Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 Well I mean I have this worry that if I am too firm then she will start making new "friends" which may include some guy who also gets to use someone else's credit card, much like herself. Of course she won't say she likes him for money, but rather because "he spends more time with her." Ungh. Vertex, that is manipulation at it's finest. Don't let her blackmail you. If you want to make it real for her, the next time she suggests something that requires spending on your part, tell her you have no money so she'll have to pay if she wants you to go. Keep doing this until she gets mad. Then tell her that if she wants you to pay your share, you will have to work, which means less time for her attention whoring.
Diamonds&Rust Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 You also should get it into your head that it's better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't respect you.
Author Vertex Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 What I always find though is that I end up in relationships with girls that "do not respect me," usually as a result of me being a pushover. What I don't understand though is how being more firm will make her want to stick around more. While it can be reasoned, it is not emotionally intuitive to me.
justpassingthrough Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 Yeah, saying no to her causes lots of issues. Who knew you were going to say that? Once again, you should imagine a lifetime of "issues," like the ones that will come with you telling her no to the house, the car, the vacations, the vacation home, the kids, or anything else that should be a mutual decision made as a couple. Compromise is called an art for a reason and it's absolutely necessary to know how to do it, particularly in a relationship. The two of you clearly have an imbalance in the compromise department. I think she is pissed off but I will update. So let her be pissed off. It's her emotion. She owns it and she's entitled to it. You can't control how she reacts, anyway. All you can do is control yourself and how you react to her reaction. This is the place where you should consider changing your behavior. If you're a pushover, stop. Do something different, like accepting that your wants and needs have just as much value as your girlfriend's. On another note, do any of you feel it is possible to understand money if you have never worked for it? It seems like most of the people that "get the idea" are the people who work. Those who have everything handed to them tend to be uninformed about the true cost of things as well as how to efficiently balance work and leisure. What do you think? What is the best way to make the non-working types understand more clearly? Your problem isn't money. Money is just the symptom. IpAncA: Yep. Just to be near me. She doesn't need the work. That's twisted.
monkey00 Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 What I always find though is that I end up in relationships with girls that "do not respect me," usually as a result of me being a pushover. well you seem to know why they dont respect you, so why not do something about it? What I don't understand though is how being more firm will make her want to stick around more. While it can be reasoned, it is not emotionally intuitive to me. It is never guaranteed that being firm will make her stick around. The purpose of being firm is drawing the line in the relationship. And reclaiming your deserved respect from her. Any girl in their right mind would snap and realize their evil ways and would either play it your way or the highway. People in relationships have varying degrees of needs - in fact i would not be surprised if you drew the line and she found some other guy who would be more available to hang out iwth her while you work. Regardless, the fact of the reality is she's being selfish, immature, needy, and most of all unreasonable to the responsibilities of everyday life. But I ask you this, why stay in a relationship with someone that makes your life hard and refuses to compromise anything on their part and everything on yours? Sounds like a taker to me.
Diamonds&Rust Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 What I don't understand though is how being more firm will make her want to stick around more. While it can be reasoned, it is not emotionally intuitive to me. It might not make her want to stay. She might leave your for a pushover with more money. She might do this anyway, there's nothing you can do. What you should be wondering is why you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you. Wouldn't you be happier alone? Wouldn't you want to find someone who does? You are not at the mercy of your emotional intuition.
DanielMadr Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 Im sure her daddy would be happy to compensate your loses if his daughter wants to have fun
Author Vertex Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 Well she is threatening to be single now. I didn't sleep with her last night (I slept in my own room by myself) and she's going nuts.
justpassingthrough Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 And the worst possible scenario is? 1.) Girlfriend makes good on her threat and becomes "single," or 2.) Girlfriend doesn't. She's going to do whatever she's going to do. She usually likes to bring up the fact that "her dad always spent his time working and was never around for the wife and kids," or that "a true man realizes what matters in life is not money" and other things of this nature that essentially summarize to "money is not important, the people you're with are," which I fully empathize and agree with. Have you taken that class where they teach you about fallacies yet? Foremost, I would argue that we don't know why dad worked so much. (To support somebody's lifestyle, perhapssssss?) One of my friends is a single mother (dad pays child support but that's all). She works three jobs (one full-time that pays more than any job ever paid me and two part-time) to give her daughter a princess lifestyle. Your girlfriend's father might be doing the same thing. Dunno. Nonetheless, it's important to understand there's more to the story and perhaps your girlfriend would rate a little lower on the issue-o-meter if she sorted through how she's reacting to dad doing what he did instead of letting it excuse her current behavior. And, please, don't let her - or anyone else for that matter - define your sense of manhood. That's for you to do.
catrocks Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 What I always find though is that I end up in relationships with girls that "do not respect me," usually as a result of me being a pushover. What I don't understand though is how being more firm will make her want to stick around more. While it can be reasoned, it is not emotionally intuitive to me. Then if it doesn't work out with this girl you need to ask yourself why you keep ending up in relationships with girls who don't respect you, and perhaps work on your self-esteem before you start another relationship. Maybe then you'll realise that you deserve respect and not some immature spoiled brat like your gf. I don't think tht being firm will make her stay - might work with some women but not all. Stand your ground though. Don't give into her - if she breaks up with you over this then she is even more not worth it. It is never guaranteed that being firm will make her stick around. The purpose of being firm is drawing the line in the relationship. And reclaiming your deserved respect from her. Any girl in their right mind would snap and realize their evil ways and would either play it your way or the highway. I agree with this. She is being completely unreasonable. You need to be firm about what you need from this relationship and if she can't handle that and leaves then let her go and spend some well deserved time on you. Well she is threatening to be single now. I didn't sleep with her last night (I slept in my own room by myself) and she's going nuts. I'm hearing the psycho theme song in my head....
Recommended Posts