LovesJim55 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 So my boyfriend and I have been 2 hours away from each other for 4 months already seeing each other once a month and now since he has gone home from college he is 3 hours away and I wont see him for a month or so. Lately he has been going to the next town over to hang out with friends from high school. I normally wouldn't mind too much but there is a girl in the group that he hangs out with who I absolutely cannot stand. She is such a terrible person. She is only into herself. She has met me 6 times, and still won't acknowledge me when we happen to see one another. That being said, Jim liked and I mean really liked this girl since the first week he met her his junior year in high school. He was pretty much in love with her but she never wanted anything to do with him except use him for rides to places and homework help.At parties when she got drunk she would sit in his lap and lead him on. He liked her his first month in college as well but claims he got over her when he met me. Now, I knew about this girl because Jim and I were good friend prior to our relationship and he spoke of this girl as a goddess. Perfect body and face, smart, athletic. This was even after she stood him up at places 2 or 3 times. The real knife to the heart was when I finally met her Jim and I had been dating 2 months and he introduced me to her as "my friend, Carmen." Now I know he loves me but sometimes it feels like she will always be the girl he wanted but could never have. How do I cope with him driving an hour 4 times a week to go hang out with this girl when he cant drive the 3 hours to my house because of gas prices? I have told Jim I don't like him hanging around her and she has been a huge issue in the past.
Lizzie60 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 So my boyfriend and I have been 2 hours away from each other for 4 months already seeing each other once a month and now since he has gone home from college he is 3 hours away and I wont see him for a month or so. Lately he has been going to the next town over to hang out with friends from high school. I normally wouldn't mind too much but there is a girl in the group that he hangs out with who I absolutely cannot stand. She is such a terrible person. She is only into herself. She has met me 6 times, and still won't acknowledge me when we happen to see one another. That being said, Jim liked and I mean really liked this girl since the first week he met her his junior year in high school. He was pretty much in love with her but she never wanted anything to do with him except use him for rides to places and homework help.At parties when she got drunk she would sit in his lap and lead him on. He liked her his first month in college as well but claims he got over her when he met me. Now, I knew about this girl because Jim and I were good friend prior to our relationship and he spoke of this girl as a goddess. Perfect body and face, smart, athletic. This was even after she stood him up at places 2 or 3 times. The real knife to the heart was when I finally met her Jim and I had been dating 2 months and he introduced me to her as "my friend, Carmen." Now I know he loves me but sometimes it feels like she will always be the girl he wanted but could never have. How do I cope with him driving an hour 4 times a week to go hang out with this girl when he cant drive the 3 hours to my house because of gas prices? I have told Jim I don't like him hanging around her and she has been a huge issue in the past. ...and it's a very hard to control emotion... it takes time. I feel that this girl might just be a tease... when she can have the guy (in this case your bf) she doesn't want him...but as soon as the guy gets a gf, she wants him back... it's a kind of game for these girls. Your bf might be still secretly 'in love' with her...but unfortunately there is not much you can do...really. If he goes back with her... she will only do it to take him away from you, and will dump him right away... If this happens, you need to move on... cause you're not a 'toy' he can throw away to get a new one... know what I mean? How do I cope with him driving an hour 4 times a week to go hang out with this girl when he cant drive the 3 hours to my house because of gas prices? Now this sucks but if he's 3 hours away from you... that would be a 6-hour drive (back and forth) to see you only once... and he can be with some friends and HER more for less driving... (4 hours a week to see her 4 times). I know it is hard...but you got to learn to deal with this or just move on.
Author LovesJim55 Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 Well I have told Jim it would be great if we could see each other a couple times a month for a few days at a time, and he said he didn't have enough money for gas for that to happen. So WHY can't he just cut down on how often he drives to Greenville? He didnt have an answer for that one.
Lizzie60 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Well I have told Jim it would be great if we could see each other a couple times a month for a few days at a time, and he said he didn't have enough money for gas for that to happen. So WHY can't he just cut down on how often he drives to Greenville? He didnt have an answer for that one. That's why I said you should move on... I think you're slowly loosing him (but she will dump him as soon as you'll be out of the picture)... don't waste your time or your energy over him... he doesn't want to waste any gaz on you so....
Author LovesJim55 Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 We have been together a year and half, and will be moving in together in a month or two. We are also engaged for the most part. He has never dated this girl, she never wanted him. And girlie, he says he is going to see Emerson (who is this girls **** buddy)
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 We have been together a year and half, and will be moving in together in a month or two. We are also engaged for the most part. He has never dated this girl, she never wanted him. And girlie, he says he is going to see Emerson (who is this girls **** buddy) Do you have a ring and a date? You have told him how you feel about this and he apparently is ignoring that. Maybe it is time to stop asking when he is coming down and make yourself less available to him and go do some fun things with your friends.
Author LovesJim55 Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 I have a promise ring and he has 800 saved for an engagement. We plan to marry the summer of 2009. I wish I could do that, I have no friends in the area. Everyone moved away and even with my job I haven't formed any close relationships. It crushes me.
norajane Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 We have been together a year and half, and will be moving in together in a month or two. Well, if you've lasted this long, can you suck it up for another month and then you can join him when he goes to visit his friends?
Author LovesJim55 Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 He hasn't let me hang out with this group. He tells me I wouldnt have any fun. I have hung out with a different group of his friends though.
norajane Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 He hasn't let me hang out with this group. He tells me I wouldnt have any fun. I have hung out with a different group of his friends though. Huh. I suspect this is the real reason he doesn't want you hanging out with that group: I have told Jim I don't like him hanging around her and she has been a huge issue in the past. You two need to get this issue resolved before you move in together. It's not just that he drives out there and is hanging out with her. It's also that he's carrying a torch for her, even if nothing ever happens. If he has the hots for her, that's always going to be a sore spot with you, and it's always going to be a cause of jealousy and tension. He could try to ease your concerns by making you a part of this group, by letting her see that you are his girlfriend and an important part of his life by bringing you with him all the time, by not seeing her when you aren't around. If he isn't willing to do that, then maybe you shouldn't be willing to commit to him.
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Huh. I suspect this is the real reason he doesn't want you hanging out with that group: You two need to get this issue resolved before you move in together. It's not just that he drives out there and is hanging out with her. It's also that he's carrying a torch for her, even if nothing ever happens. If he has the hots for her, that's always going to be a sore spot with you, and it's always going to be a cause of jealousy and tension. He could try to ease your concerns by making you a part of this group, by letting her see that you are his girlfriend and an important part of his life by bringing you with him all the time, by not seeing her when you aren't around. If he isn't willing to do that, then maybe you shouldn't be willing to commit to him. I agree. Some men will hang on for years if they think they will have the slimmest chance of getting with the dream girl even if she is a total B. It does appear he is trying to be Mr. Single guy around that group of friends. Plus the fact he introduced you as "his friend" that one time instead of his girlfriend. I think you should insist being a part of this group. You will be moving there soon and what is he going to do then; exclude you? I agree with getting this issue resolved before you move there. Besides if he went 0 times to visit those friends he would definitely have enough gas to see you 2 times in the month you are apart. Do you have any friends where you are moving to? Family? Do you have a job there?
Author LovesJim55 Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 A mutual girl friend of ours who dates his previous roommate will be living with us. She and I aren't super close but we talk. I will at least have her. As for a job, I will be going to school full time so I am not sure whether I will be getting one. I just hate to feel like he sees her as the girl he could never have. I don't want to be a second choice.
norajane Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I just hate to feel like he sees her as the girl he could never have. I don't want to be a second choice. Have you told him this EXACTLY as you said it here? Because a man who is in love with you and sees you as his first choice would want to move heaven and earth to reassure you that you are his first choice.
Author LovesJim55 Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 Have you told him this EXACTLY as you said it here? Because a man who is in love with you and sees you as his first choice would want to move heaven and earth to reassure you that you are his first choice. I have voiced this to him before. He assures me that when he met me, he realized she wasn't the person for him and he say all her faults. He said the only reason he can think of for talking about her a lot was because he was just used to her being in his stories and such. Now I know he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, I just don't want these feelings of jealousy. I want to be ok with him going to see old friends. I just don't know how to convince myself everything will be okay.
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