressed and missing me alot, but knew that these feelings would get better over time. We had a phone conversation 6 weeks after the breakup. He told me in this conversation that "He couldn't handle seeing me yet" in order to exchange our stuff. He also didn't deny that he was still in love with me when I asked him about it again, although once again he said his feelings had changed (I'm guessing he meant the initial infatuation was gone). He said he had no intentions of getting back together with me. He reiterated that he just wanted to be single, because he had felt smothered by our 2 year relationship. I asked him "SO, IF YOU MET A GIRL YOU LIKED 2 WEEKS FROM NOW, YOU WOULD NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER?" and he replied with a firm "No." Well a month after that final conversation, he created a new myspace profile (his previous one was kind of a joke profile he had made for his plant) and he made it private, so I couldnt see it. I just recently found out that this new profile has listed his staus as "In A Relationship" since its creation date 2 months ago. So, if the information is true, it means that he got into a new relationship only 2 1/2 months after he broke up with me because he supposedly just wanted to be single. This is driving me crazy and I want to know the truth. Everyone I talk to says "Who cares, why does it matter?" But it DOES matter to me. I am a VERY trusting person. I trusted everything he told me throughout our relationship and the break up as well. I feel this turns everything I thought I knew upside down - it makes me question my faith in everything. Also, I know that I will just obsess about it unless i know the truth. Knowing he is seeing someone else might also help me let go that little glimmer of hope I was holding onto for a reconciliation. So, in the email exchange that him and I recently had, he said that he wanted to talk to see how I was doing, but I denied this request and said that I just wanted to have him send my stuff to me. Well, he never did and that was a month ago. So now I am thinking about calling him to ask about the stuff, and then I plan to ask him about the relationship thing. I know I can control myself, and if he does admit to having a new girlfriend I will say "I'm happy for you, I only wish the best for you." or something similar. So should I call? I was also considering IMing his friend to ask HIM instead, but I think he might not tell me. Please, I am planning on calling tonight, but I am open to being talked out of it . . .
Author Starlight Starbright Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 i ended up Instant Messaging his friend instead and his friend confirmend that he has been dating his new roommate for thhe last two months, although his friend made me promise not to tell that I knew anything about it. This blow feels worse than the original breakup. I give up . . . . on everything.
Jmina Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Oh my god this seems just like what i'm going through... she said she still loves me and cares deeply for me and thinks i am her soul mate but cant be in a relationship..... shes 21.. she also wants to experience other people...... ****ing hurts... so im guess that she couldnt be in OUR relationship even though it was awesome im so sorry to hear about your story i know what your going through. xxxx
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Being a trusting person is a wonderful wonderful thing. Don't let someone ruin that part of you, just because he doesn't have the maturity or the balls to be straight with you. Your best revenge? To live a fulfilled happy life without him. He will have guilt which will most likely bring complications to his new relationship, and until he grows up and starts treating people with respect, that problem will follow him round. Watching you smiling, being happy without him and realising that he left all of that behind is one of the worst feelings in the world. He doesn't deserve your broken heart, he didn't treat it with care. Don't give up - he's one person in a billion in the world and they're not all the same, I promise you.
Author Starlight Starbright Posted June 1, 2007 Author Posted June 1, 2007 Thank you for the response. I get so sad whenever I picture the two of them together. I know in my mind that he is not worth my time, but my heart is still having trouble letting go . . . especially since he was my first love. I just don't understand, he reiterated "I just want to be single and unrestricted" like a million times during the breakup process. And now, this ? I am actually going to start a new thread about this . . .
KaneNAbel Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 He sounds young and so do you. Don't wast anymore time on this. When this girl I thought was my first love ended things with me, do you know what happened? She was going to spend the weekend with her ex that weekend....after telling me during the breakup that she has the propensity to cheat and doesn't want to 'fudge' up. Yeah, also I was on a 5 hour flight by myself to think about it during the weekend. Not fun. I've been in NC for two months....you know, I still think about her. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I even laugh about the situation and how I missed all the signs. But yeah, the whole cliche of plenty of fish in the sea is so true. Just get out and do stuff for yourself. Get a new perspective. But the last thing you want to do is contact him. Screw him. I could understand you have a defeatist attitude about this but seriously, just stop beating yourself up. I'm sure you have a lot to offer the world and the world has a lot to offer you.
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