Leave Me Your Best - Extremely bitter and heartbreaking break up

[WorldCrashingDown]

My girlfriend was the only thing I have and now I don't and I have no one else to talk to, so I turn to you all. We've been together for nearly 5 years and on Saturday it was over.

 

On Saturday, I decided I'd pick her up and take her out to eat and go see a movie. Well, I pick her up and I don't want to eat at the place she chose and it turned into a big fight. In the heat of the moment I tell her to get her stuff and get out of my apartment which I've done on a regular basis every few days a week since we've been living together in this apartment. Well, she's packed her stuff once before and left and came back a couple of days later, but this time I don't see it happening. Basically, she lives with me with no job and rent free and the only bill she does have (her credit card) I pay for.

 

Realizing my mistake I'm asking her to stay and she still won't. She went to live with her mom, but has been staying with her best friend since then who doesn't want to see us together anyway. Well, I stay at a friend's Saturday night to cope and on Sunday I wake up and can finally do something besides sit on his couch mute or bury my face in my hands. Well, then I come to the apartment and she left me 7 messages saying stuff like "I can't live without you." and things like that. Then when I do decide I should call her back she's being a complete bitch to me (I'm assuming it's because her best friend was near) well, then she hangs up on me and I try to call her back numerous times and can't get her to answer her phone. So, I drive to her mom's house to use her mom's phone, since she won't answer my number and try to talk to her again and get her to agree to go somewhere with me and talk (which she suggested on one of the messages she left earlier). Well, she's telling me "I don't know if it's going to work out or not" and that "I need some time to think about it" Well, me being the impatient person I am I don't want to give her time and keep trying to call her and talk to her. When she came back here to the apartment, she kissed me numerous times and acted like she still cared, but as soon as I dropped her back off at her friend's she started acting like a bitch again and then told me "I don't think it is going to work out." and "You need to go find someone else that's better for you." I asked if she had already found someone else and she said no. I was getting angry on the phone with her, because she was being a bitch to me (again because she was in front of her friend) and then she gets mad at me for getting angry like I wasn't supposed to when she was being mean to me.

 

I suggested a whole bunch of compromises from me trying an anti-depressant to help with me being a chronic negative thinker (which I'm afraid to try, because my younger brother of 15 committed suicide just over a year ago because of an anti-depressant) Now, to me this just doesn't seem fair. Just as I'm finally accepting that my brother is gone and can deal with that, now I have this to deal with. I begged her and done everything I could, but she just kept treating me like crap and I couldn't say or do anything to make her change her mind. She did say let me think about it on some things, but the last thing I heard from her was that she wasn't willing to try with me anymore. All of this happened yesterday within the span of just one day. She went from she can't live without me to she wants to live without me.

 

Well, here are all my questions and I hope everyone that reads this will read them all and answer them all if they can. I'm about to go to work and just need to know that when I get off I'll have someone else's opinion on the situation, because I have no one else to talk to.

 

1. Do you think she'll come back.

2. If not, how can I deal with the stress of being alone?

3. How can I get over the thought that I know she will be having sex with someone else now, even though I took her virginity?

4. Is there anyway for me to get her back.

5. How could I possibly meet other women? I don't want to meet women at bars and have thought about the idea of internet dating, but tend to frown upon it. I'm 21 and work 45 hrs a week, but still have weekends free.

6. Do you think her friend played a factor in how she was acting

7. How long will it take me to get over the loss?

8. Should I try to call her anymore? I want to, but she doesn't seem to want to answer my calls.

 

 

Please if you stayed with me thought this over length story, just say something. Say something to comfort me. Tell me everything will be ok. If nothing else, I just want to know how long it will hurt and how fast I should try dating again. I'm terrified of sitting here alone. I got us an apartment, so we wouldn't have to deal with living with her mom and hoping it would make things better, but now it's just a reminder of my failure to me, but I still have about 8 months left on the lease.

 

I need help really bad.

[madgun68]

Hi World,

 

There aren't any easy answers to much of what you're asking.

 

Will things be alright? Yes, of course they will. How long will it take? No one can say. Some need more time than others, but it could take a while. You need to give it time.

 

The best thing you can do for youself right now is to focus on yourself. You need to find something to do with the free time you have because all that time right now is going in to thinking about what went wrong, and that's not going to help you one bit.

 

Read books, join a gym and exercise.. Anything. You need to find something that'll keep your mind occupied.

 

You mentioned anti-depressants in your post. I think this is too big of a leap to make. If you seriously feel that you need to make changes in your life, seek counseling. (Seeking help this way does not suggest that there is anything seriously wrong with you. It's just a step up from seeking advice on a forum such as this.) Most important is that you do this for yourself and only yourself. Never change for anyone other than yourself.

 

Finally, give her the space she is asking for. You need to do this if you want her back in your life. Remaining in contact with her may cause more harm than good right now.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Firstly my friend, this is not an extremely bitter and heartbreaking break-up. It may feel like that at the moment, granted. But keep thinking that there has been no blood shed, you have only broken up for very short time and are in the eye of the storm so to speak.

 

Secondly before I answer your questions,

 

Please if you stayed with me thought this over length story, just say something. Say something to comfort me. Tell me everything will be ok.

 

Unfortunately, I dont think it would be fair to offer words of comfort and tell you everything is going to be ok, if the "ok" means you and her are together. I'm afraid thats something that nobody can answer.

 

 

1. Do you think she'll come back.

 

She may well do. But do you honestly really want her to? You've told her to get out of the apartment she shares with you on several occasions. If you love her so much, why would you do this?

 

2. If not, how can I deal with the stress of being alone?

 

Here's the clincher. Is she just someone who stops you being alone perhaps?

 

3. How can I get over the thought that I know she will be having sex with someone else now, even though I took her virginity?

 

Even though you took her virginity? If you are over, you will heal and eventually if you're strong, the thought of her being intimate with another man will not be something you think about. She's not a possession. She's a person.

 

4. Is there anyway for me to get her back.

 

To be respectful to her. To look at why you flare up at her. To respect she needs friends as well as you to support her. To stop calling her a bitch. To make her feel secure. To stop comparing the grief of losing your brother to the grief of losing her. Could it be possible that you have unresolved grief about your brother which is being directed at your girlfriend?

 

5. How could I possibly meet other women? I don't want to meet women at bars and have thought about the idea of internet dating, but tend to frown upon it. I'm 21 and work 45 hrs a week, but still have weekends free.

 

I dont understand this question in relation to the question above. If you truly care about her and want to work at your relationship, believe me, dating someone else would be the last thing on your mind. You should maybe look into the possibility of abandonment issues.

 

 

6. Do you think her friend played a factor in how she was acting

 

Honestly? No, I dont. She is her own person. She probably just felt more supported and more able to show her anger to you.

 

7. How long will it take me to get over the loss?

 

As long as a piece of string to be honest. If you can look at your responsibility in this breakup and honestly understand how you contributed to it, maybe your loss will become knowledge.

 

8. Should I try to call her anymore? I want to, but she doesn't seem to want to answer my calls.

 

To be honest, I'm not surprised. She probably needs space from you. Why dont you give her some space. Calling her from her moms house so she would pick up is pretty forceful and isn't respecting her choice not to speak to you.

 

Look within and be honest with yourself. Really put yourself in her shoes as to how she may be feeling about your behaviour. Soul-searching is difficult, but definitely worthwhile.

 

Ask yourself these questions...

 

1) Do I really want my ex or am I just scared of being alone

2) Why do I flare up and control her (i.e. I dont want to eat there, you will answer my calls etc) Is it becuase the rest of my life feels out of control?

3) Do I love her enough to let her be happy even if it isnt with me?

[notspiritual]

I tell her to get her stuff and get out of my apartment which I've done on a regular basis every few days a week since we've been living together in this apartment.

 

It is no wonder that she does not feel at home in YOUR apartment.